I just got call from 1st tester that will do fidelity testing. $600 for one question, "have you been intimate with anyone other than forgedfe since xxxx date?" In order to get meaningful results it would take one test for each known affair. It will cost $600 for 1st and $300 each for additional. This tester is 80 miles away.

This is way less important than getting out of town permanently.

I tried the referral service to no avail, they directed me to the fixed single question tester.

I am switching my focus exclusively to finding a way out of here. The testing can happen a little later. I will try Syracuse area.

WW acts like we can stay. She is still fogged.

Syracuse test $200 for 3 questions, $240 for 4. 2 hours away. I will get it scheduled. The results will determine my course of action. If there have there have been others, then she continues to lie.

The best last question:

Make a list of things you need to know. Tell her these are possible questions for her to answer during the test. Ask her to write down the answers for you.

Chances are, she will confess things before the polygraph is scheduled.

The last question:
"did you answer the questions truthfully?"

I think an NC letter is needed again , even though she is the one who broke the agreement.

Feedback an NC letter would be appreciated. How should the second NC letter be worded to a violent sex offending OM when WW was the one who broke the first agreement?

A NC letter should always be the standard one from Surviving an Affair. The OP's criminal record or violent proclivities have nothing to do with expressing the intention never to contact the OP, and the request for them never to contact the WS.

The fact that this is being re-sent after WS broke contact makes no difference, either.

Don't over-think this.

Thanks Sugar,
Stick to the plan. Clearly my thinking is stinking. WW said she would finish the letter tomorrow. I will review, and I will mail it immediately.

I told WW today that the polygraph is scheduled for Tuesday. I will give her the questions tomorrow. I gave her a "come clean" window today.

This morning I was browsing her phone and found a voice recording from the end of October, before d-day. WW inadvertently made a 3 hour voice recording. It was mostly her driving home from her parents listening to music, but in the middle, the music stopped so I listened closely. She stopped right before getting home and got out of her car to call OM. She said she was worried about being "bugged in her car" pretty ironic she was bugging herself. She proclaimed her love for OM. This was a few days before d-DAY and in deepest fog, but this still really hurts.

can you update more?

I will try to give timely updates.

In regard to our current sitch, things seemed to be headed in the right direction, but since we are still near OM house, WW drove by his office once, based on her GPS info. She did not go in, but met him outside, and made arrangements to meet elsewhere. Again, based on GPS, they met on 1/27 at a barn he owns nearby. The time stamp makes it clear they did not have much time to do anything, but it does not lessen the severity of the NC break. No progress will be made toward recovery until we are far from this place.

Based on VAR information, there is no burner phone used in our house or car, but that does not exclude the possibility of a burner phone stored and used elsewhere.

WW is not tech savy at all, which is why I found the accidental voice recording from before October D day in her android system files. She was genuinely shocked that it existed. The bitter irony of listening to her talk to OM about me bugging the car, (which was not bugged) is indicative of the paranoia she was feeling. She has not switched off her location service on her phone, and made no attempt to delete or modify the timeline to hide the meeting. She was not aware that information was stored on her device. I will be watching that info on a daily basis. I will pursue other forms of tracking as well.

Our entire household is currently afflicted with a stomach bug, strep, and the common cold. I have postponed the polygraph until next Tuesday. I have not given WW the questions yet. I will wait to do so until next Monday. The test administrator said that fever and illness can skew results.

Questions I am considering:

Have you been intimate with anyone other than forgedfe, OM1 and the rapist since date xxxx?

Are you concealing any information from forgedfe about any other relationship you had with anyone?

Did you have intercourse with the rapist? (not sure about this one. will it help healing? will it change my course of action?)

Have you answered all of these questions truthfully?

This is roughly what I want to ask. I will mull it over while we process the NC letter today.

These are good questions.

Yes, you do need to know the truth about the EA being a PA - if not, your WW will likely remain fogged out. It's best to wipe the SSL clean if possible and get her on the path to being transparent and honest. Getting the truth out is your best bet.

I know it was a PA, but she claimed only oral and petting so to speak.

I knew that she trickled some truth out but denied that there was intercourse, I just got you mixed up with another poster whose WW is only admitting to EA.

But...you can see how the advice still applies, right?

The fog still seems deep. She spent a lot of time on the phone today with her facilitating sister, despite my request for distance. She has four other siblings with whom she could speak. I had a hard time with this since after a couple minutes on the phone with me she complained about her sore throat.

She gave push back against the polygraph today. She said she isn't afraid to take it, but she just thinks it is degrading, over the top, unnecessary, too expensive, etc. She said " I don't know why you need the test, I'm telling you the truth now." As if her truthful voice is different from her lying voice. I reminded her that it sounds just like the hundred lies she told before. She tried some alternative facts claiming she didn't lie that much, so I listed a whole bunch for clarity.

She is vacillating between weepy remorse and brooding resentment. I told her that the withdrawal period starts all over again now. I too am withdrawn, like a turtle that has been poked too much.

Crystal clear advice, as always.

Sorry you are going through this. Ugs.

She's going to try a lot of different things to get you to back down. Don't fall for it.

Ignore the drama regarding the Poly. Stick to your guns and be dispassionate about it.

I'm going to IC tonight. I need some help getting the fog babble loop out of my head.

So are you still going through with the poly?

Yes we are still going for the polygraph on Tuesday. WW was still giving some push back about it last night, but agreed to go.

I am trying hard not to perseverate about the lies, but I am having difficulty. There are no EN being met currently. I have lost every trace of romantic love and respect for WW. She claims she sees clearly now and has a "new outlook". I pointed out that I also have a new outlook of gloom and pessimism.