What about the emails i found that they sent to each other? In them they talk about their spouses finding out and wanting them back. He has to know, I just don't know how much and ya, not sure about the emails with me.

What can I do?

I can't believe you would say he knows when you have absolutely no evidence of any such thing. the OW is a liar who would tell your H anything if it served her purposes. For all you know, he has no earthly idea. And perhaps he does, but you need to verify it.



What is your plan?

I agree, until you've spoken to OWBH yourself you can figure he doesn't know about the affair. We've seen it many times where the OM/OW intercept the messages and respond as the BH/BW and the whole time the BS is totally in the dark.

Do you know where he works? Can you go to the address you know and see if it is him? Can you hire a PI to track him down?

OW & BH live 2 hours from me, the address I have is in that area. I really do not want to go out there. I do not know where he works, what H has said is that he does not work and lives off of a family trust.

I have a phone number that could be his. I have tried it a no one answers. Should I leave a voicemail?

I'm feeling quite a mess right now; its my birthday tomorrow and my daughters next week. I dont know that I want the drama that tracking him down and continuing to try to contact is going to bring. Is it worth it?

HELL YES it is worth it. If he doesn't know, which I suspect, he could be the key.

Should I leave a voicemail?

Can you afford a PI to confirm that's the correct address and then drive there and expose to her BH?

No I could not afford that. Already I don't know how i will pay the mortgage on our house without WS giving me money, and since I make more then him its likely that I would have to give him money. Such a messed up system.

I do believe that 2 of the phone numbers I have could be a landline and cell for him. I have called and both ring and go to message, but I think eventually maybe he will pick up if I keep calling?

With the email exchanges I have had I do believe that maybe the first 3 were him, the last one was written differently and it was after that one that OW threatened me with a RO. My feeling is that it was him for the first ones and she saw it and wrote to me asking what my situation. There has been no response to my last email where I wrote that I have filed for divorce.

When you do call the numbers, are you blocking your number?

I'm calling from my work phone line. The ID that shows up is not my direct line and it is not a number that can be called back.

I tested it by blocking the number that shows up on the ID and tried calling my cell from my work line and it went straight to voicemail like a blocked call. That isn't what happens when I call the numbers; it rings a bit and then goes to voice mail.

So it sounds like he has blocked calls that show up blocked. Maybe you should try calling from a different number that isn't yours or your work numbers? I'm sure his wife knows your work number?

she wouldn't know my work number, whenever I call from my work line it doesn't show my actual number, it shows a fake number that can't be called back. I will try calling from another number.

I downloaded an app that can change your caller ID number. I made my caller ID number a phone number I got from the background check of OWBH that is listed as a landline and called the number that is listed in the background check as a cell. A woman answered and said hello and I could hear a child in the background. I didn't know what to do so I just hung up. I want to call the landline number also from this app, but feel like I should not do it now otherwise it will be suspicious.

I'm guessing it could be OW who picked up the number listed as OWBH cell? Or it could just be a totally wrong number, but I know that one of the other cell numbers listed in the background check belongs to OW, so it was right about that much.

Also, my scary WH blocked a ton of numbers in my phone which I went back and unblocked and matched them up to the background check. I think he used the same background check that I did and blocked all the numbers in my phone that were listed from OWBH and OW sibilings.

Anything else I can do or try short of hiring a PI (which I cannot do financially)?

Your WH's actions and the lengths to which OW is going to stop you from exposing to her BH tells me that this exposure is extremely important.

I would do whatever it takes (take loan/credit card out, borrow money from a friend or family member, sell something in your house, etc) to hire a PI and find out everything you can about this man so that you can track him down and expose to him.

WH put the numbers in there before I discovered the A, I'm sure to prevent them from contacting me. I sent facebook messages to OW sibilings and a friend on facebook and she threatened me with an RO after that, so they must have gotten the message and told her. So I know that at least OW sibilings know. But yes, not sure about BH. I know at least 1 of the emails was not the person who was writing before; the language was different and it was in the middle of the night when all the other emails had been in the mid afternoon. I know OW is up late chatting with my WH so I figure that one was her.

I'm nervous about this whole adoption thing. The way my WH has painted it is tht everyone on OW side knows about the A but are not exposing it because it would impact their adoption, which doesnt make sense to me, but if that is the case and I expose and it effects the adoption they all will be livid. Not that I think the poor child should be brought into that situation.

You need to step it up and get this done. This has gone undone for a long time and you have had plenty of time to figure it out.

Why in the world would you be nervous WHEN THEY ARE NOT? If this was an issue to her, she wouldn't be taking the risk. So obviously it is not an issue. It was a pack of lies heaped on you to trick you into keeping their affair secret.

You need to stop it now and stop listening to stupid, insane excuses that were served up to trick you into protecting their affair.

I also don't understand why (a) you would be nervous and (b) you would believe a word of this nonsense anyway.

Get this thing done, amac. ASAP.

What exactly? Get a PI to get accurate numbers so I can call? Go have an enveloped Delivered to his house with the emails? What exactly should I do?