Hey bluerodeoboy. Are you still around. How's it going.<P>Just to confuse you more (LOL) here's antoher thread on the subject of confronting the OM. It about an OM confrontation that worked. Thought you might find it interesting.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000871.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000871.html</A> <P>Please let us know how you are doing.<P>Z<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Maineman:<BR>This is exactly the situation my H wound up in with his OW. They all worked together, my H the OW and her H. The affair started six weeks after the OW and her husband started working at the same plant as my H.<P>She got caught by her H and told my H she was thrown out of her house, lost everything for him, so he had to support her now. MY H left us to be with her. <P>They rented a hotel room for a month, while they looked for a home of their own. She went back to her husband in one week but told my H that she was working out stuff for her kids, keeping H appeased so he didn't file for divorce before the house deal was settled (Lose her share I guess) babysitting their young son as her Hubby was working 12 hour shifts. She told My H that her H was aware of the affair continuing and he was okay with this arrangement because their marriage was over.<P>She begged my H to not have any contact with her at work as she stated her supervisor advised a "low profile" for awhile. Her and her husband went out for lunches during the day (almost daily) and she showed up at the hotel room on her way home for a "quickie".<P>Long story short - she was lying to both of them. Her husband thought he was working on the marriage, believed she had ended contact with my H as there was no more contact at work. My H thought she was moving in nay day - she just had to straighten things out, she had to move her money etc (always another excuse).<P>Eventually my H tired of the games she was playing and told her the relationship was over. She went back to her husband and had a house warming party that weekend.<P>I believe that you and the OM should talk just to straighten things out , I believe she is playing both of you (not intentionly maybe out of confusion, guilt) but something has to give here. <P>Call her bluff and talk to the guy. <P>I really wish I would have told my OW husband about all the times she was at my H's place when he thought she was driving home.

I have never confronted my wife's OM, although I'm sure she has told him plenty of lies and totally distorted things to make it seem like we mutually split.<P>If he were three cubicles from me at my work, I would have confronted him long ago. It might not do any good, but it could likely clear up some lies, and present your position.<P>I know this isn't the general rule, but given the circumstances, where she is playing you, and he is three cubicles down, I personally think you should talk to him. Just be calm. Just my opinion.

Hey Blue,<BR>Are you still out there? If you do not repsond I may assume something really bad has happened to you?! Like, do we need to file a missing person's report?<BR>Just curious how you were doing. Hope all is well!<BR>Peace be with you!<BR>HH

I'm two and a half years past D-Day, over three years since my wife's affair began (I think).<P>To this day, and as far into the future as I can tell, I will beat the OM within an inch of his life if we are ever alone together. In an alley, in a company bathroom, wherever, whenever. <P>Bama

BAMA-<P>Have you beat your W to within an inch of her life? She WAS half the A wasn't she?<P>I don't think it is fair to hold just one side liable. It does take 2 to tangle.<P>My H betrayed me-and the OM did confront him. Asked him how it felt to have a beer with him then **** his wife. Fair enough question I suppose....................but the OM never came to me and asked how I felt about spending what I believed was quality time with his wife only to have her ****ing my H.<P>I mean,come on now-where is the fairness in all this?<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."<p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited June 21, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by heartache:<BR><B>BAMA-<P>Have you beat your W to within an inch of her life? She WAS half the A wasn't she?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The OM threatened my boys (13, 11) and used this threat<BR>to further manipulate my wife. <P>Bama<BR>

I have just read your story and I am amazed. I think that you need to explore counseling to understand why you are so<BR>co-dependent and willing to accept all of this humiliation and disrespect from your wife while she continues to date the OM. The fact that she would still go to a wedding with him over your objections is quite sad. Clearly she has not chosen you. What she has chosen is to have a husband who will support her while she continues to have contact and emotional fulfillment from a previous lover. How could she possible respect you knowing that she has the ability to<BR>continually humiliate you and know that you will always be a willing doormat for her. I know this is cruel but ask yourself is your self-esteem so low that you are willing to accept anything no matter how disrespectful it is from her.<BR>You work three cubiles down from the OM and she continues to see him. You do not have a marriage. You have a selfish manipulative cheating wife who has no respect for you or the institution of marriage. There are many wonderful women out in this world and there is no reason for you to accept this sick behavior from your wife. You have a right to have a wonderful future and not be forced to endure this constant humiliation. I wish you luck.