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Originally Posted by rob68
I have got a job to remember how to play monoploy lol.was never much good at it.frustration or snap is more my level.I think I have killed off all my brain cells over the years.how are things going with you livingwell.? are you in the uk at the minute?


Snap is perfect :-) The idea is to bond with your daughter and have fun.



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I spoke on the phone to my step daughter today.She said her mum has changed massifely since she met OM.

She said her mum said on the phone the other night that she is fed up of everyone feeling sorry for rob and that he wasn't a golden husband and that she use to leave the house tidy and come back to washing up.Which was true sometimes but then i use to do all the gardening, dog walking and being there for our daughter.And cooking food.Don't know if this means anything.

Also i have been putting a lot of effort every spare minute decorating the house and would love WW to see it but don't think she will ever come here again.

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Originally Posted by rob68
Also i have been putting a lot of effort every spare minute decorating the house.


Brilliant idea, well done.


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Things aren't looking good at all.I think I have more chance of winning the lottery than getting my wife back.And I don't even do the lottery.

DD stayed at her sisters yesterday and WW stayed there to.I talked to step daughter when I picked up DD.WW wife had gone but step daughter said that there is no chance of her mum coming back and said her mum was talking about divorce and is getting a place with om.I don't think I can do anything now and WW has made up her mind.I feel so much pain after all those years together and there is nothing I can do.

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Originally Posted by rob68
Things aren't looking good at all.I think I have more chance of winning the lottery than getting my wife back.And I don't even do the lottery.
rotflmao

Originally Posted by rob68
step daughter said that there is no chance of her mum coming back and said her mum was talking about divorce and is getting a place with om


Your step daughter is just repeating what she hears. She does not have the life experience to know what your WW will do. OM will die. As long as the door is open and the prospect of returning to her marriage is attractive to her, you have a great shot at winning back your wife's heart.

Can I suggest you not have any more conversations like this with step daughter? They just make you miserable and are not useful. Keep it light and cheerful with her.


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Hi livingwell.My step daughter is 31 and has a 2 year old child.She sat there with her mum and talked about it all and said her mum had been looking in to a divorce and she said her mum obviously has a connection with om.She told me that even when om dies she said her mum won't come back.And they have got a place together so obviously ww has moved on.

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Of course she has moved on. But that doesn't mean she won't eventually come back. MB is a Phoenix that rises from the ashes program. It doesn't always happen, but we know that your best shot is following the program and ignoring the fogbabble of your WW. Just stick to Plan A and control what you can control.

What are you doing to keep your Plan A strong? Tell us how you plan to implement the plan this week.

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It is WW birthday in a few days so I was going to write out the letter that I emailed to her and put it in a birthday card.She hasn't opened the email.That is why I will write it.A bit worried about depts as I told step daughter that alot of my depts have been paid off on the house by a charity but they wouldn't pay off the ones in WW name.That might put her off coming back.Any thing you reccommend please.Things aren't looking good and I won't be surprised if a divorce letter comes through the post soon

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Originally Posted by rob68
It is WW birthday in a few days so I was going to write out the letter that I emailed to her and put it in a birthday card.

Lovely idea!

Originally Posted by rob68
A bit worried about depts as I told step daughter that alot of my depts have been paid off on the house by a charity but they wouldn't pay off the ones in WW name.

That is quite right. Neither you not the charity should be funding her affair.

Originally Posted by rob68
That might put her off coming back.Any thing you reccommend please.Things aren't looking good and I won't be surprised if a divorce letter comes through the post soon


Debts are not going to put her off coming back. They are not attached to an address, they are attached to a person. They will affect her ability to borrow any more money. Make sure she does not have access to your bank account or credit card.

If you receive divorce papers in the post, come back here for advice on what to do next. But she would need to pay a solicitor. She cannot do that if she has no money so this seems very unlikely.


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No I know depts are attached to the name but I suspect ww doesn't.I know ww has no money but om seems to.So he would probably pay.

WW doesn't have access to my bank account thank god.

I know a divorce is coming I can feel it in my gut.The marriage is also over I just know it.There ain't no way she will ever come back.

WW is a totally different person now.I feel so angry and bitter now.21 YEARS TOGETHER.Just feel like she never really cared.Never wanted sex much and I believed she was depressed,She obviously never was attracted to me,
never going to pay me back the money she owes me,left me with all these depts.I just feel I have been used all these years.Hard to get my head around.She has been so horrible and has the cheek to say to step daughter that she is getting annoyed that people are feeling sorry for me.She feels anoyyed what a joke.


She has no idea the pain and grief and stress she has caused.People can call it the fog but I call it a nasty selfish using person who couldn't give a dam.OM has videos on you tube and he is vile.He looks like some dirty old man.Just don't no what WW sees in him.Very odd

Last edited by rob68; 03/07/17 05:26 PM.
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Originally Posted by living_well
If you receive divorce papers in the post, come back here for advice on what to do next. But she would need to pay a solicitor. She cannot do that if she has no money so this seems very unlikely.
A divorce filing can be handled entirely online, in the UK. There is no need to get a solicitor involved at all.


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Ok thanks sugarcane.Doesn't look good though does it?

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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by living_well
If you receive divorce papers in the post, come back here for advice on what to do next. But she would need to pay a solicitor. She cannot do that if she has no money so this seems very unlikely.
A divorce filing can be handled entirely online, in the UK. There is no need to get a solicitor involved at all.


Even with minor children and child support?


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Originally Posted by living_well
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by living_well
If you receive divorce papers in the post, come back here for advice on what to do next. But she would need to pay a solicitor. She cannot do that if she has no money so this seems very unlikely.
A divorce filing can be handled entirely online, in the UK. There is no need to get a solicitor involved at all.

Even with minor children and child support?
Yes. My son was 14 when I saw a solicitor who told me this. The information is available to check online, if you have doubts.

A court will want to approve visitation and child support for minor children, but this, and the filing itself, can be done without a solicitor. When parents make "reasonable" agreements between themselves, they can come up with agreements that courts approve. I was encouraged to use a formula to work out child support (I think this was the formula of the Child Support Agency, as it then was - available online) and to buy my husband out of the house straight away, to remove any issues later. If we made each other offers about child support, the house, pensions and savings, that were reasonable to both, we could avoid the cost of lawyers altogether. I paid a solicitor a one-off fee for this this information, and she urged me not to get a lawyer involved, because of the cost. (I didn't go through with this, as you may know, because my husband gave up his job and ended the never-ending affair).


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Originally Posted by SugarCane
A court will want to approve visitation and child support for minor children, but this, and the filing itself, can be done without a solicitor. When parents make "reasonable" agreements between themselves, they can come up with agreements that courts approve. I was encouraged to use a formula to work out child support (I think this was the formula of the Child Support Agency, as it then was - available online) and to buy my husband out of the house straight away, to remove any issues later. If we made each other offers about child support, the house, pensions and savings, that were reasonable to both, we could avoid the cost of lawyers altogether. I paid a solicitor a one-off fee for this this information, and she urged me not to get a lawyer involved, because of the cost. (I didn't go through with this, as you may know, because my husband gave up his job and ended the never-ending affair).


Thank you for this and for taking the time to put in so much detail. Sounds as if Rob just needs to not agree to a settlement for this route to be closed off?

But generally a serial adulterer like OM is not interested in divorce. So WW may be unpleasantly surprised about her plans.


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How are you doing Rob?


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Originally Posted by living_well
Thank you for this and for taking the time to put in so much detail. Sounds as if Rob just needs to not agree to a settlement for this route to be closed off?
She can file for divorce online and not seek a settlement. She seems willing to walk away from her whole life - she just wants her freedom to be with OM - so she might well do this.

Rob can't stop his wife filing for divorce. It will take varying amounts of time for the divorce to become final, depending on her grounds, and on whether Rob contests it, but he cannot stop her filing, and if she wants, they will be divorced one day. The law on this can work slowly in the UK, but ultimately, people are not forced to stay married against their will.


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Hi livingwell.Really struggling emotionally to be honest with you.I miss her badly and everthing I do reminds me of her.Then sometimes I feel angry that she can just treat someone this way after 21 years.Now i'm forgot about after just over 2 and a half months.For someone she hasn't known for very long.

It's a hard pill to swallow and don't think I will ever recover from this.

I don't think she has been happy for a long time and just waited for an oppotunity to come along to leave.


I haven't been happy really but that doesn't mean I wanted to be without WW.I guess I have felt unloved for a long time.Maybe WW has too.I would love to work on the marriage but am not hopefull.


I find thinking about days out and holidays the worst for some reason.Makes me miss her more.Going to drop the letter into her friends in a birthday card for WW either today or tommorow,you know the letter happyheart helped write.hope your well livingwell.cheers rob

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Really hurt tonight.DD wanted me to drive to a takeaway and i said tommorow when we take your mums cards over to her friends house.As i can't afford the fuel to go over twice.DD was cross and rang her mum and said I wouldn't get a takeaway for her her.She had her mum on loud speaker and said happy birthday and we have got you some cards for tommorow and your creepy ex has got you a card[meaning me]And he wants you back.I heard WW say aww no thank you,no thank you.That really cut deep.I feel betrayed by everyone as though I am the bad guy.I feel cross with my daughter like she has stabbed me in the back and can't understand why WW hates me and has forgot about me.My step daughter seems to agree with me one minute and not the next.

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Your daughter is suffering but she must not be allowed to behave like this. Generally withdrawal of privileges is the way to deal with badly behaved teenagers.

I suggest you cancel the offer of a takeaway for tomorrow. Tell DD that her behaviour is not acceptable.

Ignore WW's fogbabble. That is meaningless.


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