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Joined: Oct 2007
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She was married and we met thru mutual friends, she had only been married for a little over a year and it was well known she was not happy. Her husband had 3 kids with his ex and the ex supposedly made life hell for her. This is the story I got from the mutual friends so I didnt think anything of it. This is wayward thinking on your part, that it's OK to date a married person so long as they are "unhappy" or whatever other excuse a person uses to cheat while married. Do you realize that?
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
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She was married and we met thru mutual friends, she had only been married for a little over a year and it was well known she was not happy. Her husband had 3 kids with his ex and the ex supposedly made life hell for her. This is the story I got from the mutual friends so I didnt think anything of it. This is wayward thinking on your part, that it's OK to date a married person so long as they are "unhappy" or whatever other excuse a person uses to cheat while married. Do you realize that? Yes, in just one year she was so unhappy *with the ex wife* that she decided it was a good idea to have an affair *on her husband.* Sounds totally rational 
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 12
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 12 |
She was married and we met thru mutual friends, she had only been married for a little over a year and it was well known she was not happy. Her husband had 3 kids with his ex and the ex supposedly made life hell for her. This is the story I got from the mutual friends so I didnt think anything of it. This is wayward thinking on your part, that it's OK to date a married person so long as they are "unhappy" or whatever other excuse a person uses to cheat while married. Do you realize that? I do realize and understand that now
KDK
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 12
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 12 |
She was married and we met thru mutual friends, she had only been married for a little over a year and it was well known she was not happy. Her husband had 3 kids with his ex and the ex supposedly made life hell for her. This is the story I got from the mutual friends so I didnt think anything of it. This is wayward thinking on your part, that it's OK to date a married person so long as they are "unhappy" or whatever other excuse a person uses to cheat while married. Do you realize that? Yes, in just one year she was so unhappy *with the ex wife* that she decided it was a good idea to have an affair *on her husband.* Sounds totally rational I totally agree, now.
KDK
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
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I am very sorry that you find yourself in this situation, especially as there are children involved. You may want to contact Dr. Harley via the radio show to get advice from him directly and free. This will give you the best possible opportunity.
If she is bothered by the children, you may be able to get them in case of divorce, but if she is not getting anyhing from you financially in case of a divorce, she may rediscover her love for them as they become leverage.
She is probably telling others the same things about you that she told you about the ex-husband and her friends are a bunch of enablers. Maybe you can compare notes with the ex-husbands to gain useful information.
Even if her behaviour is very selfish, you cannot be sure she is doing this on purpose. Many times, subconcious mechanisms of novelty seeking and of temperament come into play and some people have a very low threshold for justifying this kind of behaviour in themselves. So even if the pattern is obvious to us, she may feel "it just happened".
Please take the high road here and in case you do divorce her, do not start a new relationship while still married on paper. You can try to teach your children you stand for your marriage, even if you made a grave mistake when meeting her. They are still young, but are old enough to understand that if you are married you don't kiss other people. They will be appreciative later in life.
me, DH
all the children
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Have you exposed to your children?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 12
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 12 |
Have you exposed to your children? I have not exposed to any of the 5 children. They are 18,16,10,5 and 4. The 2 youngest are ours together. I think she may have the 2 oldest brain washed and I Really don't know how to tell the young kids. Do you feel I should expose to the older ones even tho she is in there head? And how do you tell a 4, 6 and 10 year old?
KDK
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Have you exposed to your children? I have not exposed to any of the 5 children. They are 18,16,10,5 and 4. The 2 youngest are ours together. I think she may have the 2 oldest brain washed and I Really don't know how to tell the young kids. Do you feel I should expose to the older ones even tho she is in there head? And how do you tell a 4, 6 and 10 year old? Yes, Dr. Harley advises to expose to children as young as 4. Here is an excellent thread to help you expose to children. Exposing to Children
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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