But you do plan to expose the affair, right? That should be done once you have evidence, without forewarning her. If you keep snooping you will eventually get the goods. She can't hide it forever.

If I get proof I will expose it. I know I claimed to be good at digging and I think I am. Just not sure how to find proof. She works in a government office. He works in another building 20 minutes away. Short of getting their calendars which I don't think she will volunteer. I know she was rarely out of the office when she was at work as she was busy catching up on missed work from when she was off. That and her 12 staff coming to her door... her boss.. and her two co-workers and their teams. She gets 30 minutes for lunch, which she normally takes at her desk.

Some ways she could carry on her affair at work would be a) over the phone, b) work skype, c) he could come to her building and they could meet in the parking garage or any other place in the building, d) he could pick her up at the front door, e) she could take an afternoon off and meet him some place. There are a million ways.

You cannot talk her out of it with logic.
Your only chance is plan A, while quietly collecting evidence.

DO NOT talk to her about exposing in any way shape or form and do not let on that you even think he plays a role anymore.
Try to get her to laugh as you did before you got her to date you. You are in a very serious competition here with someone who does not have to share bills and household worries with her. You are the father of her children, which is a huge advantage on your part. But stop having unpleasant interactions with her and talk about problems.

Get evidence as much as you can and if she doesn't want to date you, you may be able ton sneak fun time by taking the whole family to outings she would find enjoyable. If the boys are having a sports game yoi can watch it with her and buy her an ice cream. You know her best so be creative and snoop like crazy at the same time.

Do not get discouraged if she does not respond rightaway. Most women can only be in love with one person at once. Untill you gather more points than the affair fantasy, or (which is much more realistic) you break up the fantasy by exposure with facts, she will not let on that she appreciates your efforts.

MelodyLane, I don't deny there are ways. The PA part, is the part I find challenging. I don't beleive he drives to work, as I think he has one car and he lives right next to transit that would be perfect. But as a means of meeting....
I know work skype is out nobody has video chat on thier computers. The phone is the most probable method of communicating.

HappyHeart,
Thank you, this is my plan, I goofed last night, but think I covered it. I am doing nothing but working for laughs and time now.
We just got back from grocery shopping, just her and I the first time probably since the boys were born that we did that together.
Not exactly ua time, but the closest I have had in a few weeks.
She did suggest a nice dinner for Tuesday night, which was a surprise, the boys will be with us but at least I can cook, and spoil them a bit.
Did get a couple of chuckles, while shopping. She is sleeping now. (Depression)
Thank

So why could they not meet? I am confused. If he owns a car and lives right next to a transit, wouldn't that get him there?



We have skype chat on our computers and it is not video chat. Even so, they do have phones. '

I am confused why you would think this is challenging?

Sorry, I was refering to public transit -the bus route is near his home. And faster and cheaper than it would be for him to drive. It is the getting proof part. I don't have the $$ to have a PI sit outside our home all day for weeks. Also the few neighbours arond would get suspicous. I can't hack her BB, as it is locked down by her work, nor when she goes back to work, can I have a PI follow her all day there.
All I have is what ahe told me, and I worry, that is all I will get.
Without, more I can't expose, and thus might not br able to break the spell, and scare him away.
I know it is wrong, and can already here you saying no - is I want to try and scare him away.
I won't.

We don't suggest you expose without evidence.

I know especially, in this xase, if ww is telling the truth, he may know nothing.
My exposure then could just be telling him of an opportunity.
I know small chance of that.
Well, just finished watching The Jungle Book as a family.
Ww is back in our bed she slept in the spare room last night.

Nothing to update. WW is talking about returning to work early - she was set to be off until the end of this month. Not sure of the implications.

Still planning on cooking a family dinner tonight, she seems chilly, but trying to create a balance between space, and availability - on my part. We watched TV together last night while supper ccoked, then I took our youngest to Archery, and she went to her "bruler-kilo" (sorry - French is her first language and we live in the one place that French is the first langauge in Canada - Her excersice class.

I have a question un-related to my situation - I wanted to ask one of you here before I posted a suggestion on another thread - I tried to send a PM to ML - who is working with another BH and I am not able to send a PM. Is there any way I can ask without posting the information in case it is off base? Thank you.

PMs are not allowed on the MB site.

I strongly urge the use of good old fashioned stand alone digital VAR units. These will catch voice to text, calls, discussions with vehicle passengers, and will also log recording times. That will help if GPS is turned off, by checking duration of travel. Get a couple, less than $30 each. Set the menu to no beep, no led, sensitive mic, and let them run. Get one for the vehicle, one for bedroom, and move one around from place to place.

BrianHurts, Understood,
I will post my question here - it is related to another thread I am reading - involving abrrba, and his efforts to get his ww to quite her job. I have not finished yet, but it seems like this is still ongoing. It occurred to me that security clearances are an issue in her workplace - I think there was mention of Secret clearance required. I don't know about the US rules as much, but an affair can have a huge impact on clearances - the whole idea of reliability comes into question. In this case there might be (speculating) a clause in the contract that the company his wife has with the government requiring the company to inform the contract holder if there are any changes in a persons life that may impact their ability to hold a security clearance. As it is described in the thread, the company is aware that two of its employees are having a physical affair at the sight of employment, and they (the company) has done nothing. I could see this causing the company huge issues, and they may be persuaded to release one, or both of the offenders, rather than loose the contract. I understand that this may seem drastic - and as I am very new to these boards, I wouldn't want to post that as a suggestion on his thread without input from everyone here who has been there, and has their heads on straight. Which I acknowledge mine isn't.
Thank you.

Thank you - so about 50 or so Canadian,
May I ask do you have links to suggested ones?
Thank you.

Oh, and as a little humour - on Sunday, I was up on the roof shoveling snow off. Our youngest was up there with me (no safety concerns if he fell off, it would have been a few feet to soft fluffy snow - and WW had approved the adventure. Anyway after I worked for a bit, I asked him to go back inside so I wouldn't hit him with snow or ice (breaking it off from an overhang). Apparently while inside he looked at WW and asked her if OM could do that (shovel the snow off the roof).

Kid gets an extra hug for that.

I've had good luck with the low end Olympus voice recorder units, but playback can be tedious, even at 2x. The higher end ones allow download so you can review with an app that would allow you to visually scan recording levels.

I'm not sure about product link protocol, so I will trust your search abilities

Thanks,
I found the 4GB (WS852 and the 8GB (WS853) they are 69.99 and 99.99 (Canadian) respectively.
I will stop in at the store, and see if they have any in stock.

I paid about $40 for mine. It's a Sony T-mark, and it worked well. The key is just hiding it well. I velcroed mine to the frame of our bed where my wife would Skype and go into chat rooms. I got the intel I needed. Hide them wherever she takes her private moments. Good luck.

Sorry, I just saw a comment on another thread that applies to me, I wonder to what extent. living_well advised another BM to let Joyce know that his WW makes more than he does.
I understand that traditionally men have made more then women, but in some cases (mine for example) the women makes more. I make more than minimum wage, and would be considered as more than the median income for a single parent family in my province. My wife is a talented person with a specific skill set who presently makes about twice my salary. How damaging could this be? Short of getting a second job, which would cut into any chance of UA, suggestions? I can see the possibility of increasing my salary - but very unlikely that I could double it and become at least equal to her.
Thank you