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This Sat am ws told kids that she would call in the evening . No call, kids bummed Sun afternoon she calls <BR>talks with s and d , son it ticked not much conversation <BR>ws says to him that she sees he doesnt want to talk . ok Im got to go now by. dont you think you would want to see whats up? especially with your kids and maybe comfort them?<P> That ticked me off I started to write my plan B letter.<BR>This crap has gotto end. Hurt me but not the kids.<BR> Venting I guess.

Bear, I take anti-depressants, but I already did before d-day. Considering that I've cried buckets, I don't want to think what I would be like without them. Then again, they aren't happy pills, they just blunt the pain. As bad as it's been, I guess it could have been worse (in which case I would've been completely suicidal).<P>They have been a lifesaver for me in the past, but some people find them to be numbing. It's certainly worth exploring with your doctor, but I'll warn you that you have to be patient with them. It takes some time to kick in (2,3,4 weeks) and in the meantime you can get really drowsy for a few days. I heard someone on this board mention a temporary anti-depressant they took to tide them over before the permanent anti-depressant kicks in. I can't remember the name, perhaps something like Eyglanol? Eglanol? Your doctor will know. Also, I take Serzone because Zoloft made me too calm to ever want sex, but I've heard that Celexa is the new drug of choice. It seems to work better with fewer side effects.<P>If this post seems vacillating it's because I want to be completely honest. People have different experiences. For myself, I'm completely grateful to have them. <P>As for a Plan B letter, by all means write one. It may help you think about what you are doing. Just don't send it right away if you find it gets you all worked up. Think about it for a while and ask people on this website what they think.<P>Rose Red<P>

My pleasent ws was over for coffee this am. I was greeted with a hug , kiss, and how are you . we talked I said that it has been 3 months since she left dont you think we should sit down and talk about possibilites of working on this? She said to me its been 3 months already. that was it .<BR>she also said that kids dont have much to say to her these days. she says she resents the fact that I am with them and not her, ( she hasnt made any attempt to have them stay at her appartment yet)she says she misses having them around on weekends. She said that she thinks about us every day and our situation. Any suggestions

Rose Red,<BR>I wrote my plan B letter 3 times until I came up with one that what I believe does a good job reads alot like the one in the book sa . Does it get me worked up not really I begining to believe its time , but I wonder what I will feel like when delivered, will I be able to control myself enough to stay away , what will she react like . This am.<BR>she was so pleasent that I thought I shouldnt send it , I get the smallest of positive and I get alarge dose of positive feelings . Should I over look these and send it ?<BR>Or should I keep on ?<BR> Any suggestions or advise .

Other MBers? How can Colfax Bear know when it's time to send Plan B letter? (I'm no good to advise on this one.)<P>Harley says that you send Plan B when your love bank is so low that continued contact with the WS would bankrupt your marriage. I suppose that means take you to the point of hating your WS, from which there is very little, if any, hope of recovery.<P>Rose Red<P>P.S. It's hard to understand how your wife could be so pleasant and yet continue to hurt you.

Last night my ws and I had conversation , we touched lightly about counceler, her mother also talked about same during the day with her . She said to me you people and these councelers what do you think they are the cure all.<BR>I also asked her how she felt about my persistance toward are reconstruction , she would say nothing I asked her again about my endeavor she said she wont answer that , I asked her what that to mean, she said it means nothing and dont assume. end of conversation<BR> This am. we talked alittle more she said that i was telling her that i was making a sacrifice by trying to keep this marriage alive I cant see where i was , i tryed to reasure her that i donot feel its a sacrifice. she also <BR>said that our conversations get to long . I suggested only 3 hours a week , she said that wont work. Her mother said to her that she should work on the marriage some before its to late , she did not like that , what does she know about how much time I have she said and her relationship is nothing like mine how can she offer advise. <BR> As far as plan B i starting to believe that I should <BR>distance myself from her I think that i am doing more harm than good . <BR>Anyone?

I just thought of this , my wife loves to procrastinate<BR>and she likes other people to make major decissions. I m thinking<BR>that she is going to drag this on as long as possible till I get sick and tired of it and close the door. after all she has om,her kids are being taken care of .she has no worries so to speak. She does not realize the pain she will<BR>get by this,eventually its going to hurt and damadge will be done to her kids. she says thatI havent a clue of how much guilt she has . I know alot of you folks say I was being used before , but at times it takes awhile especially when you dont want to believe it or believe whoes doing it to you . She claims she thinks of the speration every day<BR>but she only thinks why does he continue and never has questions of me.

Hey CB,<BR>Sounds like you had a rough weekend.<BR>Rose Red is right about when to implement Plan B. When the pain is so much that you are beginning to dislike your spouse and are getting to that point of not believing you want to save your marriage.<P>Anti-depressants......I was suicidal for a long time after finding out about multiple indiscretions by H. I took Celexa which kicked im IMMEDIATELY for me. I was very sleepy at first but I adjusted the time of day I took it which helped. Also, the sleepiness really went away after about 3 or 4 weeks. The real problem was that my sex drive became non-existent. It was so bad that I thought sitting in rush hour traffic on a major highway was more fun than sex!!!<P>Yes OP get jealous. I was one in my first marriage. For years after the affair ended I was really angry that he chose to be with her!! OK, so I've come a long way since then<P>RR is really giving you some great advice on luring her back. At this point it's hard to know which uis better plan A or B.<BR>Have you thought about counselling with the Harleys? They offer phone counselling. I think you'd get a really good perspective on where to go next.<P>Hang in there, it sounds like there's hope. I NEVER tried to spend time with my first H during my affair. IMO you're ahead in this game.<P>Hugs....<BR>Cerri<BR>

Cerri thanks for the hugs .<BR> As far as her spending time here nights and mornings, I have mixed feelings. I think that she does that because <BR>the kids have made it somewhat clear that they are uncomfortable with staying at her appt. Also I think that <BR>she says she has to talk to me once a day is tomake me feel <BR>that I am one of three reason she is there. A lack of trust in her word I guess especially when you still see lies from day to day . She is always trying to cover up things. Protecting us from truth?

Can a member change his profile and user name?<BR>1 thing I did hear today is that ws was thinking about getting on MB.

I don't know if you can change name etc. <BR>I would suggest sending an email to admin@marriagebuilders.com and ask that question.<P>Good luck!!!<P>WS checking out the site is good news.<P>------------------<BR>The deeper your sorrow carves into your being, the more you can contain joy.<P> - author unknown

Today is a sad day, aniversery of 1 of our daughters death,<BR>met ws at cemetery we sat and talked about the child and God,why he took her from us. wife has a hard time at this time of year.she also said every where she looks she sees people she has hurt. we touched lightly on our relationship <BR>and she said she didnt want to talk about it she says she is tired talking about we should do this or she should of said that. I know its hard for her and i didnt mean to talk about it today I know how depressed she gets our conversation just went that way . Its hard not to talk about relationship when your talking about your children.<BR> I said to her that if we get a divorce that we are reminded of our relationship till the day we die.Graduations,weddings, grandchildren.She said isnt goodenough to just know that we raised 2 good children? As I think about it it sucks to know if it goes to divorce that i will be reminded of her for a long time and that makes me swallow hard.( its sad)Yep pretty much Im depressed.

Ok folks I need your input.<BR> As I think and get flustered im asking all the questions and get very little response . My plan b is written , I am begining to feel beter when she doesnt stop in should I deliver it ? Or do you folks think that I have to plan A for more time . Its been 3 months on the 10 of Oct.<BR>I need your views. please and thanks