Distressed-

This is a fascinating thread and is really a eye opener for me on Plan A. I happen to agree 100% that a prolonged Plan A by itself will not, in the great majority of cases, bring the WS home. I've noticed that lots of people in the various forums struggle with how long to carry out a Plan A and I agree that the potential negative impacts on the BS are great. In my case, hiring a PI then telling everyone I knew proved successful (I think) in ending the A pretty quick. We're still not together but 1 year later I feel MUCH better about being able to move on.

Bump!

Bump.

bump, a must read!!!

A resilient Bump!

Bump for Mitilde. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bumpster for Eric.

Read-UP, Eric.

A shameless Bump! It's time. ^

Bump

iam plan a and iam already separation. read my post in just found out board: wife is having affair with coworker.

My wife's plan A, 4 years ago was directly responsible for saving our marriage. She handled me with such skill (though she's loathe to admit it) that I embraced the recovery effort with all my heart and soul. It sparked a massive and profound change in me that resulted in me gaining a true understanding of the terms devotion and commitment.

On the other hand, it left her with so many unresolved issues of rage and pain that she's been closed off from me (on some levels) ever since and that has prevented her from fully committing herself to me and our marriage. This time she's the WS and we are separated.

My problem is that I only do a good plan A when I'm slightly drunk. That worked for a week until I got fed up with drinking (I really don't like it much) To much of my pain shows through and though I don't make demands or attacking statements, my expressions do it for me. Clearly I'm going to have to go over the material again.

dewt

Bumpster for the newbies.

Bumped for DeafJeff

Bumped for DeafJeff

Bumped for Jeff, who is not dense.

After seeing some notable posts bumped up, felt this one should join them.

Jo

bump
ark

Bumping for a friend who is unfortunately experiencing infidelity in his marriage.

Jo

I see it, thanks!

"If the infidel at discovery shows no concern for the emotions of the betrayed, no remorse about his behavior, and no willingness to make any effort, the odds of ANY plan working go dramatically down. Resolution will take a very long time, at best. Plan A is of almost no value here past the first couple of months."

Distressed- I agree with you completely. My D-day was 2/1/06. Against MB, I kicked him out that night but not without exposing him to his married buddy & that WH would be staying with them. H was remorseful at discovery. We didn't speak to one another for nearly a week. BUT, h kept contact with the OW during the entire time. When we finally talked, over a week later, I implemented plan A. BUT, found out he continued the A as if nothing changed.

Immediately implemented plan b on 3/19 and sent copy to his family. WS MC told him to take two weeks to find himself and figure out why he had the A by NC with anyone including family & friends. Coincidentally, he had to take a 2 week business trip out of town the next day.

I have to say that during the Plan A, it did become a competition between me and the OP. It made me feel awful about myself so I stopped having PA with him two weeks before plan b. WH & I got into a huge argument over it. He admitted it did stroke his ego, but he still wasn't happy in the end. Maybe there's hope here.

While in plan B, I'm not even sure at this point if I want my WH back! This feeling puts me in control, whereas during plan A, WH was in control. I now have the choice whether or not I want to pick up the phone when he calls or see him. It's a totally different mindset in plan B. It gives you courage you did not have in plan A.

Plan A = BS compromise their dignity, self-worth by focusing to meet their WS EN while depriving their EN. WS are in the driver seat.

Plan B = BS takes control to regain their dignity, self- worth and their lives back.

BS cannot control the WS choice to leave them for OP. BUT BS has control to make the RIGHT choice (not easy when emotions are high) for themselves and their kids. By chance, when the WS see that the BS strength (even if they're hurting like heck) they may finally see the light. But you see, the beauty of that is that it will end up being YOUR choice if you want them back in your life.