Hi Indy, <p>Can you please take a look at my post to Kevco? It is the one about how he caught his W and OM together. <p>The reason is that some of what I posted to him, I wanted to share with you. I have to run off to work again and it is a rather long post. While not all of it pertains to your situation, I wanted you to know that I have been thinking about your situation and my heart goes out to you and your family. Some of what I wrote there, I believe may help you. I am not a real smart whip by any means but hopefully it may give you some insight as to where you are and where you will be. How to get to a safer and happier future appears very elusive to us right now. But it will come if we aim for it. <p>I am hurt how many fathers & H's are out there fighting for their families. I am equally amazed at the strength you men are showing. The women here who are the BS are also amazingly strong but we women already know we need to be. It is encouraging to see the 'guys' out there working just as hard. You are giving us hope that it is possible for men to want their families and it is not a 'gender' thing..... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.

Everyone,<p> My WS called today. She talked to the kids for a few minutes. I was getting ready to clean out the car. I came back into the room and she said that she wanted to talk to me. I told my daughter that I didn't want to talk right now. So, my daughter talked alittle bit more and then hung up the phone. We went down to the garage and started to clean the car out. Well, I was bringing the stuff from out of the car upstairs and checked to see if anyone called. She did. She said that she had the kids fall clothes packed away and that if I wanted them that was fine and that I needed to call her. She didn't say one thing about the stuff that she wanted. I wonder if she will call back or not. I am in tears right as I type this. I got to hear her voice. I love the sound of her voice. But, it also riped my heart out too. Knowing that she doesn't want me in her life anymore. I am now ready to leave more than ever. Help me please. I just need her to come home and be a family with me, but I know that she doesn't want a family with me. I am just ready to end all of this. Everyone will be happier without me. I just can't live through another day without my wife and the rest of my family. I can't handle her being gone anymore.<p>Indy<p>[ November 04, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]<p>[ November 04, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

No, no, no...... Indy,<p>Clear your head...... think, fall clothes, clean the car, get the kids ready. She called and left another message. Indy, that's what you want. Eventually she will leave a message as to why. It may get her a bit mad until you respond but remember you want her back as what? a roomate, parttime lover or full-time wife and mother? <p>Think Indy, all this you are enduring to is to bring her back to you and your family. Let her reach out to you. That will help her see where she is truly loved and needed. <p>Hold on. Cry as much as you need but not a tear more ok? Let me know if you need to talk. I have a meeting to go to this at 3:30 pst but can be available after. <p>L.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong>Everyone,
... She didn't say one thing about the stuff that she wanted. I wonder if she will call back or not. I am in tears right as I type this. I got to hear her voice. I love the sound of her voice. But, it also riped my heart out too. [QB] [QUOTE]<p>We all are loving our WS, thats why we try like hell and living in it.<p>[QUOTE][QB]Knowing that she doesn't want me in her life anymore. I am now ready to leave more than ever. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hang in there buddy, what she says or what she acts might not what deep in her heart is.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>Help me please. I just need her to come home and be a family with me, but I know that she doesn't want a family with me.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Again hang in there, what she says or what she acts might not what deep in her heart is. Stop torturing yourself Indy. All you know it is a fogese.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> I am just ready to end all of this. Everyone will be happier without me. I just can't live through another day without my wife and the rest of my family. I can't handle her being gone anymore.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>You have unfinish war, buddy. You will not know if everyone will be happier w/o you. Z won't .. Orchid won't and I won't. Your kid & D won't. Your parent certainly won't. Stay away from phone and do not do direct contact w/ W. Stick to it ... <p>Please just play phone tag w/ W, I do not think you are in any position have direct contact with W. Let W drop the clothes at your parent house.<p>Why not bring your Kid & D to see Monster, Inc tonight and let me know what you think about the movie ?.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>You will not know if everyone will be happier w/o you. Z won't .. Orchid won't and I won't. Your kid & D won't. Your parent certainly won't. <hr></blockquote><p>You know my take on this too buddy. How ya doin tonite? Give us an update. k?<p>Faith1

Everyone,<p> I just got back from taking thekids out to dinner. I just wasn't up to cooking tonight. It hurts knowing that this is suppose to be my weekend with my wife. With her job schedule she would have been home for four days. I am getting the kids ready for bed and I will post a little later.<p>Indy

Everyone,<p> I got the kids to bed. <p>Indy

Hiya Indy,<p>Did you read my reponse I did today to Kevco? <p>L.

Orchid,<p> I did read you reply. I am sorry that I wasn't around. I fell alseep soon after my last post. My mother told me that she called again last night. It must have been right after I feel asleep. I wonder what she wanted this time. Most likely she was going to ask about getting the kids or she forgot to add about getting the stuff that she wants. Do you really think that she is trying to reach out? She has said that she wants to just be friends with me. I can't be friends with her. I want to be more.<p>Indy<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Orchid,<p> Are you out there?<p>Indy

Hi, Indy!
Orchid is in California, so she'll be on later. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think it's very typical WS behavior to want to be "friends". Many of them say that. Mine says it. Some WS's even say they only want to be friend with BS AND the OP.<p>Yes, she's sorta "reaching out". She's really probably afraid to give you up, Indy. You know... fence-sitting and all that. She's afraid to make a life-changing decision to cut you out of her life completely.<p>I know what you mean about not wanting to be friends. I don't either. I either want him as a husband, or nothing at all. BUt I think if you have kids.... you will need to have some sort of amicable relationship.... for the sake of them.<p>Just some thoughts....<p>Hope you're having a good day. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Faith1

Faith,<p> If she wanted to be anything more than just friends she wouldn't have gotten rid of everything that envoles me. She already has given me up. She was talking about a live altering decision back in Jan. She made her decision then. She was carrying around his picture and got rid of mine and the rest of my family in early Feb 01.<p>Indy

Mornin' Indy,<p>...yaaawn.....this California girl is up and had her morning coffee (mocha flavored of course!!!)
I'll bet you'll out there are ready for lunch and I haven't even had breakfast yet!!! LOL [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So she called again? Good. Maybe she will figure out how to communicate with you in a way that does not arouse hostile feelings on either side. That can be your goal. In the interim you could really piss her off by this tactic. <p>While she is not your enemy her conduct is making her out to be the enemy of your family. I mean really who else in the entire world would you allow to treat you and your family like this? You are a tactical man, if the 'enemy' was working very hard to dismantel your family/unit/sqaud (I am not good with military terms here, please bear with me), what would you do? <p>Consider your options and then proceed with caution. Remember she did not start out this way, she just took a wrong turn somewhere and boom!! She transformed into your biggest challenge. <p>So whatever she may have done in Jan or Feb in regards to replacing your family in her wallet, whereever, let it go. She can just as easily change it back. Fogese citizens can denounce their citizenship and come back to this country!!! OK??<p>Take Care and keep posting. <p>L.

Orchid,<p> You are right I am eating lunch right now. Do you really think that I am pissing her off with not talking to her? Is what I am doing wrong. I will tell you this. She hasn't called me at work since Tuesday. I really miss her today. I just want to go out to the OM house and take my wife back, but my wife isn't there. XXXXXX is the only one there now. My beautiful wife died nine months ago. How do you think I should continue?<p>Indy<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

INDY,
I am in CA too ... and could not resist to put my nose where it does not belong.<p>I am curious what do you think on Orchid question ...
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
While she is not your enemy her conduct is making her out to be the enemy of your family. I mean really who else in the entire world would you allow to treat you and your family like this? You are a tactical man, if the 'enemy' was working very hard to dismantel your family/unit/sqaud (I am not good with military terms here, please bear with me), what would you do?
</strong><hr></blockquote>

Orchid and Redhat,<p> Sorry about that. I would not allow someone else to treat my family this way. If it were a squad of Marines. I would call in for an air strike or artillery bonbardment. After that I would close with and destroy the enemy.<p> I just can't see her as an enemy. I still see her as my wife.<p>Indy

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong>Orchid and Redhat,<p> Sorry about that. I would not allow someone else to treat my family this way. If it were a squad of Marines. I would call in for an air strike or artillery bonbardment. After that I would close with and destroy the enemy.<p> I just can't see her as an enemy. I still see her as my wife.<p>Indy</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Indy,
In this matter, your air strike is "your patience", your artillery bonbardment is "your perseverance" ... You then could destroy the enemy with "deepest love that you have for W".<p>Your enemy is not her ... your enemy is her fog and reality of the past (old you).<p>I am pretty sure w/ your dicipline and training you could kill "old you" very fast and easy. Now her fog is trickier, you have to ignored what she said/done, says/does or will say/do since it is fogese. You have to show and convince her the "ol' you" is dead. The hard part of this is that you never know how far you have to march down until W could see the light.<p>The war have just began, you have to pick up yourself and do it.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong>I would not allow someone else to treat my family this way. If it were a squad of Marines. I would call in for an air strike or artillery bonbardment. After that I would close with and destroy the enemy.<p>I just can't see her as an enemy. I still see her as my wife.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Indy,
Here comes another MB'er sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.<p>Don't you see? YOu would FIGHT like H#LL for your M, for your family!!! You would bring in the BIG GUNS!!! We all know that!!! We're all waiting for YOU to realize it!!<p>MB is giving you all the tools you will need to do that. People on this board are giving you all the tools you need to do that.<p>I'm about to say something that is going to sound mean, cold, cruel, vicious and just-plain-unkind....so if anyone is weak-hearted, better log off NOW.<p>Indy,
I've read your agonizing and "whining" about your "beautiful W" over and over for what? Days? Weeks? I don't know. This thread alone is 19 pages and over 275 replies long. And then you tell us You're a MARINE???? I'm sorry, but I expect a marine, the toughest fighting unit in our country to have more guts than you're showing.<p>You have been given great advice. You have been shown by countless caring, compassionate people that THEY have endured the same stuff you are enduring. Yet day after day you sit and WHINE to everyone about what to do about this or that.....AS THOUGH WE DON'T KNOW THE PAIN.......[whine]"I want my beautiful W back...."[/whine]. <p>[whine]"I want my family back.....[/whine]<p>[whine] "If I can't have them, then I'll just go off and fight in a strange country and maybe I'll just die or something over there...[whine] BIG sigh for effect.<p>Sorry guy, but I'm NOT feeling sorry for ya anymore. You're a tough FIGHTING MACHINE!!! WHERE'S YOUR FIGHT?!?!?!?!?!<p>Everyone on here is cutting you WAAAY more slack than they would just about anyone else (except OLJMJGH). REMEMBER HER?????? <p>Well, Indy, I guess I'm gonna be the one to tell you this, cause everyone is just too "nice" and I'm just a wicked "B***H" (ask my WH, HE'll tell ya it's true! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>It's time to fish or cut bait. Get serious about Plan A'ing or B or whatever plan you're in. Get there, stay there and DO IT like your LIFE DEPENDED on it. (Cause your Married life DOES) If you're confused, GET THE BOOK. Read it. Live it. Read it again. Memorize it. GET TAPES, SLEEP WITH THEM. Whatever. BUT GET WITH THE PROGRAM IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SAVE YOUR M. <p>'Cause I, for one, am getting TIRED of the whining.<p>Lupo<p>Sorry all, but I'm done with whining. I don't allow myself to do it, cause it just prolongs the pain, and produces NOTHING positive, and I can't stand to see him do it anymore. It won't help his situation. Go ahead and flame me if you need to.

Lupo,<p> One thing that I will ask is that you not disrespect the Corps. Because, there are Marines, Sailors, Flyboys, and Soilders that are putting their lives on the line for you. I for one would lay my life down for you and this country of ours without hesitation. I am sorry that I bothered you I will go on about my busines. I already new in the back of my head that I shouldn't have let anyone know that I am a Marine. Because, just like I have this would dishonor the Corps and all of the men and women that have worn that uniform for 226 years. If you have cable I would invite you to watch the history channel tomorrow night. It will tell you what the Corps is all about. I thank you for listening to my whining for the last few months. Well, you or anyone else will have to listen to it anymore. I will leave you all alone. I guess I will have to do what the Mairnes in Korea did. I will fight in a different direction. I am sorry that I didn't preform the plans like I should have. Thanks for trying to help me anyway.<p>Indy<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy?<p>Please don't go. As you can see there is a lot of frustration out here and yet there is support. Kinda frustrating on both ends. <p>Look, we can be a bit rough around the edges but the intention is well meant. No disrespect to any in the armed forces. They are doing their job and so are you. <p>I apologize if I led you to think that your W was the enemy. She is not but like my H, for a while there my H was like my enemy. Even he realizes this. I am not asking you to treat your wife bad, just don't let her tear you apart. We can feel it in your posting and hear it in your voice. The tears that drip from your eyes and heart are quite visible here. No one should have to go through what you are enduring. <p>Indy, you have been trained to survive. This part of your life will require you to make use of all your survival skills and then some. You have the right to go and do whatever you want. You are not, NOT being asked to leave. Many of us have come to know and care for you as a friend. <p>Please reconsider. <p>Thanks,
L.