I read somewhere that Canadian PIs won't do this in these types of situations. I would love to be wrong though. Seems to me this would be a pretty simple search - as mentioned I have everything but her name, phone, and address.
Thank you.

G2S - Yes, and I am getting the letter for her friends and family translated so that will help. On a related note I took a look at her messenger stream with her confident. I took screenshots, and translated the exchange here it is:

Confident
Hi WW, a long time ago !!! I often think of you 😍 I hope you managed to make a decision before it all went too far!
Oops too low !!

WW
It feels a little bit better. I decided to give BS (Me) a real chance because really, the changes he brings give me hope. But in fact, I realize that my depression encompasses many more things than BS or POSOM. Finally. We'll see. And you? How are you ?

I still agree that never believe a WW - in this case, this does give me hope - WW has no reason to lie to her friend, and has no idea that I could read this exchange.

The people who want to find evidence and the information needed to expose MAKE IT HAPPEN.

It's really that simple.

SusieQ
You are correct.

On a related note we (WW and I) had a long call with Jennifer last night. At the end of my portion of the call I asked if I should expose and Jenn felt that if I did it would be detrimental in this case - this being an exception.

If I had been able to do it a month or two ago - no problem, but now, it would be counter to what Jenn negotiated with my wife. On that note, I am to focus on being the best that I can for Plan A - and accept that there could be something going on - although I am even more confident after the call that this was a one sided EA, mostly in the mind of my wife.

For the next 3 months, I have to ignore the possibility that WW could be talking to POSOM or worse, and just be an awesome alternative.

I can't say enough positive about Jennifer - she was supposed to spend 15-20 minutes with each of us, and I was in another room as she talked with my WW so I don't know what they talked about, but as the clock ticked past 30 minutes, and more, I felt that longer is better. My WW isn't scared to hang-up on someone so the fact that she didn't seems good.

My immediate job 1)Look at all my possible LBs and write them down, along with alternatives I will replace them with.
2) Figure out some fun activities - again Jennifer was great and managed to get some ideas from WW - that WW will enjoy that we can do together. - those I need to study for.

Thank you.

WARNING TO Newly BS's - Listen to the Experts here

I purchased and "used" a VAR early on when I was first snooping. I was scared that it would be discovered if I sent it to work etc so I used it only at home.

Late last week WW admitted to calling POSOM on Tuesday (her day off).

This prompted my to take another look at the recorder from the time I did actually have it in place and was testing it.

I imported the two tracks that I thought were really small and hadn't captured anything into the software and sat down for a listen. I wish I had done this a when the tracks were first recorded - I didn't realize that a 19mb file could contain 56 minutes of audio - over ten of which would have been enough for an exposure at the time.
In short
1) I caught them talking - after she promised no contact (without using the NC letter)
2) He invited her to his new place once he moves (I speculate this was June first so the visit may already have happened)
3) WW thinks that all her friends and family will support her when / if she leaves - she is staying mostly for the children and so I can get stronger.
4) WW acknowledges that she doesn't now if she should call be she misses him.

Again -all newly BS's don't be a Me (I wanted to write id10t here) snoop like the experts will tell you to - listen to the VAR - and if / when you find enough - expose.

I have an interesting one - and it seems to be the biggest hang-up my WW claims in terms of being willing to give us a try - that and the fog - but leave that alone.

She feels and displays incredible resentment towards me (rightfully IMO) for not meeting her ENs in the past.

I was in many was a lazy husband, I didn't do what I could have / should have around the house or for the family.
TV was my escape when I came home to rest - letting her do meal preparation and for many years the clean-up as well (I agree an offense worth stoning).

I own all of this, and since shortly after discovering MB (like the next day) I stopped watching any TV - I actually haven't turned it on in weeks - except for background music when working.
I have also upped my game to do what I should have been doing since day one - more than my share of DS and Family Support. This has been going on since January, and I don't intend to slack off.

I get she may wonder if I will continue - that is valid - and that I think I can overcome - simply by never stopping.

However, WW is stuck on not being able to move past my years of failure - how can I over come this?
Her resentment on this is greater than I feel about her EA.

Part of me wonders if this is just an excuse on her part, or if it is completely valid does just compensation work here? She isn't open to discussing this and we had a real rough week-end as a result - I LB'd a few times (my weakness is "lecturing" but in this case it was my desire to understand, and asking questions to understand her logic) now a day later with a nights sleep I see that was just stupid on my part - I was probably trying to understand a drunk.

I am putting this in the MB101 as it isn't resentment associated with an affair - so it might be helpful for couples trying to improve a marriage without the infidelity aspect.

Thank you.

How does someone who is such a tech expert as this:

...who brushed off our advice to snoop because he was such an expert, not know this?

And even if you didn't know this, why on earth would you not listen to EVERY scrap of recording you had? How many mbs do you think it would have taken for her to ring him and say "See you next Tuesday, as usual?"

SugarCane -
I already (way back) ate crow on thinking I could find OMW - agree - owned and I bow my head in shame.
Incidentally - I used to do skip tracing of people for debts - before google and facebook - I wonder if I would have found OMW at that time although then I at least had a name and address to start.

Tracking of OMW is on hold per Jennifer's recommendation, but I have one person that may be her - we will see - if needed.


-No excuse, I turned it on (using just the VAR) and heard mundane noise (morning routine getting ready for work) and figured there wouldn't be much there (again the size). Turned it off. It wasn't until I brought into work and imported the files that I saw it was actually almost an hour long - then I listened to the whole thing on highspeed - stopping when I heard WW's voice. This recording was from March 17th - I wonder how things would be different if I had heard this then and reacted to it at the time.


My message - don't be like me. Don't ignore any chance.

Why would that be on hold? That is affair recovery 101.

Is this Dr Harley's daughter, Dr. Chalmers?

Is she NC with her affair partner? Seems like a smoke screen to me. Or like a fog-screen. I don't think in your situation you can look at this without the infidelity aspect.

She is not - and yes this is probably a big part of it.

I don't think it is all of it though. Even if I assume that it is all fogbabble - I still feel that I owe JC for not stepping up on the EN side from day one - if for no other reason than to address my guilt in that regard what can I do?

Yes, and she discussed it with her father, before confirming it with me during our second call.

This is an exception to the normal rule and it is only due to the circumstances - Jennifer negotiated a 3 month period (with my WW) to work with us. She (Jennifer) feels that exposure at this time would end that agreement.

Just to clarify- the tracking isn't on hold - the contact of this person is though - as if I contact...

Thank you

But it IS resentment associated with an affair.

She is in an active affair (as you posted today), and she is unhappy because of it. She may well have been unhappy before the affair, but now that she is in it, she is miserable because of the hurt she is causing to everyone, including herself, and because she can't have OM the way she wants to.

There is no way to disentangle her resentful feelings towards you from her affair fog. Only when the affair is killed dead will you be able to make effective deposits by meeting ENs - and, as we keep telling you, you need to expose to get the best chance to end the affair.

So the agreement included that your wife continue to shag her boyfriend in these 3 months?

At what point will the OM wife be informed?

What are the exceptional circumstances in your case?

How is Jennifer still working with you? Are you in regular contact with her?

I am curious about this too. What are these special "circumstances?"

MelodyLane 1) - no it didn't - but to quote Jennifer - I work on Plan A - and keep my hamster (brain) in neutral - no matter what is happening or what I imagine is happening) I plan A for three months -I dropped the ball on this yesterday though.

2) Once the three months are over if we haven't moved onto recovery I will be doing exposure and going to Plan B. Otherwise - I will be calling the person who I suspect is the OM former W and talking and filling her in.

SugarCane 1) I don't really see any - except for a WW who is really stubborn and Jennifer felt that not exposing at this time to get the three months was better than exposing and getting no time. If you recall early on (I think like post 2 or 3) I let slip the option of exposure.
After yesterday, I am starting to second guess this, and wonder if the three months is worth it.

2) Yes - we talk every other week - part of the call with WW, and then with me. The intent was to show the benefits of Plan A as WW is staying around "mostly just for the kids" and that the changes I am making are solid and worth it.

Isn't she staying because you already threatened to expose to the OMBW when she told you she was going to leave? It sounds to me looking back like you two made some kind of deal to delay exposure in order for her to stay and give you time to Plan A her.