I would reach out to her parents tonight and do a mass exposure on her facebook page. I don't think very many ppl do know or they have been told a spun version. You can bring mega pressure on her affair by exposing it.

yes thats what i did a month ago

WHAT was your letter? To how many people? What was the outcome?

And you have spoken to her parents tonight?

I facebooked message 10 ppl in June saying my name, that OW was having an affair with my H and it started when i was pregnant and was ongoing. That I have 2 small children and know she does to so please convince her to do the right thing and stop the affair and let me work on my marriage and for her to work on hers. She has her friends blocked so i could only message pppl who showed up in her posts.

I spent hours tonight talking to OW mother and OW brother. They are really good people. All the family knows of the affair according to them, they are not protecting OW. Most have stopped speaking to her because of it. They are all devasted as our families are. OW told them it wasn't physical but i told them it was and that OW even told me it was. OW AND OWH have separated now. OW Mother told OWH not to give her money and to make sure she takes the kids half the time. I feel better talking to them because OW mother says OW does love her husband and so do they so all the bs my WH has been feeding everyone about them only staying together for the adoption is not true. I can only hope that now that both of them are not getting their cake and eating it to that it can speed the death of it.

I have to confess I called WH. I told him that they told me all these horrible things about him but that I did not believe he was that person, told him i had taken our kids to church which shocked him, and yes tried to reason with him to no avail. I don't feel bad about the conversation though. OW texted her mother saying she was having a nervous breakdown because WH told her I had talked to all the family. I think talking to WH softened his perspective but she will be super pissed and I think that will cause tension with them.

I guess you prefer Plan C which is most likely to lead to divorce. Honestly I don't know what else to say to you about not contacting your WH and that trying to talk sense to him is not helpful.

Sigh.

Link:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2054223&page=8

That was my last shot. I give up.

So what were you saying about "exposure is not working?"

Melody I am a new user how do I post my story or can i PM you directly please?? it wont allow me to private message you?

KDK. I'm not Melody, but to start a new topic, go into forum that you want to post to but not open a topic, on the upper left there is a tab that says new topic.

I know. I understand I appear to be a lost cause.

This is what I'm grappling with in Plan B. I understand the aspect of it of protecting myself, and that benefit of no contact I can see for sure. However, it is hard for me to understand that absolutely no contact will help save my marriage. It just feels like I'm making it way too easy for them that way. OW is an extremely jealous person. My WH has said that and her brother even mentioned it yesterday. I know what she has access to his email and facebook to make sure we aren't in contact. If I'm total blackout that jealousy will not be fueled. None of my contact has been regular or consistent. I have not seen him in 2 months. I have had 2 phone conversations and sent 1 email during that time.

Also, another thing I'm having a hard time understanding is that we expose because we want as many people who have influence to use it on the WS right? So we are thinking that there are people that can talk them out of the fog?

I felt I had to contact him yesterday mostly because I wanted him to know I had talked to OW family. I do not believe they would have told OW I was in contact because the mom got mad when OW knew that we were talking.

Me too!!! I never knew it would save a marriage!

The issue is that you are allowing your emotions to overcome your logic. That is understandable, but it is very hard to help someone when they are too emotional to follow a plan.


I think that is so smart! How many marriages have you saved with this clever strategy? Shall we compare to Dr Harley's record?

Anyway, if you are going to follow PlanAmac and not Plan A, there is no need for us to waste our time here. I am a volunteer who has a full time career and a marriage and I don't have very much free time. Certainly not time to watch someone self destruct because she cant follow a plan.

That worked so well for you in the past! I say, go get em, tiger!

At 2am I got a text from OWH phone # with the same language of OW prior "cease and desist" email to me threatening a restraining order. Obviously OW using OWH phone. I texted back a cute picture of WH and me saying I would fight for my family.

WH told my IM this morning to no longer contact him at work and only talk through my lawyer. He told me in our phone conversation yesterday that his office advised him not to talk to me because of the pending divorce. But of course he tried to convince me on the phone last night that we should be having conversations about our feelings and the last thing he said to me was we'll talk again.

So I guess from the exposure they are both pissed. OW is obviously extremely mad about me contacting her H. I think it is part of her jealous streak. OW mother said that she was a mediator for them when they decided to separate Sunday night and OW demanded that he not date anyone - what a joke. OWH knows everything that I do so I dont know what they are worried about me spilling to him.

Ok Ok I get it. I want you guys to tell me I'm wrong so I dont do it again, but I need to understand it.

The issue is not your understanding, the issue is you going off half cocked with your own emotional reactions. An emotional reaction is not a plan and it will lead to disaster.

No, it's because you exposed her lies about her affair. She has been lying to people about it.

The more PISSED they are, the harder you hit the affair. if they weren't concerned about people knowing about their affair, they wouldn't care. They would have no reason to care.

You are missing the point of Plan B amac. Dr Harley recommends Plan B to women after 3 weeks, because continued contact with a bunch of wayward bull crap will cause *emotional and physical damage* to women after that. Plan B is to protect YOU from the drama. Is that what you want or do you love the drama so much you can't seem to let it go?

Do you not understand that trying to "reason" with a wayward is just a fancy way to say that you are DJ'ing and nagging him?

All you are doing is love busting him when you are trying to make him to do what you want him to do.

Have you read up on DJ's? (this is a serious question)