Hi All,<P> First let me thank ALL who responded to my other thread. It means the world to me.<P> Now, on to what happened. Upon confronting W about this new cell phone number I(or rather my children)found, crap has hit the fan. Yes, I am affraid I love busted big time. When she denied not only that number but also other ones I am aware of, I lost control. Right down to putting my fist through our bedroom door.<P> It was a huge scene that has been building for 6 months. I told W to get whatever she wanted and leave. Told her not to come back until she is ready to save our marriage. Told her how much I love her and want us to heal. But NO LONGER AT ALL COSTS. She has to work for the marriages survival too.<P> She told me before she left that when she walked out our door she would not be back, EVER. Perhaps I should have felt something at this point and maybe it will hit me tomorrow. But, I have had enough. If I am to get past the hurt then it is time for me to get on with it.<P> Strange that I felt nothing but pity for her, don't you think? <P> Now I know some here will flame me for doing this. That's ok. I understand what you are saying. I'll likely regret the heck out of what I did and said. I'll just have to get over that as well. <P> Believe me when I tell you ALL that nobody wants my marriage to work more than I do. Told my wife that again as well. I just refuse to save it all by myself any longer. I deserve better, and will either have it from W or eventually have it from someone else(which I am not, nor ever have been looking for). <P> I will probably come back here in the next days crying my eyes out. I hope you guys will still help me out when you can.<P> jd<P>

jdmac1 - I understand and hope this is a wake up call for your wife and she realizes what she is doing is distructive and killing your marriage...my heart aches for you...stay in touch and "YES" if you come back crying and regreting what happened tonight...we will be here to support you! My prayers are with you my friend....God's Blessings.....<P>------------------<BR>always-faith4us

jdmac:<P>W said the word "never"...we all know never say never.<BR>I'm not going to blast you..we all have our breaking points and I am proud to say that when I LB big time it's better than running to the OW/OM to release my stress.<P>I hope she is able to see the love you have for her & start to MB asap

JD I wouldn't worry too much about it, she knows you were provoked. I'd follow up with a few routine threats to OM, inform his wife if applicable, tell your wife you lost your temper, but you are only human, go to plan a/b, and await developments. The thing is you can't drive a ws away by fighting for em, only by abusing em. If she stays away, she was gonna dump you anyways. Same principles apply, change yourself, showcase with plan a, but set and keep boundaries, and what will be will be......nobody dies from this stuff, and every cloud has a silver lining, yourse does too, one way or another.

just thinking of you

jd,<P>Sometimes you just can't "turn the other cheek" if you know what I mean. I think you did what you though was right. I think if your always nice and never LB your spouce may see that as a weekness and may play on it. To stand up and show her your not going to take it anymore is just a good wake up call, IMO. When or if she realizes how much she misses and loves you, she won't remember the fight as much she'll remember the months you've been plan Aing. So IMO, don't sweat the LBing you did. <P>So, do you have a plan if she calls you tomorow wanting to come back? Are you planning to plan B for a while?<P>KS and I will be praying for you.E

Hi All,<P> faith4us,<P> Thank you very much. For my wife to wake up and decide to work on the marriage is all I want for in this world. Believe me I want nothing else.<P> Louser,<P> Well, normally it is true, 'never say never' but it sure is hard to see that sometimes. I will never say never <BR>Seriously, it is my prayer that my W sees this for what it is and if there is anything left in her for our marriage she realizes that this is it. We either work together to repair the damage or we go on to end it. <P> SNL,<P> As for the threats, I tried but the [censored] wouldn't pick up the phone. And, there is NO WAY I can put myself in the position of a face to face. Someone would end up hurt real bad. I did leave him a message. Which I am hoping he will make something of. <P> Besides, if the information is taken at face value there may be more than one OM. There is at least more than one cell number.<P> I do not think it is an accurate statement that nobody dies from this stuff. I had already told of the people down the street. WS payed OM to kill BS. Luckily the idiot used a small caliber weapon and BS lived. <P> Thanks for the encouragement SNL. You really do make a lot of sense some of the time <P> Sing,<P> Thanks. It is truly a blessed feeling to know someone is thinking of me.

SEM,<P> Hi Bud. I wondered if you would post. After all the talk I gave you and KS. Look what I went and did. Not exactly taking my own advice huh? <P> I won't say if this is the best way to deal with my situation. I only know that I felt I had to do something, anything at this point. My marriage has to heal or I have to heal without it. That much I do know.<P> I still believe everything I told you and KS. The difference between my situation and the two of you is that my WS did not want to try helping in the fight to save the marriage. As long as you and KS both work to save your M, you have a great chance at making it. <P> As for your other question about what if she calls would I take her back. I think I would in a heartbeat. It would be a huge chance on my part, but one I am willing to take if she commits to REALLY try.<P> Thanks man. Just hearing from you has helped my spirit greatly. For some reason I seem to have sort of attached a part of myself to you two....hmmm.<P> jd

Ok, the smily wasn't enough I have to respond. <P>Our feelings are mutual, W and I have both been looking for you, to see how things are going. I'm sorry your trip away didn't help, hopefull these recent events will be what brings her back. Did you get our e-mail? E-mail us any time, I seem to have plenty of time on my hands since I don't sleep anymore.<P>I sometimes feel bad that you all know how W and I get along so well, I don't want everyone looking at us thinking why can't I have that. I guess I just need to be greatfull for what I have and not look at what I had.<P>I just see you for instance and your situation, and I actually feel bad that my situation doesn't compare. I just wish you (and everyone else here) that they could have it easier, as I do. Kind of like how you hear people who are in a fatal accident, and they live, but feel guilty because they lived. Ok, anyone make any sense out of what I just said.

ok ok except for the occassional lunatic (but that can happen just going down for a big mac at the wrong time, not to mention road rage), no one dies, this is ordinary stuff, it is what humans do...I meant more like die from emotional whatever. Life goes on, and plenty of fish in the sea, all that stuff. Good Luck, next time kick the door, hands are too vulnerable, or better yet, throw something (just not at her). I am a thrower myself, feels sooooo good, just let er fly. Preferably something that will smash into a million pieces, I threw a ketchup bottle once, was so cool, looked like the texas chainsaw massacre.

SEM,<P> Yes I know exactly what you mean. I too felt really bad at times because my W never left. From d-day until today, she never left. At least not bodily. She was just never here emotionally. <P> But I would read posts from others whose WS pretty much moved out on d-day or shortly thereafter. It gave me the same thoughts as you, for awhile. I felt bad that I had it so good when others had it so bad. But you know what? No one here ever held it against me And we don't you either. <P> Your situation is what most BSes are fighting for. Just the chance to renew something dear to our hearts. It may, or it may not work out. But how will any of us know if the WS does not want to even try? I can pretty much assure you and others in recovery that we are VERY happy that you get the chance to find and repair what was broken. We thank God that a broken marriage gets the chance to heal. All we want is a fair chance.<P> jd<P> ps. yes, I did get your email. Will email you again when I get the chance.<P> <P>

jd,<BR>Hey I just got home from work. I heard about your situation and it sounds terrible. If I was in your shoes I probably would have done the same thing. Your W probably needs a wake up call. Like plan B or just threaten her with it. Tell her she needs to make up her mind cause she can't have her cake and eat it too. <BR>Stay strong cause I know you can. Maybe cry in front of her so she knows how much pain you're really in. I know I hate to see my H hurt. She'll be back. Just be patient.<BR>I will pray for you. Sherry<P><BR>SnL,<BR>Talk about throwing, SEM threw a plate of buleberry pie, it hit the oven, and ended up on the walls and all over the counter tops.I would not dare clean up HIS mess. <BR>There was another time when I get mad and had a bowl of flour in front of me. I hit my fists into the bowl and flour flew every where. I'm talking about the walls the ceiling and me. What a mess. <P><BR>

SNL,<P> I'll give it to ya snl, you make me smile when I don't really want to. Yes, and the ones who can't remove themselves from the depression and try to end their own lives. I would not say they are lunatics, just too lost to get the help they need. Ok, so I am sort of playing with you. I know what you mean. Assuming they survive the lunatic WS and assuming they don't go off the deep end, the emotions themselves won't kill a person. I did get that. <P> Oh you would not, could not believe how good it felt to smash my fist through that door. It was a hollow core door so my hand went all the way through. I did get some cuts but it felt sooo good to hit that door. <P> Course now I will have to buy a new door, but that's ok. I did not like that one anyway <P> For those concerned: No, I would not consider myself a violent person. I would never hit my wife. Never, ever came close to that. And I do not make a habit of punching things.<P> jd<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>ok ok except for the occassional lunatic (but that can happen just going down for a big mac at the wrong time, not to mention road rage), no one dies, this is ordinary stuff, it is what humans do...I meant more like die from emotional whatever. Life goes on, and plenty of fish in the sea, all that stuff. Good Luck, next time kick the door, hands are too vulnerable, or better yet, throw something (just not at her). I am a thrower myself, feels sooooo good, just let er fly. Preferably something that will smash into a million pieces, I threw a ketchup bottle once, was so cool, looked like the texas chainsaw massacre.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

jd,<BR>I think you should invest in a punching bag to save on costly home improvments.

KS,<P> Hi. Thanks girl, I appreciate it. I really don't know if I am in Plan B or seperated, or practically divorced. I hope I am in a form of Plan B. Then I might still have a chance of saving this M. This is still my main objective. I simply refuse to allow my W to set atop the fence and play with my emotions any longer. <P> Only time will tell now. But I am going to continue with Plan A in the sense that until I get something solid to work with, she is simply someone I care about, treat with respect, and have no cause to LB. Meaning that I can't bust what isn't there. And if it really isn't there then we are through as a couple. Might as well try to be good friends huh? <P> Thanks for posting.<P> jd

KS,<P> Well this place could use a few improvements Might save some band-aids to <P>

jdmac1...you have just joined Orchid at the top of my prayer list...<P>throwing stuff and hitting stuff and slamming stuff is one of the big changes I have had to make...I once put my hand through a window--(about 11 years ago)--luckily no stitches or real damage...now I work out...or make bread (kneading the dough is very therapeutic!)<P>Take care,<BR>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Thanks Cali,<P> You are a peach girl. It really did feel quite good though. lol. I know that doesn't make it ok I won't do it again, promise.<P> jd

WE have one of those at my house too--a punched in door! My oldest was frustrated with Washington Mutual Bank and came home and took out his frustrations on the closet door in his room... That is definitely a 'man thing'--I think women care too much about the knuckle pain involved in that?! OUCH! <P>Yeah, I would definitely rather throw something, although not as dramatic of an effect as punching something... but I admit, ketchup or berry pie is more dramatic than flour. Hmmm... all good ideas... I could use these tactics to get my twins' attention when they ignore me! (just kidding) <P>But then, how does one go about fixing it? What should I buy and how do I do it when the punched in door at my house is hollow? I mean, exactly how are you going to fix your door, jd???? <P>That is probably the least of your worries at this point, but just curious since I have that on my list of things to fix around the house as well...<P>In the meantime, did you soak your fist in a bowl of ice with some water? That can help if it's bruised... I see you're typing so it must not be too bad...<P>Well, jd, I have to agree that you are the best one to determine when enough is enough (abuse) from your WS. After all, you are the one IN IT and you know your limits and so does God. This incident definitely goes into the LB journal, so keep track of how you guys resolve it because I'm sure you will. Why? Because it's in your heart to resolve things. I know it, you know it, God knows it. He's working it out... smoothing things over, perfectly orchestrating His plan. Keep the faith! Don't let go.<P>I think she is just making threats when she said once she leaves that's it, no coming back. It sounds just like pride talking... I wouldn't be surprised if this was not her little jolt of reality to get her to seriously take inventory of exactly what she stands to lose. She's got a lot to lose here. I'm praying that she will make the best choice for both of you.<P>Now in the meantime, GO FIX YOUR DOOR!!!!!!!!! So then you can tell me how to fix mine!! See ya!