Hi anywife,yes you could be right.she looks very deppresed when I last saw her.I would love her to get some help.But I don't know how to go about it as she hasn't lived here for a month.But I have just phoned her eldest child and she is very sensible.I read her your post and suggestions and she agreed with you that she could be ill.She will try and get her mum to see the doctor but said it won't be easy as she is hardly talking to her either and says when she has spoke, if she does answer the phone she just sounds distant and lost.I don't think I have a chance of killing off her affair as she seems so obsessed with him and his illness.I wish I could but don't think anything will separate her from him.I am gratefull for your suggestion and that is why I joined this great site.thanks rob

Had you thought about emailing Dr Harley and asking for his advice? He may have some insights. I am guessing that he will tell you to fight very hard for your wife but he will have some more specific actions for you too. This seems so tragic.

hi livingwell,that is a good idea,I will email him.It is really tragic and it makes it so much more difficult to cope with.If she ran off with some handsome rich man with his own house,it would be easier to get our heads around.thanks rob

Come back and tell us what he says.

Yes i certainly will.I don't know his email so i just emailed mb and asked them.Would you know where I could find it please.Also i will let you know if my step daughter had any luck with asking her to see a doctor.It's very difficult times at the minute.We will probably lose the house and struggling with our daughter.She just goes up stairs on her ipad.And doesn't really open up to me.She just says when am I seeing mum.I say I don't know just let her ring you and don't be moody with her as that will put her off seeing you.Just be nice is all I can say really.

I have emailed them.cheers

I have been consumed with anger and hatred towards my wife today and it feels quite refreshing.I have been thinking that if she is the sort of person who can't even be bothered to reply to a text concerning my daughter.
Betray private things to her om and put me down with him.
manipulate me into giving her lifts and picking her up from the bus station after she had been visiting him.
getting me to store some of his belongings in our house,which are still here.
lying and letting our daughter down.
Leaving us with loads on dept without a care how I am going to pay it off.
spending hundreds of pounds each month on her mobile.I just looked at the phone bill.Quite all her jobs without even the grace to let them know.
Thinks it's ok to have an affair and then found out,just say I can't help how I feel.
Just dismiss your partner after 21 years without even a care how they feel.
I prefer this feeling than missing her and feeling heart broken.I hope it lasts.

Are you supporting her financially?

You have to see a lawyer to figure out how to prevent her from ruining your finances even more.
The first consultation is often free.

Even if you stay together in the long run and she comes to her senses, it will be much easier to recover if your finances are stable.

And do let her know cordially that his belongings have been thrown out and will be recovered by the garbage man if noone comes to pick them up.

Plan A does not mean that you are under any obligation to help the affair along, financially or by keeping his belongings in store.

Maybe she will show up for that...

I am not supporting her,he is.She has left the home and recieves no money from me.

Does anyone know where i can find a copy of plan A.There seem to be some examples of plan B.I would like to try plan A properly and give it a last shot.Thanks rob

Here is a link to the basic concept Plan A
If you do a search you will find lots more on this topic.

Have you heard back from Marriage Builder's radio? I'm sure Dr Harley will tell you to Plan A your wife for as long as you can.

Hi livingwell.Joyce contacted me a couple of days ago and asked me to email her the details.Which I did.
Have not heard anything else yet.Thanks for asking.
I also don't know if she has been to the doctors yet.
I hope she hasn't turned my step daughter against me as I have sent a few texts but haven't heard back.cheers rob

When you write your background, be sure to add that your wife was earning more than you. Important to add this as it can be very destructive to relationships. Is there any chance that you could get a better job?

Hi livingwell.I did put in the email these things.
I am a gardener but I couldn,t do more work as she always needed the car by early afternoon,for her caring job.
I spoke to my step daughter today and she is having trouble mentioning to her mum that she might need a doctor.
She said that the om has been in hospital for the past week because of his illness and my wife has been sleeping in a chair at the hospital.
She hasn't had a shower or much to eat.
She is supposed to be seeing our daughter tommorow.I hope she sticks to her promise.Thanks for your help livingwell.You are a good person.I should have married you instead lol.

Just got back from picking my daughter up.She did see her mum today.
I gave my daughter some money to buy some clothes and some money for my wife and daughter to get some lunch in a restaurant.So they would have some quality time together.
My daughter said it went ok but she seemed weird and smelt a bit.
I saw my step son earlier and he said he isn't speaking to his mum anymore because she spends all her time with her om.It is nice to have some support.It makes me realise that it's not my fault.
It seems there is no such thing as loyalty and talking about things anymore.No wonder there is so many divorces.

Good move. You mentioned that you were close to losing your house. Plan A is about showing you are the best option. What about taking on some additional work so that you are also her rock financially?

Hi living well,the finances are looking better now.We don't own our house and it is a rented council house in a nice village in south west England.
A local charity said they would help me pay off some of the old debts.And other debts I can pay off fairly small amounts monthly.
So at the minute things are looking better.
I haven't heard anything more from dr harley so i might go ahead and do a plan A as best as I can.
I will mention that I have the finances under control and the house is tidier than ever.And I will do my fare share of house work.
It seems so strange that she is so obsessed with the om.Giving up everything for him.They can never have a future together or have sex with him.
I really feel she is under his control.