So change my wording? I will try be more cautious of that.
I know I struggle with independent behavior and honesty.
Most times playing tennis is my escape so I just leave to play and then I am dishonest when I can't tell her that I was playing tennis. Fear of the wrath.

So when my spouse just vents, do I say anything? Most times I try not to. I just think to myself and say be positive, be positive and let her vent. Then when she is done she asks 'Do you have anything to say'? I say something stupid to empathize and say 'that's messed up ' about the situation but try to show the other side.

There was an incident last week where her 12 year old neice came over the house and was playing around with all the kids and my wife said to her "(her name) I will slap you". I looked at her in shock and was like what the heck. My nieces have told their mother that they hate aunite because of the way my wife treats them.

Short answer, yes - partially. Silence feels like ignoring to many people. Ignoring triggers anger in a lot of people. Your wife sounds like one of those.

Both my husband and I can be a bit hypersensitive on this whole situation as well.

When I'm venting, I'm learning to be clear that this is just a vent. No advice, please. When my husband vents, he's not so clear, but I've learned to add to the conversation simple, 'Really? That sounds tough (or annoying, or funny, whatever fits)'. If it's a vent, he'll acknowledge he heard me, but keep talking. If he's wanting advice, he'll stop at that point and ask me, 'What do you think, really?'

I've learned to do this because if I just sit and listen, he thinks I'm ignoring him, something that sends his emotions to the stratosphere. I keep it generic while still making it clear that I have been listening.

When he's the one listening, and he does this for me, it helps me stay calm, know that I'm heard and put the subject to rest. If I DO want his advice and ask for it, he's happy to step in and attempt to 'fix' my 'problem'. Now, though, he does wait until I ask. This is helping both of us reduce the DJ's and AO's.

It frankly makes conversation between hubby and me far more enjoyable for both of us!

About the situation with your nieces, wow - I wish I could help on that one. That sounds horrible!

Please understand that nothing you do or don't do causes her anger though. She controls how she behaves.

Also there is a difference between venting and AO. For instance, I will tell my husband I had a frustrating day with one of the kids, and what took place, but not raise my voice, use foul language, stomp around, etc. In other words, I have a conversation with him about my day. What you describe sounds like your wife is 'venting' through AO's and this is not acceptable.

My spouse never curses during her venting or loud moments but definitely raises the blood pressure for everyone around.

There was an incident last year where she was getting loud, criticizing, etc. in front of me and my son...and I was like let me go ahead and match her tone for tone to see if she like's it. I wasn't angry but wanted to show the same thing she was doing..so I got serious, raised my voice to match her tone and talked back and said do you like the way I talking to you?..The response was frightening. I honestly thought I was going to get slapped. She was like get away from me before I do something..thought I seen some she hulk coming out of her.

I am just thoroughly confused because I stay quiet I listen and not say anything she's still angry..If I say something positive and say we'll take care of it's an issue.

I really want these walls of mine to come down..I am tired.

Thank you for listening and your feedback.

There is nothing to be confused about because again, YOUR ACTIONS do not have anything to do with her AOs. She has anger issues and needs to go through anger management to eliminate her outbursts and to find a way to deal with her emotions. We have regular posters here who have done just that.

You can't nice her into better behavior.

Is your W aware of MB? Would she listen to the radio clips in here?
Anger Management 101

I will encourage to her listen. I pray that heart will be soft enough to receive it.
She has a very difficult time receiving instruction of matters of the heart. Hey head knowledge is phenomenal but heart matters she doesn't recieve as well

Honestly everyone in her immediate circle fear her.

Does she know about Dr. Harley and MB?

Yes- she has one of his books. I have mentioned the website in conversations on the past.