Hi Belldandy<P>I have been following your posts for a long time but do not actually post on Marriage Builders because I am now seperated from my H just over a year.<P>My H left me because he said I would not stop making him feel guilty. He continually wanted me to just accept and move on. If I was hurting he did not want to hear about it as he said I was opening old wounds. <P>He threatened me with abandonment all the time until I just told him to go, he was into a new relationship prior to departure unknown to me, although it was as he said just a friendship, the girl up the road. I don't think so.<P>Anyway the point I am making is - it is up to you now, do you want to live with constant threats or do you want to take control. I have never been happier and my R was 28years. There is life after devastation, believe me.<P>FET

I'm speechless.<P>Belld, you'll find a way to read here, even if you don't post. Please know that we'll be writing to you in every message.<P>WAT

belldandy (Melissa)<P>I'm so sad for you right now. Words don't cover it.<P>I hope you are able to contact your friends when you need support.<BR>

{{Melissa}}, My email is scaredinny@hotmail.com<P>I have to say I agree with the person who was brave enough to say that physical abuse is never acceptable or ok. I will be praying for you, and I hope you are ok. I do wish there were a way to send someone over to check on you!! If you ever can please update us on your situation.<P>Hugs to you!!<P>-Michelle<P>

This man sounds like he has serious problems! Blaming you for what he has done, no I don't think so. That pisses me off so bad. He sounds very controlling and I hope to go he reads this and sends me a post back because today im in a rare mood and I don't tolerate men no should I say a BOY controlling a woman and making her say things. He acts like you are his puppet and he moves your mouth while he says it. I wouldn't put up with it. Sorry to sound so hateful but he's the one that had the affair not you and he is still in the fog. He want's you to feel guilty about what he did. Don't. You didn't do a damn thing wrong. I hope that it gets better for you.

You can email me also at Survivorthruitall@excite.com<BR>Again, don't let your husband control you. That is called abuse. If he wants the other woman let her have him so she can see what his true colors! I know that's easier said and done but this man doesn't deserve you.

Dear Melissa:<P>I've been reading your threads since I came to MB in December and have found you to be a strong and courageous woman. You are truly an inspiration.<P>Please don't let your H control you. You have a lot to offer everyone here and no one wants to see you leave.<P>You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, Melissa. My e-mail is Susie7753@yahoo.com.<P><BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by zorweb:<BR><B>I'm going to follow Steve's lead here... <P>my email is zorweb@hotmail.com<P>If there is anyway I can help... please let me know<P>Z</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...<P>Melissa, count me in on this, too, sweetie. Please email me anytime at Maxie1206@aol.com<P>I also am very worried for you--I know all too well what it's like to have a controlling spouse. Just be patient for a bit and let him "calm down", then start reclaiming your life again.<P>NO one should have such power over another person. My heart is with you as well as my concern...<P>Love,<BR>Winny<P>

Melissa,<P>I have also read followed your story, although I seldom post.<P>You are a fine and decent person. I have been very impressed by you - your stength, your courage and your convictions. You have done nothing wrong, but desperately want to save your marriage.<P>Please take a few days to rest and think. What is it that you REALLY want out of life? If you want to be in a caring and commited relationship that is a true partnership - can your H truly meet those needs? Please be honest with yourself. If he can not, then do not fear to be alone. There are many resources out there to help, but you have to take the first step to contact them. If you decide this relationship will never bring you the happiness and fulfillment that you desire, then do not let your fear keep you in it. Please consider yourslef as worthy of much, much more.<P>The affairs are hard enough to deal with. But what concerns me, is this list of actions that seem intended to destroy what is left of your self-esteem.<P>Pray for guidance and help and clarity. We are all here praying and pulling for YOU first, and your marriage second.<P>God give you strength and courage, Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Melissa aka belldandy,<P>I hope you are okay, that your arm is not hurting too bad. <P>Praying for you and your husband. Take care.

Melissa..<BR>Just to show you how wonderful the folks on this site really are, listen to this:<BR>in the few moments it took me to compose my last post to you and then send it to the site, ELEVEN other people did the same thing, and beat me to it! WOW! I think that's pretty wonderful, to know such caring and support is 'out there.'<P>Hugs,<BR>Winnytoo<P>Plese note:<BR>I'm sorry, everyone. Zorweb is right--I didn't realize that's why this site had no chat room. Therefore, I am taking back my offer of a chat room to use for now. It's unfortunate, but that's the way it has to be, I guess. <P>Winny<p>[This message has been edited by Winnytoo (edited June 14, 2001).]

My understanding is that this site does not have a chat room because of the potential of inapproprate relationships forming. There are several people here, myself included, whose WS have developed what seems to be an addiction to picking up women/men in chat. This is a much more volitile form of communication then many people realize. Since he has promissed me to never chat again.. he could no longer come to this website for support if there were a chat room.<P><BR>Look for StillHer's post in this link... <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009548.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009548.html</A> <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I printed out this thread Melissa - and am keeping it safe for you, if you need it at any time. I am thinking about you and hoping and praying that you are OK. If there is any way you can let us know. We are here for you.<P>love Paint

belld--<P>You wrote several inspiring messages to me. Thank you for your help in my time of need. I am thinking and praying for you Melissa.<P>InShockinCal@excite.com<P><BR>--Marsha<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P><I> Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. </I><BR>1 Peter 5:6-7

Melissa, My God, your H sounds exactly like mine. I also thought of giving him [H]'s posts (and it would be safer since H no longer lives with me and I have a restraining order against him), but all your H's words have come out of my H's mouth before. <P>Please find a way to come back here, for yourself mostly but also because I always look for your posts because I relate to your situation so much. Also try Alanon, if you haven't already. <P>If you want to e-mail, I'm at talbot@sierratel.com

I agree with Still Hers, and would like to be added to the list...<P>nbeginning@yahoo.com<P>Melissa or Melissa's H: <P>We care SO MUCH. We just want to make sure Melissa is okay. Please write a short note and let us know. We're sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.

Melissa,<P>Just adding my thoughts and prayers for YOU! <P> <P>------------------<BR><B><I>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX</I></B><P>By Eleanor Roosevelt ~~<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <P><LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<BR></UL>

Melissa,<P>You are a good person.<P>Hold tight to that.<P>Remember that <I>forever</I>.<P>You will survive, and thrive, with him or without him. <P><B>Never, ever forget your Self.</B><P>Bright blessings.<BR>HBC

Bell, <P>Find a way to get back to us please. I'm concerned, and feeling kinda bad myself. I'm sure everyone here is going to say it wasn't my fault. However you shared my words with your husband, and as a result. You are no longer here. So I'm feeling badly about that. I'm not sure why he became that angry. Not sure why he does the things he does. <P>Please let us know your okay Melissa. <BR>My prayers, hugs, and strength with you. Thank you for everything you've done for my wife, and myself. You are apppreciated beyond words.<P>------------------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.

bye<p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 04, 2001).]