Seems we need this bumped as so many on this board are mis-interpreting Plan A.

Jo

Oh lord. After reading a few of the new folks recent posts, seems its time again to bump this thread.

Jo

I see some problems with the postings in THIS thread. This thread isnt a panacea to clean up the confusion.

better to start a new one. By someone who has had a cleanly successful plan A, hopefully.

There are also different outcomes to peoples' "plan A". It would probably be good to have different people post, from each perspective.

(ie: one with "successful plan A only", and one with "successful 'plan A followed by plan B'")

Here is my take on Plan A:

The betrayed spouse is seldom immediately aware that the wayward spouse has engaged in an affair. Maybe the BS discovers it weeks or months down the line. But subtle changes occur in the WS's behavior as he/she withdraws affection for their spouse and focuses attention on the OP. Although the BS may not necessarily be consciously aware of these behavioral changes, they still have a detrimental effect on the marital relationship. One symptom is more frequent arguments between the spouses; often, about seemingly insignificant issues.

The relationship often deteriorates long before the actual affair is discovered, and ironically enough, the WS uses this as an excuse to rationalize the affair.

I also believe, as many others here do, that Plan A seldom brings the WS back to the bargaining table for marriage recovery. But Plan A does give the BS an opportunity to leave the WS with several weeks or months of a relationship with a minimum of LBs and DJs so that the WS's memories of their last times together aren't all about fighting and arguments.

Dr. Harley's Plan A time limit is designed to get the BS out of Plan A before the resentment of not getting their own needs met becomes so great that they lose their love for the WS. Only the BS knows what their limit is, and certainly there is a point beyond which Plan A does nothing but permit fence-sitting by the WS and may even make the BS an object of disrespect for allowing themselves to be subjected to the abuse of the affair.

Bumpster for newbies and the Plan A challenged.

Bumping to thwart any bad advice that may be offered here lately.

Jo

Here's some study material for Arkie's recent "Rules of Plan A" quiz.

Jo

Bumping for some new members who seem to be struggling in understanding Plan A's application.

Jo