I sent one today.

Great and let us know when you hear back.

Did you hear back?

They answered it that day on the air. They basically said he should be making love to me 2 times a week and he should see an endocrinologist. I wrote back with the specifics of his health condition that I don't want to put here nor do i wish for them to air on the radio. His testosterone levels were fine. It is this health issue plus how the health issue happened. Anyway, I never heard back after I sent in the new info.

I'd like to see a response to this ...

Just an update:

Not sure if you guys alerted him or not but Dr. Harley got in touch with me and hadn't received my update. After I sent it to him, he suggested I drop the sex stuff for now and work on conversation.

Prisca, I am not horribly unhappy exactly. He IS trying. He has brought me flowers twice in the last couple of weeks. We continue to spend at least 15 hours together. He doesn't complain about his health anymore. However, he has to keep a journal for his doctors and I peeked at it.. He feels really bad. ( Part of the reason Dr. Harley suggested dropping the SF for now.)

I think some of it is me. I've noticed I really cannot seem to have conversations with anyone right now. I'm happy if I'm busy working with people: teaching a concept, organizing things, etc But as far as intimate conversation, I seem unable to do that. I can't think of anything to say... We have started listening to a podcast together and discussing that. We have nice conversations about charity work and other things we need to "do." But just fun, lighthearted laughing conversations, not so much. But honestly, he just isn't up for it I think. He tries. He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes, but if I felt the way he did I'm not sure I would be able to be as pleasant as he is...

People who are happy don't post here seeking help. The fact is, your husband can and should be doing a lot more for you.

I'm not sure what else he can/should do. He is setting aside a minimum of 15 hours. ( We often get more now that he is working half time.) He tells me he loves me many times a day. As I mentioned he is bringing me flowers. He is appreciative and thanks me for the many things I do for him. He doesn't love bust me. He is a great provider. If I ask him to do something, he does it. I think the bad conversation is probably as much my fault as his. i cannot think of anything to say.

Get some magazines or start a hobby together. Look for new things to discuss from the news, etc.

I really don't want to start anything else. We already do a lot of church work together and charity work. We talk about tons of things that we need to "do." The hobby would just become work.

Does your husband know that you feel like this?

That seems to be unhelpful and would only make him feel bad . I guess I'm not sure how this is all his fault. I mean I don't really feel like I love my children either. Is that their fault as well. I just don't feel overwhelming love for either one. But I've never been a person to live by feelings anyway. You do what is right regardless of what you feel. I just read on the website and it gives me hope that you can have that gushy love 24/7...

Yes it is possible to have that gushy love 24/7.

It's not a matter of fault.

It's a matter of how relationships work.

The target or mark is achieving that feeling of gushy love. You are each responsible for creating that feeling of love in each other.

If he isn't achieving that, he is missing the mark, and he needs to know that through radical honesty.

One thing that would make you more likely to feel love is if you felt you could open up to him and tell him how you really feel.

Dr. Harley can help you do that in a way that motivates your husband to improve rather than demotivating him.

Yes he might feel bad, but he will feel a lot better WHEN HE IS HITTING THE MARK!

I do not think it is possible. Our oldest tried to commit suicide. Yet we are expected to continue our 15 hours on undivided attention...which we are doing, but fun. Not so much. We are both at the end of our rope.... Now I am looking at at breast cancer diagnosis. Yeah, have fun, be spontaneously in love.... Won't ever happen.

Thankfully, he is a good guy and we are facing all of this together. He is so incredibly supportive.

I would like for things to be romantic and fun, but life doesn't work that way.

Dr. HARLEY addressed my question today. They still say 15 hours away is the way to go but you cannot discuss your tragedies. That leaves us in silence at restaurants. I have 12 hour drive each way coming up with him by ourselves for a trip in a few weeks. I'm not looking forward to it.

Can you find a hobby or sport you both enjoy? That way you can learn it and then play/do it together. No need to sit in a restaurant if that does not work for you.

Why doesn't your life work that way? Why would you choose to have an unhappy marriage? Your life works the way you work it.

Our son was killed in a car accident in November and my H had a heart attack in March. I assure you we don't grovel in our tragedies on our dates. Nor do we sit there in silence. If you do, I would suggest that is a very poor choice. YOu will find your dates will be so much more pleasant if you talk about other things.

I don't expect you to EVER take the advice on this forum because you never have in the YEARS you have been here but I want others to know that this program is only impossible if one refuses to apply it.

Sorry for your loss. It only proves how much better you are than I am. I just cannot do it. I do not have the strength. You are right there is no hope.. Thank you for making me see it clearly.

Strength is a choice. Yes, you can do it, but you won't. There is no hope if you refuse to do anything to change. Do you think you help your - LIVING - son by groveling in your tragedies?

No one can help someone who refuses to be helped. How many years have you been on this forum complaining about the same problem under various names?

There is no hope as long as you refuse to tell your husband about how bored and unhappy you are, and to ask for his help in putting a rocket under your marriage.

You've been here a long time, identifying very clearly the aspects of your life that are unrewarding. You speak of the boredom caused by the remote place in which you live, by your farm, which you do not love and which takes up your time (if I remember correctly), by your lifestyle in general, and by your husband's topics of conversation, including his work and his ill health (again, if I remember correctly).

You tell US this, but you won't tell him. When I have suggested that you become radically honest with him about your unhappiness, you say that this will hurt him and that he does not deserve that.

Well, I can only reiterate what I have said before: your husband is giving you an unfulfilling marriage, but he cannot put that right if he does not know that fact.

You are trying to fix the problems with your marriage by yourself. You seem to hope that by posting on forums for advice, you can be given a magic solution that will make your husband interesting and sexy, when he does not know that he is uninteresting and unsexy. He is a good man, you say, because he is selfless and unstinting in his care for people, but he does not excite you because he is not passionate or romantic about YOU.

Your problems cannot be solved when only you are trying to find solutions to problems that your husband does not even know exist. If you are unwilling ever to talk to him, kindly but clearly, about what is wrong, then yes, there is no hope - but it need not be so.