I have to respond...<P>I was falling apart. I needed STL and others compassion, but I also needed WhoDat's kick in the pants.<P>We don't always like what each other has to say and how we say it, but sometimes it does <I>reach</I> us.<P>Yes, I was encouraged by all of your support. But it did not make me do anymore....I was done by the time I posted. Someone asked if I planned it or was it just a trip...It was more like a protracted fall---thank God with a bungee cord attached.<P>PLEASE DO NOT FIGHT ANYMORE. I appreciate and listen to all opinions...part of my weaknesses is that I can see both sides to stories...that's part of the reason I so totally understand what happened between my H and I.<P>You all have been my lifeline. You keep extending me more rope and I will keep crawling up...even WhoDat in his inimitable way gave me some rope....<P>I will update in another post what has been occurring between H and I.<P>Downgraded to a summer storm, Cali

Cali:<P>Thanks for the weather update.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Seen the light, nothing personal, and I don't mean this meanspiritedly...but you are sooooooo funny (in an obsessive sort of way). I am curious, (in a completely irrelevant way to purposes of this board, so just ignore if you wish), but are you a compulsive get the last word in person....... not out of compeition, but just because you "need" to get it juuuuuuuust right? I only ask cause you remind me of me (and something I fight myself all the time with). Won't make you suffer through pages of analysis (as much as I would love to do so), just curious.

SnL:<P>I do believe in humor, so glad that it strikes a chord with you.<P>As for compulsively having to get the last word in ... to be short, no. However, I do have problems with rude manners and rude people. That extends to people who pick on the downtrodden, kick puppies and a lot of other things. When I perceive an injustice done, I would be the first to admit that I do overly pursue it.<P>I am also not shy about expressing how I feel on any given issue (given my background, there are many on which I can speak with authority; conversely there are a whole bunch about which I know little: but I enjoy learning). Notice that I only respond when specifically addressed.<P>Good healthy discourse is good for the spirit and the mind (one of the many good things about this site).<P>Thanks for the understanding and wanting to know.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 28, 2001).]

Hey Gang....<P>I thought this was supposed to be a place of support?<BR>Even if we don't agree with the way something was handled, this thread has turned into a battle of egos and whose right, whose better, whose smarter??<P>I dont think that Cali was looking for anyone to validate her in any of this, nor was she looking for absolution. I think she was simply stating what she had done, in an attempt to update us and it was quite obvious she had lost it, even if momentarily, and vented her anger, frustration, fears and emotions at what she believed at that moment was the cause. <P>If any of us has handled things so perfectly, then why are we here in the first place?? And because one timetable differs from another, does it make that couple, WS, BS, OM, OW any better? Do they learn the lessons so fast that it is only a bandaid and the problem really is never fixed? I am a WS that regrets what I did and works my [censored] off every single day to show my love and support, but I can certainly understand Cali's meltdown and *go for the jugular* attitude at that particular time! Was it right...was it hurtful, was it wrong....NONE of that is for me to say, nor any of us....it was learning experience for her! All we can do is be supportive and give advice if, and when, she asks for it. I don't believe I read anywhere in the discussion forum handbook that this was to be a judgemental place where when someone did something we may disagree with, we are free to chastise. (Or maybe I missed that chapter???)<P>I say, and yes I did support her in her efforts...<BR>*Drastic times call for drastic measures!*....<BR>she handled her situation in the best way she could at the time she did it...she may regret it now...but she will learn from it, and she will rectify it or let it stand...just as we all do....I would say, if you dont agree with something there is a better way to handle it than to attack, judge, and pass sentence, especially with limited information. <P>Now, I will get off my soapbox as it seems there are quite enough of them here. Cali...We do care and we are here for you......unconditionally. We know that what you're going through is the hardest thing you've ever done and your reactions can be extreme! Hang in there....{{HUGGGGGGGGZZZ}}<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

TH:<P>Ditto.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Oh, jeez, now I remember why I stopped coming to MB... .<P>You know guys, if Cali called Steve Harley and told him about her actions, he wouldn't give her a "you go girl!" line. He'd beat her up a bit, have her go back to rereading HNHN, and go back to Plan A. All WhoDat did was give her the same advice, saving her 120 bucks in the process...<P>Those of you bashing WhoDat would be wise to go back and read his posts from the past; there aren't many MBers who are better educated in these principles, or who are more consistent in staying focused on their implementation.<P>Personally, I do consider WhoDat to be my friend,so perhaps I'm not unbiased...<P>AGG<p>[This message has been edited by AGoodGuy (edited June 28, 2001).]

This brings up the same ol' issues I've been wrestling with for the last year or so...<P>Someone comes on, gets a "leave the bum" or something similiar (because, let's face it, that's what the world says) and it's called support.<P><B>WhoDat</B> has been here longer than I have, and I've been here for nearly two years. He's "done the work" and knows his stuff.<P><B>Cali</B>,<P>Best wishes to you and your H. <P>You had every "right" to do what you did, but it sure didn't help... but I suspect you already know that. I have done similiar things in my past. I stalked the 2nd OW in my past-marriage, so I understand.<P>Your H has a lot of anger right now, and he's entitled to it. You blasted him outta the water -- no, not in the same way he did to you, that's true. Nothing can compare to cheating. <P>Though, pain is pain, and he's in it -- just like you -- and deserves to be heard.<P>Take care, both of you.