Just more of the same.<P>Had to talk with W this morning about final preps for <son's> first day of school tomorrow. I mean he's not just starting first grade, he's going into 8th, but it's still a big deal to us and it requires some coordination.<P>Because he goes to a private school, we have to have uniform clothes, etc., and specific school supplies.<P>Anyway, she says we need to do this and we need to do that to make things easier and consistent, blah, blah, blah. We need to both be aware of important things on his calendar and please communicate regularly on this so we can make sure we don't get crossed up and maybe he needs two sets of clothes so he always has some no matter who he spends the night with and depending on what homework is due when (I'm math and science and she's writing and literature) and we may need to rearrange his schedule with which one of us he's with depending on what's going on and on and on and on and on.<P>EASIER??? CONSISTENT??? REARRANGE???<P>Woman, what orbit is your brain in today???<P>Why can't you see beyond your immediate needs???<P>Why can't she see how much easier things could be if she'd just look at the mess she created? Again, it's like fixing the REAL problem is NOT an option.<P>You want it easier??? More consistent??? Just look into this mirror I'm holding up. What's the real solution to this huge mess?<P>Instead of "this situation is a huge mess." It's "this huge mess is a situation."<P>For poetic justice maybe I'll make a sign to place at the entrance to my son's room: This mess is a place.<P>Thanks for listening.<P>WAT

yes, we're listening, wat.... anytime... glad you are still around and hanging in there. youa re a real trooper. <P> no advice - just letting you know I'm listening.

Hugs to you WAT...<P>Cali

Hi WAT. I hear you friend why do they make it seem so trivial. They have solutions for everything but the real issues. I hope all goes well for your son on his first day back to school. My kids go back tomorrow to. We are just getting ready to run out and pick up some notebooks and last minute school supplies. Hang in there WAT you are truly an amazing man your W has no idea how lucky she is.<BR>cybil

Dave,<P>Follow along and agree with all school prep, as long as it's in your son's best interest, which I know you are doing and would be doing with or without your wife's solicitations. <P>Your wife doesn't see herself in your mirror, she isn't taking the time to look at herself at all, she is simply doing what "FEELS" good for her. As long as those good feelings are happening she won't take the time to do any REAL self examination.<P>BUT .. once those feelings start to dwindle, which they will because one day soon there will be an everyday mundane life again, she will be forced to look at herself and see that she is the cause of her own unhappiness, not you, not the marriage ... it's in her. Then her life will be full of mirrors. And there in is the rub.<P>Keep coming here to vent and stay in your "for son's sake" *modified* Plan B.<P>Love,<BR>Jo

Thanks, Ladies, that's just what I need.<P>For my 'distraction" today, I'll be cooking steaks on the "barbie" for Taz and her two Aussie friendds who are visiting. What a hoot!<P>G'day,<BR>Dave

yum! throw an extra steak on for me! lol<P>have fun in the "outback" - wat-style!

Dave,<P>I'm with you 100%. This is what baffles me the most now, and probably occupies most of my thoughts regarding this mess, is how they just ignore the bigger emotional impact on our kids, and rant about "we've got to do this, and we've got to do that", so the kids aren't affected. HELLO...aren't affected? Too late for that.<P>But somehow that aspect of it is just a given, that it must exist, and we just have to deal with the rest. Like putting bandaids on a massive cut.<P>My wife used to say "for every study that says divorce affects children, I can find one that says it doesn't"<P>OR<P>For every book I can find that would support a chance or rebuilding our marriage, she can find one that says forget it.<P>Not much to be done with an attitude like that.<P>Enjoy the BBQ. I'm roasting a chicken with stuffing, which I had never made before.

Rick,<P>I just have to comment regarding your wife's statement that Divorce does not affect the children. That is ludicrious, how can she make a statement like that and think she sounds intelligent and believable. Who is she trying to fool ... herself???<P>I'm sorry Rick, I don't mean to diss your wife, but she is out there.<P>I don't know how you listen to that kind of talk and not go bonkers. Just amazing to me.<P>You have my utmost respect, Rick. You've held it together and shown what a wonderful father and husband you are. If your wife doesn't wake up soon, she may lose a real treasure.<P>The same goes for WAT.<P>Best,<BR>Jo<P>

OK, Jo, if you won't diss Rick's W, I will, right after I'm done with mine. <P>Ya know, Rick, after browsing Jo's recipes here lately (and staying hungry in the process), maybe we should offer a few of our own, since you'll soon be an expert on stuffed chicken.<P>I'll go first:<P>Dave's steaks on the barbie:<P>Go to Costco and browse the tool aisle to see if they have any new socket wrenches in or other cool stuff.<P>After picking up a gallon size jar of olives, check out what good steaks they have. Pick out some good quality cuts that usually come in packages of at least a half dozen. (Canadian conversion to "dozen": double it and add 32 so a Canadian half dozen is 44).<P>When you get home, take out as many steaks as you have Aussie girls to feed and freeze the rest.<P>Here's the real important part: Pierce the steaks and marinate with Lawry's Sesame Ginger Marinade. Put them on a plate and slide them in the frig, at the same time getting one of those Sammy's out that were on sale at the beer store.<P>Load the boom box with Jimmy Buffett and Bob Marley and take out on the deck. Crank it up.<P>Play horse shoes for about a half hour.<P>Fire up the barbie and ask the Shelias to make a salad.<P>On the hot barbie, cook the steaks turning every 5 minutes until done to order. You have to cheat and cut one open to see if it's been long enough.<P>Enjoy with a fresh Sammy. Don't forget the olives.<P>WAT

Okay,<P>Dropped in here real quick on the way out the door.<P>WAT & Rick,<P>If you want a really tender steak, preferrably Filet Mignon, marinate it in vinegar overnight.<P>THAT'S Right! V I N E G A R!<P>You have never ever tasted such a supremely tender steak unless it's been marinated in vinegar. <P>Okay, I've shared a very TOP secret tenderizing method. YOU ARE WELCOME! <P>Love,<BR>Jo

Dave,<P>So how was your cookout for the Auzzie's?<P>Have to say, can't believe I think your W had a good idea, but I think your son keeping clothes at both places is a good idea. I have ask the STBX to get clothes for YS to keep at his home, as I don't know what they will be doing & trying to send clothes that would fit any occasion is a pain.<P>JO, I like your ideas.<P>Rick,<P>think I agree with everything you said.<P>Ya'll have a nice rest of the day I have to study, my sons think that is so funny.

Oh my! Oh my! She's living in total darkness. I'd give her a package of those stick up lights so she might get just a tiny bit of vision.I'm beginning to think you need to hire a deprogrammer to kidnap her and snap her out of it. Seriously. <P>About son and all the "rearranging" and keeping stuff in both places. I don't know how mature your son is Dave, but I would not let all of her "fussing" and "drama" be a part of your life. Is it possible that you both can just discuss with son what he thinks HIS needs are and how HE'D like to handle the school year?<P>

Hi sing - yea, I know it's practical to have clothes in both places. But think about it - doesn't this illustrate my frustration? This woman can be very practical oriented yet she can't see the forest for the trees. If only she could remember how she used to denigrate OM and his immaturity and plan for <son's> healthy environment.<P>Mother - yea, thought of trying to find some former Moonies, but thought that maybe John Applewhite would be the best, since he was chasing spacecraft, but then I remembered he is dead. Any volunteers in the de-programming business?<P>OK, Jo, let me get this straight. I should buy the tenderest cut of beef and then marinate it in VINEGAR to get a tender cut of beef? Hmmm, OK, I'll try it - I really will - if you agree to try WAT's cold cure: That's correct, guaranteed to cure the common cold. Just drink 2 teaspoons of my mix of used Lawry's steak marinade and stale Sammy and I GUARANTEE that in a week to 10 days your cold will be GONE.<P>WAT

Dave,<P>so how was the steak?<P>I know what you mean but sometimes you just have to go with what is easist on you & son.<P>My YS would happily wear the same everything for days on end, now OS wouldn't leave his clothes at his dad's for anything, but OS looks as if he just walked out of an AF ad. Also OS doesn't go to dad's very much, plus he can pack his own stuff.<P>When you find that deprogramer let me know, I would love for the STBX to wake up one day & relaize what all he has lost but you know I don't think it is going to happen.<P>Now I am really going back to studying, 2 of my classes require heavy internet use, so I am not delaying very much.

Dave,<P>If you are going to have Bob Marley over for dinner then you must have jerk sauce with the steak!

cleo, sing - the steaks were terrific and yes, I need to try them with jerk sauce - right after I try Jo's vinegar marinade.<P>Mother - total darkness is correct. It's mandatory for the aggressively delusional.<P>Dave

Okay - couldn't resist chiming in here. Of course, here in Alberta, we have superior beef products and our fave for the BBQ is Costco Rib Eye steak. Yum.<P>However, if you want a cheaper grade here's an absolutely awesome marinade for flank steak:<P>1/4 c. soy sauce<BR>1 tsp garlic powder or fresh garlic (I use fresh)<BR>1 tsp ginger (again, I always use fresh grated ginger)<BR>2 Tbsp sugar<BR>1/4 c. wine or vodka<P>Marinate for 3-4 hours or LONGER, I think 6hrs is good. (But not overnight, makes it too strong)<P>It is YUMMY!

Alberta - thanks, sounds good. One question: 1/4 cup wine OR vodka? Wow, isn't that a big OR? Seems it would be two completely different results? Also, what goes in the boombox?<P>Dave

OK - fess up time - I'm a disaster where steak cooking is concerned, I can cook anything except steaks So thanks for the tips....<P>WAT - Oh yes, my WH doesn't believe this has affected the kids at all (then in the same sentence he says we should get counselling for our eldest daughter because she's having some bad anger-management problems at the moment....) He may be home in body, but his brain is only half here <P>Hugs, Paint.