UPDATE 08/30/01: <P>Went to lunch w/ WS today. She told me that she cancelled a lunch /w her boss so as to not break our date! I told her, "You didn't have to do that! I would have understood if you called and cancelled our lunch." She said, "No. I really wanted to have lunch w/ you. Besides, they were going to order food for inside, and I like to get out of the office for awhile anyways." I told her, "Thanks! I'm really glad you came to lunch w/ me too!" I gave her a kiss on the cheek, and she smiled! <P>I know it sounds like just a little thing, but I'll take any POSITIVE I can get right now! <P>It's funny how something like this can just make your whole day, huh? <P> <P>I know it's just a little thing <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Topie25:<BR><B> (in my situation, our almost 4 yr old son passed away suddenly in his sleep a few months before the brunt of this crap hit the fan).<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Karen: I am truly sorry for the loss of your child! I can't imagine what that must have been like for either of you! I appologize for not saying something sooner to you about this! I know that would have drove me crazy! Not to an A, but maybe suicide! Again, I'm sooo sorry for your loss! <P>God Bless you, and thanks again for your words of encouragement! <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HurtTired:<BR><B> I still have the question about how to let go of my WS, so I can spend more time on me? Is there any tid-bit of info, or a word I can say to myself that will help me concentrate on the right thing to do in order to let go and do my own thing? (Sorry, long sentence!)<P>Thanks in advance!<P>HT </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sorry I didn't get back sooner. The only advice I can give you on this is something I would see NSR write all the time:<P>Patience, Time, and Consistency.<P>That's all you need to go on. Take your time, be patient with yourself. Start by doing little things at a time, then do more once you're ready. Your W will take notice that you're becoming the stronger more independant person she married. But she'll be suspicious if it happens overnight (besides, I don't think anyone could pull that off and stay consistant anyways.. grin).<P>Karen<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Topie25:<BR><B> <BR>Patience, Time, and Consistency.<P>That's all you need to go on. Take your time, be patient with yourself. Start by doing little things at a time, then do more once you're ready. Your W will take notice that you're becoming the stronger more independant person she married. But she'll be suspicious if it happens overnight (besides, I don't think anyone could pull that off and stay consistant anyways.. grin).<P>Karen</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks, Karen! By the way, that's my W's name. Probaly, shouldn't have mentioned that, but thought it was ironic. <P>She told me this weekend, she needed more space. She said I was smothering her. I asked her what she meant by "smothering", and she told me that she didn't like all the affection I have been giving her. (I.E. Hugging, holding her hand, arm around her, kisses, etc.) She said it was just too much! <P>So, for the last 2 days in a row, I have not been doing any of that. I haven't told her that I love her. I have given her the distance she seems to want, and haven't even kissed her "good night"! She seemed to be content w/ this, and this really hurt me. So, I LB'd tonight! I asked her if she was getting enought space? She said, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well, no kiss or hug from you last night. No "thank you" for the back rub I gave you last night. No affection given to you at all today, and you seem to be happy w/ that. Am I giving you enough space?" <P>As you can imagine, she got pissed! She said, "What do you want from me?!!" I didn't tell you NOT to sit w/ me. or hug me, or kiss, me, or anything! You just chose Not to do it! And, that suits me fine!" I said, "Sorry. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn't smothering you, and obviously, this is waht you want. So, I'll just continue to leave you alone!" (BIG LB!) <P>Well, tomorrow's another day. Any suggestions?? <P>Thanks!<P>HT <P> <P>