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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
So when I go put something in front of him to say...here's where we start, what do you suggest? Emotional needs survey? Joint negotiations? I mean we can lay in bed and read the book together when I get the book, but with the holidays, that might be a while. Send the letter Melody wrote for you!
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
What are you going to therapy for? They are a disaster to marriages.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
deleting social media (I guess that's my one Instagram account, I did away with all social media, I told you to delete your social media and you said you had NONE. Now you are saying you have IG? IG is social media and you can chat on it. Just get rid of it. No further discussion. But as a side note, this kind of unclarity makes a BS's bulls--- radar go off. If I'm feeling that, I'm sure your H is as well.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
He knows and always has known all of my passwords. I do not own an electronic device that he can't get into anything and everything he wants. I did this for transparency (now that being said, I can't get into ANY of his devices and never could). He feels that because I work in the tech industry (I guess) that I'm much smarter and am able to hide stuff. I have told him that isn't the truth, but he thinks I'm lying. May I remind you that this whole thing started because i got an email that was ON MY COMPUTER IN FRONT OF HIS FACE....no hiding. If under these conditions (giving your H passwords and using email in "front of his face") you're still chatting and looking to get your ENs met outside of the marriage, Dr Harley would then tell you need to.change the conditions further. i.e., only reading and responding to the emails with your H sitting right next to you or removing the email all together. I agree with Prisca that the job probably needs to go since it sounds like you are on your computer all day and it makes your H (understandably) uncomfortable.
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 20
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 20 |
No, quite honestly I can't give up my job, its the steady pay, its the benefits and all the other stuff. He is a self-employed, we need this job.
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 20
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 20 |
No, I am seeing a therapist, because we are at loggerheads. I mean, when he tells me 50 year old people have sex every night and the internet lies when it tells me otherwise, but my PS meter is going off, and I can't point out to him that me having sex with him 30 THIRTY times (probably more) a month is way beyond what I need emotionally, but here i am for you meetingTHIS emotional need and he just tells me its normal and its expected and therefore I don't have to meet YOUR emotional needs, I just need someone who can balance me out.
This is not marriage counseling YET. I'm hoping by my head being in a better place and not one like the one I'm in now, I can gain clarity and be in a better place to negotiate, other than perhaps lapping up his info blindly.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
No, I am seeing a therapist, because we are at loggerheads. I mean, when he tells me 50 year old people have sex every night and the internet lies when it tells me otherwise, but my PS meter is going off, and I can't point out to him that me having sex with him 30 THIRTY times (probably more) a month is way beyond what I need emotionally, but here i am for you meetingTHIS emotional need and he just tells me its normal and its expected and therefore I don't have to meet YOUR emotional needs, I just need someone who can balance me out. Don't you think therapy is a distraction at this critical time? I mean, it takes valuable time and attention away from your marriage. For no good reason. The program addressed the issue above. We don't believe you should EVER meet needs in a way that makes you unhappy. you can find a way to meet his needs that makes you both happy. But if he is not even going to meet your needs at all, this is a non starter. It would be pointless.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
bump, I think this is WARDSDOG's wife
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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