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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 14
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 14 |
she has talked to him and told him the same things that I have said, apart of me wants to believe it has been over for two years but a part of me still has a hard time believing it. When he is home with us, I feel so much happier-but when its time to go back to work, I feel i am two different people.
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 14 |
My husband has expressed to me numerous times that what made him end things with her was the realization of being seperated from me and the kids. I just find it hard to cope with him still having some sort of contact or seeing each other at work with his co worker. He tells me it is easy for him because he knows within himself that he no longer wanted to be that way and has no feelings for her.
this is the hardest thing i have ever been through.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
You need to issue an ultimatum. Your husband needs to hand in his notice now, and leave within the month, whether he has a new job or not. Impending unemployment should concentrate his efforts wonderfully, but even if he is unemployed at the end of the month, you will be better off once he has left that job. ...
...If he is prepared to face unemployment rather than hurt you one more day, you can know that he is serious about repairing your marriage. If he is not prepared to hand in his notice tomorrow, then pack his bags, wish him the best, and expose his affair to his employers. Plan B will be your friend from then on.
There is no other option to his leaving that job, and if he won't do it, that proves he doesn't give a flying fig about you, and you can proceed from that basis. Have you issued the ultimatum yet?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
I have mentioned to my husband about getting a job now.. Mentioning it is not enough. Are you going to do as Dr Harley advises, and issue an ultimatum? "So in those cases, if the unfaithful spouse has not separated to be with the other person, I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse that he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there. That gives him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. But if a new job cannot be found in a month and the unfaithful spouse has not already resigned, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer.
If the unfaithful spouse becomes angry upon hearing the warning, making it clear that there will be no resignation from the job, I usually encourage the betrayed spouse to wait a week to expose the affair to the employer. That gives the unfaithful spouse time to think rationally about the proposal. But if a week passes without any change, I encourage the betrayed spouse without warning to expose the affair."Please read the full article: When Should an Affair Be Exposed
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
Deeplyhurt, are you here to complain about what is hurting you or to take action? We already know it is hurting you deeply to see him work with his AP every day. Also, I might point out the fact that HE knows it is hurting you deeply. Clearly he doesn't give a hoot about that though. If anyone is going to protect you, it has to be you and not him, because he is not interested in that which you can see by his actions.
This is not a blogging forum, it is action oriented. If you want to live the way you are right now indefinitely, that is your choice. But you don't have to, there are actions you can take to protect yourself. Are you willing to take them?
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
yes i am ready to demand that to him- when we talked about it before he told me he doesnt want to settle for less than what he is now-that it will take time but he wants to do anything to fix things Have you done this? Tell him that YOU are not willing to settle for less either, and that is why he MUST quit his job, because it brings you great pain.
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
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Joined: Apr 2012
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Also where are you at with exposure?
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