Hi, Indy!
I started a Saturday nite thread, if you wanna join us and move our conversation there... or stay here if you want. doesn't matter, 'cept this one was getting long [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . which is ok..... PERFECTLY ok.... <p>hehe... I'm a fence-sitter tonite. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] hehe

Faith,<p> I am back now. Sorry about that. I told you that I would explain that reason why I said that I couldn't ever see myself with someone else. <p> I have known my W since high school. She and I didn't get along. Once she graduated I didn't see her for about a year and a half. One of my friends from school got kicked out by his parents. My family and I took him in. Well, I was out with him one night and he asked if we could go out to see his girl friend. I said sure and I couldn't believe it. It was my WS. To make a long story short. I took them to there prenatal classes and was there when my step daughter was born. I was Uncle Indy. Well, about four months later he left. I would still go over and see her and the kid. I would take over diapers and dinner on friday nights. Things just tok off from there.<p>Indy

wow. you really were there for her when she needed someone. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I can see how that start to your relationship really means a lot to you. You were her knight in shining armor? hmmmmm, another similarity to H2Y. I think that kind of situation makes you feel responsible for her happiness, hmmm? just thinking out loud here. and possibly, you might expect it in return?<p>whaddya think?

SNL,Z, and Faith,<p> I have a question. My WS is suppose to have the kids on Tuesday. That isn't the question. The question is this. My parents aren't going to be home when ahe is suppose to drop them off, and I will be playing softball with guys from my office. How should I handle this? Should I tell her to drop them off at the ball diamond or should I just not play softball? If I play how do I tell her where to meet me if I am in no contact??<p>Indy<p>[ October 28, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy,<p>You need to play your softball. Remember that you can communicate with her about the children. Send her a fax telling her that you would like her to drop them off at your game. Or leave her a voice message.<p>Remember, it's one day at a time right now.<p>Z

Z,<p> It is good to see you. I hoped that you didn't think that I left last night without talking to you. I think that I would rather fax her at work then call over to the OM's house. When I have called over there he answers the phone. I think that he does that to hurt me. Do you think that I should fax her?<p>Indy

good morning Indy! I was wondering how you were doing today. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Glad z was here to answer your questions. <p>Seems to me that faxing her is best, and perhaps ask for a confirmation on your answering machine.<p>And DEFINITELY play softball with the guys!!! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>see ya! Hope you have a good day!

A mom and her 2 cents here. Not sure if this opinion is too late or not but if the WS is to drop of the kids, do whatever it takes to make sure the drop off point is a safe place for the kids. Plan b or no plan B, that is a parent thing. <p>The kids are not n plan B, you and your W are. Issues related to the children should be handled for the kids interests not plan B. This is why it is difficult but it really should not be. <p>If you gotta break the plan B stuff for the kids, then do it. You will not go to jail. If your kids get lost or hurt because you are implementing a hard true plan B, then what's the use? ....and you could land in jail. <p>
JMHO,
L.

Hello all,<p> I have thought alot about playing softball tomorrow. I have decided to stay at my parents house instead of playing. I think that it would be better if I just wait for her to drop off the kids. I even have thought again about just telling her not to bring them back. That way I can be out of my parents' house before they get home. That way I won't have to face them when they do. They already told me that they would want nothing to do with me anymore. They kind of sound like my WS. That way they can go back to their lives like my mother wants. She wants her life so badly that she is going crazy. It seems that problems are all because of me. If I am not around those problems won't be either. <p>Z,<p> I know that you and everyone else have tried really hard to tell me that life will get better. For most people that is probibly true. I will never be happy without my family being whole. I don't need to worry about how my WS feels or sees me anymore. Because she hates me, and she is living with someone else. The OM is mostlikely 10 times that man, partner, and father that I am. I think that my originial idea is the best for everyone. I am of no concurn anymore. Tell STL that I said hi and I hope that everything starts to slow down for the both of you soon. I know that you both must be very tired both physically and emotionaly. <p>Indy<p>[ October 29, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I don't need to worry about how my WS feels or sees me anymore. Because she hates me, and she is living with someone else. The OM is mostlikely 10 times that man, partner, and father that I am. I think that my originial idea is the best for everyone. I am of no concurn anymore. <hr></blockquote><p>well, you are right that you don't need to worry about your how your W feels or sees you anymore. But I still say you love your kids, you need them, and they need you.<p>What happened Indy? Tell us what new happened since Sunday morning?<p>[ October 29, 2001: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Faith,<p> Nothing new has happened since Sunday. I talked to an old CO of mine. He offered me a job down at Parris Island, SC. That is a pretty good place to go. I would be working for the Eastern Recruiting Region. I would kind of feel like a tratior the the Western Recuiting Region, but this is the second time that a CO has asked me to join them on another assignment. The last one was from a CO that is now a General Officer. Just imagin where I would be if I took that job?? I don't know, but this gives me a chance to make myself disappear. I know that it would hurt what is left of my famliy at first, but they will be ok sometime in the future. I just think that I have intruded on enough people's lives for a life time. This might even save me from having to go overseas right away.<p>Indy<p>[ October 29, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy,
I'm so sad to see you down on yourself as a father, son, and brother. But I am glad to see you looking up about your future in the Marines. It sounds like it can be a very good move for you, honestly. You can start fresh, in a new area, and move on with your life. It's good that you might avoid going overseas as well.<p>I understand you are still pretty convinced that your kids belong with their mother. DOn't close your mind yet, ok? Please? And if you decide it's truly what you want, don't ever forget that you are their father, and should be a part of their lives.<p>I can't remember if you have responded to anyone's recommendation of you trying some anti-depressants. What is your feeling on that? I was soooo stubborn about getting on them, but I'm so glad I did. It truly makes a difference in how I feel.<p>Faith1

Faith,<p> I don't need a pill to make me feel better. That is artificial. The sorrow that I feel will never go away. If I do give her the kids I will completely back out of their lives. I don't want to confuse them anymore than they already are. Besides, my dreams will never come true anyway. About a year ago they had a chance. Like you said before. I feel responsible for my wives' happiness. This will make her happy. She and the OM can raise the kids and I won't be there to get in the way. I think that I will go into my office later tonight and fax her a letter to tell her that she wins. The kids and everything that we worked so hard to get are hers. I would just like a few pictures of all of us so I can remember when we were all happy and together as a family. I also know that I will never let anyone else touch me for the rest of my life. My heart belongs to her and always will. I could never lie down with someone else. That would make me a BS and would also betray my family. For we will always be married in my heart. I guess that I will have to settle for the dreams that I have and know that they will never come true.<p>Indy

Indy,
If you don't mind me asking, what are you going to tell her? in your fax? When will she get it... tomorrow?<p>Faith1

Faith,<p> She will get it at work tonight. I will ask that she call my office and leave a message telling me that she has recieved the fax. I will tell her that I love her and the kids, and that I understand that I am the reason that this is all happening. I will in a manner of speaking dieing for her and the kids like I said that I would do. Also, that if I would have left like she asked me to that this would already be over with. I would be alone like I have been since Jan 01. She just wants me gone. I will keep the medical and life insurace on the kids, but she won't have to worry about me visiting them or getting in the way. I will also tell her that I am just trying to make you happy and that I am sorry that you hate me. I think that I will wait until the kids go to bed that way I can clean ou the car and go to the office to use the fax machine.<p>Indy

Indy,
I'm at work... I'm checking in every now and then... I gotta keep working tho. (tryin to get a project done that was due a looong time ago [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] hehe...). Listen, since you won't be faxing for a while, letsee if any other MB'ers have any advice on your fax. I think it's fine for you to fax her a letter tonite, and to even say most of what you are thinking. Would you let us help re-word it a tad? I'm thinking, go back to Zorweb's letter that you used the other day, and see if you can modify it a little bit to say what you want to say at this point. Sort of a Plan B letter - I'm letting you go to make your own decisions, and I believe the kids will be better off with you. and the I love you stuff and tried my best to be a good husband, and good luck to you and all that. And the open door thing again as well.<p>Anyhoo... see what you think about all that... I can certainly understand reaching your limit, Indy. We all have a limit. We all wish you would stay a part of your kids lives, but perhaps, you know what is best for them, and perhaps, one day, things will change.<p>I'm here, in and out... and certainly don't mind listening to ya, or helping you put your thoughts to together for your letter. <p>One more thing to think about... is legal issues about your kids. I'm wondering if you need to be careful with your wording in that fax, until you can talk to your lawyer again. <p>Hang in there...

Faith,<p> I am at my office now. I don't care what the legal problems are. It won't matter later. <p> I think that I will word it like I did before, but I will add this. I am sorry that I wasted seven years of your life. I should never have touched you. I should have just gone away when SD's dad left. I am sorry that I didn't make you happy. That is the only thing that mattered to me besides the kids. I hope that you and the OM raise the kids well. I would like you to contact my lawyer tomorrow afternoon before you get the kids. I will leave instructions for him to proceed. I think that the OM will make you and the kids happy. I know that the kids won't understand this. You can tell them that it was me and not you that distroyed our family. If you want to call it that. Because we never really had one to begin with. Did we? I will never see you or the kids again and that I won't be paying any support to you. You have the OM for that now. You can contact me through my office or if you would prefer to wait until my orders come in that is fine too. I will always love you and the kids. You will be with me in my heart.<p>Indy<p>I forgot to add that I failed in being the father and husband that I was born to be. Nor, was I the husband and father that you all diserved.<p>[ October 29, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]<p>[ October 29, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy,
Tell me. What's happening with the kids for the next 24 hours? Are they at your parents now? Then school/day care tomorrow? Then what? You want your W to pick them up from school and day care, and then you don't want to see them again? Your letter says you will never see them again, and won't pay support. I may need to look back on one of the 9 pages before this to remember.... just make sure you re doing what you need to do legally, so that you will not be abandoning your kids. THat will matter later.<p>I can understand how you feel about everything you've said. I wish you wouldn't word everything like you have. You are giving your W complete control over you, and I think you're tougher than that, ya know? You are prepared to fight for our country, and you wouldn't allow our enemies to control you like this. I don't think you should allow your W to make you feel like a piece of sh*t, cuz you're not.<p>WHere are you 2 at in the divorce processs?<p>Faith1

Faith,<p> The divorce process is at my control. She came to me a week after she left and told me that she wanted a divorce and it was the money not feeling that had keep her from filing already. She filed the next month. As a matter of fact she filed on the day that I buried my great grandmother. I got the papers the next day. That was valentines day. She said that she wanted to sit down figure it out and get it over with. That went on for awhile. Her lawyer sent me a couple of letters about how I couldn't stop the divorce and everything. So, I did the logical thing. I went and got a lawyer. We have been in the react mode only. No offensive action. That was until she came to me and asked me to take the kids. If you would like information on that go to the d/d board. The title of the post is. Wife left and split up the kids. Once I had the children I filed for custody and for support. We had a couple of court dates and they were continued. The first time I had to continue because my lawyer has another court hearing on that day. Then a few weeks later my wife went into the hospital. I found out at work and it took everyone in my office to hold me down. I was told not to come to the hospital or send anything. Then a couple of weeks ago she agreed to let me keep the kids. She lied to her lawyer and then didn't pay her. Her lawyer backed out on Oct 16th. I could drive her into the ground if I wanted too. That is were we are at right now. The last time I talked to her was on Thursday last week. I told her that our daughter was fine and that she didn't have to worry about me anymore. I was going to finish it. That is were we are at.<p>Indy

O.K. sorry to make you repeat all that, if you've told it a million times [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... <p>
How about the rest of my lovely, well-thought-out questions? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Tell me. What's happening with the kids for the next 24 hours? Are they at your parents now? Then school/day care tomorrow? Then what? You want your W to pick them up from school and day care, and then you don't want to see them again? Your letter says you will never see them again, and won't pay support. I may need to look back on one of the 9 pages before this to remember.... just make sure you re doing what you need to do legally, so that you will not be abandoning your kids. THat will matter later.<p>I can understand how you feel about everything you've said. I wish you wouldn't word everything like you have. You are giving your W complete control over you, and I think you're tougher than that, ya know? You are prepared to fight for our country, and you wouldn't allow our enemies to control you like this. I don't think you should allow your W to make you feel like a piece of sh*t, cuz you're not.<p> <hr></blockquote><p>I guess I'm trying to understand and help you think through all of this. If I'm buggin ya', just tell me. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] I don't mean to stick my nose in where it's not wanted. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>At least answer the first part about the kids.... the second part is more of a kick in the buns for ya. You don't have to respond to my kick. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]