Could you explain what that is, please?

I did a quick Google to see what that is. Sounds like it's some technique to tell when a couple is a "mixed agenda" couple. i.e., one is enthusiastic about saving the marriage, and one is not.

That sounds silly to me, because ALL the couples here are like that. We already know your spouse is reluctant about the marriage. There is always a reluctant spouse or you wouldn't be here.

Dr. Harley already knew how to handle the reluctant spouse problem years before anyone invented the term "discernment counseling," although I suppose it might help some other counselors to finally figure out that this is a problem.

One page I looked at contained this comment: "As feelings and thoughts are clarified, a decision about the future of the relationship can be reached more easily. From there, the couple can be guided in separating amicably"

I have to laugh ruefully at that because there is no amicable separation.

I would focus on saving your marriage and protecting your children. Going to "counseling" will do neither.

The reason you would file for divorce is not to get divorced, but to get legal protection for your kids. That has to be your first order of business. Who else is going to protect them, if not you?

I am sure you want to be with her, and we will do everything possible to make that happen, but IT IS A LONG, LONG SHOT because this is very far gone. We will guide you to do everything possible to get her back, and if it happens, you can drop the divorce. But, protect your kids FIRST.

Im afraid if i push sole custody it will piss her off and try to screw me. She told me sat she had already filed for divorce but is left me everything and is not asking for child support. Since she left we have actually talked about our time with the kids, bills etc and everything has been extremely peaceful and agreesble. We have even had peaceful talks about our marraige and what went wrong. Im not reaching out to her by any means , Im not calling her about it or pushing the issue it just happensin the middle of the conversations.
And it prolly means nothing but she has a picture of her and i at her place in her living room.

You need to do the right thing for your kids and do everything in your power to protect them. The best time to do that is when she is fogged out and distracted.

Thanks melody.

In my state the only no-fault divorce u can file is incompatibility. Which Im assuming she had to had file under that. But the catch is u and ur spouse have to attend classes about the effects of divorce on the kids (if u have minor children which we do). Anybody have any luck with that helping to stop the divorce?

In most no fault states, adultery is taken into account when to comes to child custody and property division.

Unfortunately, according to my lawyer, that is not the case in my state. :-(