Feeling sad and scared.<P>I know I've been waffling. I have still been in contact with OM. (I never agreed to no contact) But H is re-writing history and saying I promised not to see him anymore.<P>H found out about another meeting. So now he wants me out tonite. He's basically built up an arsonal of information on my A -- and now he has become hateful and vindictive and is going to expose everything to everyone.<P>The situations I am fearing the most are the children. He says if I don't leave tonite, he will tell them everything. And he has threatened to do the same thing at work.<P>I know that he is devasted by everything and he wants to strike back. I don't blame him at all for what he's feeling or doing. He even called OM this morning.<P>This is just really hard to go through. I still had some hope that we would work things out. Now I'm scrambling to find an attorney fast.<P>What if I get home to find my stuff packed? What am I supposed to do?<P>Anyone been in this situation?<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lexxxy:<BR><B>Feeling sad and scared.<P>I know I've been waffling. I have still been in contact with OM. (I never agreed to no contact) But H is re-writing history and saying I promised not to see him anymore.<P>H found out about another meeting. So now he wants me out tonite. He's basically built up an arsonal of information on my A -- and now he has become hateful and vindictive and is going to expose everything to everyone.<P>The situations I am fearing the most are the children. He says if I don't leave tonite, he will tell them everything. And he has threatened to do the same thing at work.<P>I know that he is devasted by everything and he wants to strike back. I don't blame him at all for what he's feeling or doing. He even called OM this morning.<P>This is just really hard to go through. I still had some hope that we would work things out. Now I'm scrambling to find an attorney fast.<P>What if I get home to find my stuff packed? What am I supposed to do?<P>Anyone been in this situation?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Lexxxy,<P>Sorry, no advice. I just hope you stick around here and keep telling your story. <P>who<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lexxxy:<BR><B>Feeling sad and scared.<P>I know I've been waffling. I have still been in contact with OM. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Lexxy,<P>I'm so sorry for this turn of events. I must confess that I haven't agreed with you on many ocassions, but this is still a very hard thing to go through....from ANY vantage point.<P>It is true that you HAVE been waffling. I think maybe it's time for you to really KNOW what you want, and go after it. If it is your OM, then, GO FOR IT. Your H is prepared (mentally and other ways, now apparently). If it is your M, I hope it's not too late to change your H's mind on D.<P>I personally would love to see you work very hard now on recommiting to your M., but that is because that is what *I* want so very badly for myself, and all the BS's on this list. I believe you do not honestly know WHAT you want yet. I hope you find out soon! Your life is headed on a downward spiral that will not be fun, or good at the bottom if wrong choices are made.<P>Good luck to you.<P>Lupo<BR><p>[This message has been edited by lupolady (edited September 17, 2001).]

Lexxxy---<P>I know this is a painful time for you...<P>It is very odd, as a BS, to read this...it is like seeing what occurs when we would start a plan B...<P>You have been waffling...You have continued contact with OM. Yet, you don't want anyone to know and you don't want children to know.<P>Do you want H & Family? or OM and new life? You have to make a decision...and understand that even waffling is a decision...not making a decision is still a decision...<P>I know what decision I would pull for, but none of us are you and we cannot tell you what to do...this is where the pedal meets the metal, so-to-speak, Lexxxy...<P>I just would like you to remember that choosing H & Family does not mean status quo....you don't have to choose different to get a different result...You have to change your actions and reactions to what you have and change will result... <P>Good Luck... I am here for you ....<P>Cali<P><P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Lexxxy:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>This is just really hard to go through. I still had some hope that we would work things out.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, if you had hope, maybe your husband did too? But your behaviors aren't giving him much hope at this point. If you want your marriage, you need to sit down with your husband and agree on "terms". And I would include "no contact", marriage counseling, and moving away from the OM as requisites to a reconciliation.<P>If you're unwilling to do this, then I think you should agree to tell your children together. And if he chooses to tell your workplace---take your lumps there. You're responsible for this mess too.

Lexxy,<P>So you are now worried about your children finding out and the manner in which they learn about your A? Then you need to go ahead and tell them. Or at least let them know your side of the story. How all this happened and why you are confused in what you want for your life. You need to be the one to let them know that you still love them no matter how things turn out with your marriage. You will always be there for them. IMHO, this is what you need to do now, tonight whether your bags are packed or not. YOu also need to have a private talk with your boss and let him know what is going on so there won't be any surprises there. You don't have to go into all the specifics, but you can tell him that there is a crisis in your marriage and has been for however many months this has been, and that you are seeing another man. This is only my thoughts, but at least you would be pro active in this situation instead of waiting for your H to inform them.<P>I'm sorry that things are turning out this way when you aren't ready yet. But then your H wasn't ready to go thru all that he has gone thru either.<P>My prayers are with you.<BR>Debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes

Wow. It is weird to hear this from the other side. I think you are feeling the same way my H did when I went to plan B. Not ready, need more time, want to have your cake and eat it too until SOMETHING happens to make you get off the fence and decide either way.<P>Perhaps this is the something you need. Can you talk civilly with your H? Perhaps a joint decision to leave would be best if you really can't make up your mind to be with your H and your family.<P>It is not fair for you to keep your H waiting like this. It doesn't mean you need to make a decision, but please try to see his point. He has had enough. <P>If you don't know what you want, then at least accept his decision to want you out of his life while you are waffling (in contact with OM), it is not fair to make him wait. If you accept his decision, tell him that you understand and that you will leave so you can figure things out on your own, and then respect no contact (if that is what he wishes) until you KNOW FOR SURE that you want your H and are ready to give up OM - for good.<P>I am sorry you have to go through this. I only hope that it helps you realize what it is you truly want. You cannot have both an H and an OM at the same time. It is unfair to everyone involved, even you.<P>Perhaps you should try a sabbatacle from everyone, H and OM included... So YOU can figure out what Lexxy wants.<P>About the kids and work, if he's going to tell, he's going to tell. Perhaps you can convince him not to do it out of anger and you can both do it together. If not, you will have to do it first, if you want to make sure it is not done in a negative way...<P>Good luck. Let us know what you decide.<BR>HbH

Lexxy,<BR>I agree with what everyone's said. Telling the kids will be hard. If you are still hopeful that you can save your M, perhaps you can call your H right now and ask him to go to dinner tonight to talk. If you are still trying to decide, it's very hard for the BS to put up with that indefinitely if you are still living in the home. My H came home because I thought he was committed to ending the A and restoring our M. Unfortunately, contact has continued, and for me, it's been harder because he IS home. It was much easier for me while he was waffling and living somewhere else. I do feel badly for you, but these are consequences as a result of your behavior. Only you will know what you truly want. Separation is never good, but maybe being away from your H for a time will help clear the fog. I will say a prayer that God will give you discernment and clarity. Take care.<P>MOM

As a BS, one time I told my wife that I was afraid of being thrown out of the house; she had been talking to a lawyer. She told me that's not really possible because the house is in both of our names. Even if that applies to you, probably you should go along with this. Maybe he will agree that:<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>the two of you tell your kids in a meeting together<BR><LI>don't tell everyone else in the world about all the details<BR></UL><BR>I can't remember if your H is trying to follow MB principles. Even if not, see if he will make this a separation with fixed time period (rather than divorce proceedings) so that you can resolve your waffling.<P>Good luck,<P>Tom

Hi Lexxy,<P>I am sorry to see your M in this state. Since things are where they are at by your choice, I am sure it is not surprising your H has asked you to leave. This is what plan B looks and feels like. <P>Putting all the talk aside, this where reality comes down and yes on both sides it certainly does not feel good. <BR>Exposure to all (family, workmates, etc.) is painful regardless of which side it is. <P>But Lexxy, the ability to heal at this point is still within your grasp. You have been here and heard the WS and BS sides of plan B. It can be done with the goal of preserving your love for (not the OM) but for your H and your family. <P>Step back Lexxy and view this perspective. Do you really think your H is enjoying this? Probably not. Are you? No. I see that you are hurting and truly do feel sorry for your situation. But like my H, I know that the ability to fix it is more in your court than your H's. He is just doing what he needs to do to survive. Call him all the names you want and if he does the same that is all it is. Bottom line is just as he can not control your actions (to see the OM), you can not control his (to go to plan B). If you want to see a change, you need to show him a change. <P>You see Lexxy, my H's contact with OW caused great hurt, emotionally, mentally and physically. Did he mean to do this? Probably not. But it happened anyway. In order to preserve my santity, H had to leave. But look at the world of hurt that fell on me in the interim. I have been serverly damaged, even though I went to plan B. However, it was not a strong enough one and so I allowed myself to be subjected to greater suffering. So did H. 3 pregnancies claimed by OW. Don't you thing that caused me great suffering? Absolutely (the last one in August), yes it had no proof and was probably a lie but none the less it hurt and it hurt big time. <P>I do not hate you Lexxy, but you need to be aware of your responsibility in prolonging your families misery. Like my H had to learn (the hard way). I am also not absolving your H but do understand his need for this action. <P>Lexxy, you need to decide, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Whatever you decide stick to it. Live with all the consquences. I hope it is the decision that will benefit your family. In time you will see and feel the benefit also but your benefit will be felt later. Since your priorities were very different from your family's. <P>That is part of the healing and withdrawal process. I am fully aware that if my H should slip and fall back to OW, where it will take us. I am also aware of my present condition and that will force changes regardless of my feelings since now my health is in greater danger. I no longer have the free option of just making decisions without a physical impact. <P>Do you want any of your family to be in that position? I think you love them more than that. <P>So please Lexxy, think hard and careful about your life's choices. The road to recovery is long and hard. This is the stuff we were talking about before and I know you did disagree with some of our thoughts in the past. That is ok, it does look different now though. <P>Wishing you and your family the best in your decision. <P>Take Care, <BR>L. <P>

Lexxxy, I don't know. I am sorry it is going this way. How can I say this without people thinking I flamed you... Ummm.....Gosh, you have to figure out what you want. I pretty much agree with everyone else. <P>Maybe you need to take this time to figure things out. You want things to work out with your M, but you continued to see the OM. I know the withdrawal can be over-powering, but that is the only way your M is going to survive. <P>If you get there and the bags are packed, do you have some place to stay? I think that should be your first thought. Goodness, this is deep. Maybe you should give it some space until your H has had time to calm down and think straight. By all means, don't go to the OM. <P>I don't know what else to say.....hold tight and just go with it calmly. If you get all rowled up so will your H and you'll both be LBing. So think Lexxxy...think hard about all the avenues of approach.

lexxy, don't panic, I have been meaning to address a thread to your situation, and will do it latter on this thread (but it is kinda long), but for now want to get a quick response to you. Don't leave tonight, unless you fear physical violence, or feel this is what you need to do psychologically (to break free). This was an enormously aggressive act of hostility toward you, far exceeding any acceptable standard of emotional distress...right up there with punching in the face. Do not let him control or intimidate you this way. It is your home, your kids, your life...he does not own you, and by directly attacking those things he has a lot to answer for. If he wants to plan b you, this is NOT how you go about it, and says a lot about your concerns re the quality of your H as a marital partner. IMO he does not get a pass for this just because he is upset with you. Yes, you should not be seeing the OM, and yes there will be consequences, but these are not the consequences of someone who loves someone methinks. But be that as it may, leaveing may have legal ramifications, serious ones. And absolutely you should not seek solace or refuge with OM, this has to be settled between you and your H. You might simply tell him, ok, we are at crisis, and we cannot go on like this, and I will discuss a seperation with you. Offer to consider stopping contact with OM while you sort this out. It has been coming to a head for months, you know that, so have to take part of the responsibility for the current crisis. Likewise you must have known sooner or later this would be revealed (in one manner or another) to your children, family, and possibly work and community. There is no "good" time, so maybe it is time to deal with that as well. Surely your H does not want to use your kids as a weapon (if he does, absolutely divorce him), and should settle down and agree to a reasonable revelation re your marital troubles. The goal here is for neither of you to act in great anger or upset....however, if he refuses your olive branch (and insists on control) then get a lawyer as soon as possible, and so what you must. More about the OM latter.

Lexxxy,<P>Don't be scared - whatever happens, try and work it out with him. At least he's not violent or abusive. My advice is, be generous, give him a chance. Let him maintain his self respect and dignity. He deserves something, doesn't he? If you can maintain a decent friendship with him then it might help with respect to the children.<P>I can understand the sadness. I really can. It's not easy being where you are. Not easy at all.<P>take care of yourself<P>- Freddy.<P>

Lexxy,<P>Just wanted to let you know that there is support for you and your H here. You know this is a site geared towards recovering marriages and bettering one's self. So that is the kind of support you can receive here. <P>I don't want you to think that you are not wanted. We do want you and your H to be happy. Your children also. Yes, even the BS's can be a stubborn bunch at times. You see that we all suffer a lot. <P>Can you do your part to end that suffering for your family? If yes, then can your H? These are questions only you 2 can answer. I hope it is a positive one. <P>Please let us know how we can help.<P>L.

<BR>Hi Lexxxy, I was in rather similar situation only recently with my W. You may not find my nick familiar but I did post quite a bit about my situation around Jun 01. I have moved out of my house at the request of my W about 6 weeks ago and that divorce is quite inevitable now. There is a difference though, I have only recently initiated contact back with xGF, prior to this I have not been in contact with her since Feb 01. Though I didn’t believe that NC would change the outcome of my marriage, as it didn’t, it clearly was the right action to take. It would have aggravated things I am sure, for me, her and xGF and can definitely be a whole lot more messy than it is now. <P>I have not read ur whole story but from what I understand is that you want to work on ur marriage but still want to see the other man as well, is that right? Do you really want to work on your marriage and be with the man who is now ur husband? Do you think it is possible to love him the way you want to be loved and love a man? Deep down you know the answers or think you know the answers but perhaps wish to be proven wrong. We can change our actions (that includes no contact) as I tried to and hope that the consequence of changing our actions will infact change our minds. <P>I must admit that the worst part is talking about it with the children. After being separated, my children were estatic that I returned home. Seeing them so incredibly happy I knew I had to make some sort of effort or sacrifice and that it was worth it. At the time it was happening I thought they will never be able to appreciate what I am giving up, what it meant to me. But it just wasn’t working, I was sad and unhappy and so was she for the last 8 months. We spoke to the kids together, told that them no matter what happens me and her will always me their mom and dad. I had to explain what I felt, why it wasn’t working and it was so difficult. I can only tell them that nothing between them and me will change. <P>After a week or two of some serious arguments, shouting and crying, things calmed down. There is a lot of sadness on my part as well. Its not always true that the WS do not feel anything and is just acting for his own benefit. There are days I find myself overwhelmed with sadness and feel depressed over what has hapenned and others when you see hope for the future and pushes you to move on. I mourn for the dissolution of my family, what I won’t have again. But I realise it’s not her that I miss or that I fear I lost. And she realises it too, she didn’t jut let go obviously not without the kicking and screaming but she said it was not the love for me as a person that she wanted to save so much , it was the family. Now she has never felt so reliefed in ages and even feel good about herself. She is starting to even date again! <P>I thank god that even though she was angry and upset at me, when it came to the kids at least she puts on a collective front. Its not an easy place to be in I know. Most BS (not all) thinks that once we leave we are all set to enjoy life and have fun. Not true, it is very upsetting, you worry about a lot of things – ur kids, family, friends, finances etc. People often take sides, people close to you, sometimes you feel like you have no where to turn too. Its not easy but I figure they are just reacting to the anger the feel and with time they will be able to accept. What I am trying to say is that things seems to be unfolding with less than expected damage but I know it could be a hell of a lot more worse if I remained in contact, lied further, showed my anger etc etc and not to mention the additional guilt you would be feeling if ur marriage ends up in divorce. Just calm down and take a breather…<P>I hope what I had to say can help you in some way. I know this is a terrible time for you, I’ve been there. Hang in there. <BR>

Lexxxy,<P> I want to say how sorry I feel at what seems to be genuine pain on your part. And being scared, boy do I know that feeling. I am sorry for that. It is not a good feeling, none of it.<P> One thing I took note of in your post, which was;<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I have still been in contact with OM. (I never agreed to no contact) But H is re-writing history and saying I promised not to see him anymore.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> Lexx, it doesn't matter. It is as simple as that and I know you know it. No married person should be expected to put up with this behavior for an extended period. Deep down you know this. Your husband was so very willing and wanting to repair the marriage(or maybe he wasn't, can't remember all your details). But, that doesn't matter either. Even if you wanted the marriage to work out. It simply did not matter. Why? You already know why. Because you were unwilling or unable to give up the OM. You refused to give up the A. So you had ALL the control. Yes, SNL talks about control and what he percieves as your husband abusing you. SNL talks of intimidation, control, and equates this to punching you in the face.<P> Don't buy into his(snl) crap anymore LEXX. For once you need to realize who had the control. Now you must see that you had put your husband and marriage on a string. If H did not dance to your tune you would cut the string and watch him fall. Your husband didn't have a chance. You know he didn't. You cheated him out of that chance by continuing contact with OM.<P> I am sorry for you Lexxxy, I truly am. I had thought from some of your recent posts that maybe you were coming around. That you were about to truely start working on the marriage. I hope that was true. If it was, then it is not too late. You just have to go for it 100%. Give up OM permenatly and do your best to work on marriage. You may not be able to save it. But at least in the end you will know that you gave the marriage and your H your best shot. Let go of the past Lexx. Start a new future.<P> Good luck Lexxxy. I hope you get whatever it is you truly want out of life and your marriage.<P> jd<P><BR>

Lexxy,<P>Those who are telling you that he cannot make you leave are rigth. See a lawyer immediately so that you know your rights. If the situation becomes violent dial 911. <P>That said, I feel your pain but do not understand how on earth you expect your husband to react in any other manner. If you are continuing your affair or even just contact you are being grossly unfair to your husband. This is not meant to be a flame but a statment of reality.<P>If you want your marriage and your H is willing to work on it with you, then commit it. Otherwise, so see an attorney to protect your interests and some custody of your children. This is a hard road to go down but it is one that you choose. <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Thanks for the responses everyone. I couldn't get on here yesterday. Even today its running slow.<P>I'm out of hope about recovering this marriage. I was still thinking that I could approach him and talk about it, but he's not any calmer and more hateful than ever. He's still making a lot of threats.<P>I tried talking to my daughter about it, I tried to stay nuetral and not go into details. He then called me later to say that wasn't acceptable and that I should expect this to get ugly. So no, we aren't going to be able to tell the kids together. I'm afraid to even try talking about it with them. He questions them about everything I say, then interprets it however he wants. I'm not blaming him for anything, but he sees it that way. So I'm not going to say ANYTHING to the kids at all. That way he can't misinterpret what I say -- and the kids don't get stuck in the middle of this fight.<P>I think we're past the point of no return. He's not even slightly interested in the MB principals -- he's operating off of emotions only (fury, anger, revenge, etc.)<BR>He's already told his mother and his sister -- who will spread it to the ends of the earth. Nothing I can do about any of this. <P>I wanted to ask him about dual representation. A friend recommended this as a way to negotiate through one attorney as long as both parties will cooperate. And supposedly much cheaper. I don't think thats an option anymore. He wants to attack me.<P>So I don't feel like I have any choice but to see an attorney. I have an appointment today. I got recommendations from a friend, and went with the most aggressive. Because H has already indicated that he'll hide his business information, and even try some funny stuff.<P>I didn't want to do any of this. Even if we were to divorce, I had hoped we could both be civil. I truly don't want to interfere with his business, but he has me really scared right now. I'm scared of him physically. And I'm scared of his actions. I'm scared to go home at night. <P>A lot of you suggested that I not rely on OM through this. Its not even an option. He lives 2000 miles away. And after H's call, he wants nothing to do with me or my situation. <P>So, I guess I need to switch boards. <BR>

Lexxxy,<P><BR>Please don't switch boards. <P>Regardless if your marriage works out I hope you stick around. I have learned a lot from your posts. <P>I cannot tell you if your husband is serious in his treats or not. I will tell you that at one time I made a lot of the same threats. I never threatened with violence but I was filled with a lot of anger and resentment. That was several months ago. My W was still in contact with OM and it was causing a lot of pain. It's hard to admit this but I'm glad my wife stayed and took my verbal abuse (and yes, I was wrong to do that). Even though it was tearing me apart it allowed my to get through that though time. I feel like I owe her one. If we would have split up then we would have hated and blamed each other. Looking back that would have been the absolute worst time to quit. I can honestly say that if my wife wanted out now it would be easy to let go and be friendly. Your situation might be different and I'm not advising you to stay in it. Do what's best for you but I hope you think about seperating and then leaving the marriage when/if your H has cooled off. It will be better in the long run. Again, I'm only trying to help you see the BS state of mind (mine anyways) and this is only my opinion. No matter what's happened both of you deserve to be happy. I really hope you stick around.<P><BR>Good luck,<P>who

You know Lexxy, I too felt the way you've felt, SnL has felt, and your H has felt at one point.<P>I wanted nothing to do with my H at one point as the BS and as a WS, starting over was also a possibility. I came to my senses quickly though. I cannot say the same for my H.<P>We threatened separation and divorce in full force so many times that it just got ridiculous. Finally, I gave in. I just had to let it go. My H refused to stop contact with the OW. He just could not see what it was doing to us--to me. I couldn't understand cause he knows what it felt like to be the BS cause of my A. Mind boggling...uggggh.<P>So, coming to you from your H's viewpoint, he is angry, fed up, humiliated, scared, and sad. That is not all he is feeling. My BS side had to calm down. I had to have that space and time alone to put things into perspective. I also had to ask myself alot of questions. In the end, I realized that my H is human. He is not perfect and neither am I. I then took the time and found the courage to look at myself. I realized that I contributed big time to the breakdown of the M as well. It hit me that if I wanted anything to change, then my way of thinking and my behavior had to change. So, I forgave myself. If I could forgive myself I then knew that I could forgive my H.<P>I put it all in God's hands. I simply told my H (WS) that I wash my hands of it and that I am no longer taking responsibility for his actions or going to accept his actions. I then started making plans to live on my own. I started to live again. I don't even know if my H is still in contact with the OW but I have no time to deal with that. I refuse to go back to that or give it anymore of my energy. <P>Now, I let go of the anger too. I am not saying this may be what is happening to your H. I do know in order for him to let go and find a way to forgive you, he will need time and understanding. He has to examine both viewpoints and make a choice. He will have to accept the change. His anger is keeping from this. I am afraid the only thing you can do as far as that goes is wait.<P>It is your choice rather to stay in the house. He can't force you out. You will have to protect yourself if his threats are real. I don't know though, I'd wait to see him play his hand first before I make a move cause it could backfire if his threats are only words of anger speaking. You can't rush him. You have to leave it up to him. You have to be the W he thought you were. Everything you do from now on will have to reflect that. You have to show your commitment to him. Words are not enough anymore. Believe me when I say that. <P>I know it is hard to coming from my WS side. Cutting contact with the OM will take every ounce of will you have. So, if your M is what you want, if it comes to you going into a plan B, even then no contact with the OM must continue. Plan B does not give you permission to contact the OM. Your H may even cut all contact with you except regarding the kids. That is part of what Plan B intels. He doesn't know this if he hasn't gotten fully into MB principals. I don't know if you think he has this right, but if you think he should follow all the MB principals of Plans A and B, then you know he does have the right. As long as you continue contact with the OM....I'm sorry Lexxy, but some of your H's actions are what come with Plan B. The threats as well as all other LBing you can do without. He needs work on that.<P>So, if staying in the house is your choice, be prepared to deal with his anger. Has he physically done any harm to you before? If he hasn't, I don't think he will. If you do fear it, don't stay in the house. If you do, you may have to act almost like a roommate. You will have to be a mother, cause that is who you are, but some of your actions as a W, well, they are going to have to be put on hold until things turn around. You can't control your H's turn around time and he can't control yours. You will have to let him be the one to make all the moves, sort of speak. <P>I could go on, but this is already too long. Think REAL hard about yourself, your life, your responsibilities, and what you want. View all possibilities....I think that has become my motto ....but do it and then make the choice. Don't stop posting here. We all care about you Lexxy and you would have us wondering and worrying if you didn't come back here. Read on and view everyone's opinions then you make the choice of what YOU think is best. You and your family have to live with your choices. Choose wisely. KEEP US POSTED ...hint-hint <P>((((Lexxy))))<BR>Clouds