lim,<P>I don't know if OM is pressuring her or not. In fact, I haven't been able to find any proof of continued contact (at least outside of work) since early September. Hopefully I'll find out tonight if he is in JA with her.<P>Right now, I'm backing off of filing myself. But I still intend to press the issue of selling the house (whether we separate or she files) and severing finances. My W has mentioned several times that we're living like roommates. That's so true. Well, roommates split the bills and do what they want with the rest of their money. <P>I'm not thinking like this to be vindictive. It's reality. We ARE going to have to sell the house, we ARE going to have to sever the finances and we ARE going to have to share custody of our daughter eventually. Why wait?<BR>Let's see what reality is like now. I don't want to go through another holiday season like this.<P>sad dad<p>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: sad dad ]

Sad Dad,<P>I agree with LIM that your W might want you to pull the trigger for D. I know my W is unhappy and I still don't know why she won't file, but I think it's because of the guilt. Knock on wood that my W is a lot better then a few months ago, but I still have my paperwork and my retainer money ready to go. <P>Sad Dad, I am on your side as far as getting ready to do what you need to do. There is only so much someone can take. I know we want to try and hope things work out, but over time it wears you down.<P>As far as telling a WS that you would protest the papers, I disagree. Why prolong the pain. My thinking would be to get on with your life. It's too short to be in this kind of pain. Remember - Time heals all wounds. That just me talking out loud.<P>Good Luck <P>Dino

Dino,<P>If/when my W files, if the grounds are irreconcilable differences, I'll probably contest it since no attempt to reconcile was made on her part. She can file on mental cruelty or something like that. <P>You are right that she's probably trying to get me to file, but right now I won't do that. Let her deal with the guilt, if there is any.<P>As I said before, I will press her to sell the house and I will begin to sever the financial ties. It probably won't have any affect, but it will send a clear message that I'm ready to move on.<P>If she file, I'm fine with that. I deserve better than this. I wasn't the perfect husband, but I've been a pretty damn good one. Somewhere out there is a woman that will appreciate the man I've become. <P>sad dad

Hi everyone,<P>Nothing new to report. I spke to Steve Harley on Friday. He said not to try to sever the financial ties. He said she'll see that as a threat and she could take legal action because I would be denying her the chance to live the lifestyle she was accustomed. He told me to continue to pursue selling the house, and if she balks, not to question her reasoning. It all seems so hopeless, I feel like throwing in the towel.<P>sad dad

<B>I wasn't the perfect husband, but I've been a pretty damn good one. Somewhere out there is a woman that will appreciate the man I've become.</B> <P>You go, sd!! That's right.... good for you. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I'm there with ya, buddy.<P><B>It all seems so hopeless, I feel like throwing in the towel.</B><P>I'm there with ya too. Don't do it. Hang in there. Stay here with us, we're here for you. Ride this wave all the way. Keep doing what you're doing, and follow Steve's advice. Let her do the filing, ok? You just keep on being the Plan A sd that you have been. Let her face the reality and live with the guilt of ending your M. <P>{{{{{sad dad}}}}}

Hello, sad dad,<P>(((s d))) You are in the same postiton as my son in that your relationship with your precious little one is threatened by a mother who has made a terrible mistake. And<BR>long term, it will be the children who suffer most. How can people be so selfish and blind? I am saddened by your situation.<P>May I suggest that you seek the counsel of a family law attorney ASAP. There are so many subtleties in the law that you need to know to protect yourself and your little girl.<P>As far as filing for divorce, I agree with others who have advised you not to do the initial filing. My DIL filed on irrconcilable differences, but my S has made it clear from the beginning that he will not agree to that. If there is a D, he will counter file on grounds of adultery and fight for custody of his 3 yr old son. This kind of mess is the WS's doing, and it is her responsibility to accept the consequences of her choices. <P>My heart goes out to you and your little girl. I hope that your M does not end in D, but if it does, your D is lucky to have such a devoted daddy in her life. <P>From a sad grandma, Estes

Hey Sad Dad,<P>Man, can I feel for ya. I'm not an old timer, I'm an old fart here at MB. Quick recap. D day March 13 1999 at 0230, not like it's etched in my mind or anything.<P>Found this great place a few months later. Tried Plan A, sucked really bad at it. Just something about her still sneaking around with her BF. Now I could do a perfect Plan A, but, I don't want her back. Emotions in check now.<P>Brilliant idea, go to a permanant Plan B with getting the D started. I had everything done, she was served... and served... and served. Val wouldn't sign the papers until I **really** pissed her off.<P>Funny thing happened at the lawyers office, they only had me sign one copy. I knew I had to sign two. [Second D for me] I left it go as poss a sign from above to keep trying.<P>I finally had enough of her sitting on the fence and stopped by her work to inform her that I was on my way to the lawyers office to sign the second form. Brief convo, I said bye, she replied "Is that it"? I countered by what do you want me to do? Live like this for another day? She asked me back into the room to talk some more. Gave me the biggest hug, kiss and I got a "I love you" and she started crying. I was not trying to hurt her or pressure her as before, I really had it up to here. I wanted her to know that the end was near. I thought it would be more damaging to just sign the damned thing and then out of the blue she would get the final D decree. She called the next day or so to see if I really did sign it. Yeppers, sorry.<P>Well, one month later it was done. D final. She called me on my cell and asked if I checked the mail. No, I'm working until 1800. "I got the final decree" and she started crying saying it was so sad. <P>She still calls me at least twice a month to see what's going on, how are you, the kids, just to shoot the poop.<P>I don't think she is doing as well as she had hoped. Why still call your XH some 2 odd years later?<P>I am currently in a great relationship with a fellow MBer and life couldn't be better. Did I do the right thing?<P>Why am I telling you this? I think I could have gotten her back, but... is that what I really [or you really] want?<P>I'm babbling like a brook. What do you really want?<P>Hope this helped in some way as it took me awhile to type it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

faith1,<P>I'm so sorry things have turned around the way they have for you. But try to keep in mind that reality may start to creep in now the your H's filed for D. I think that may be what it takes before my W begins to see the consequences of her actions<P>estes,<P>Sounds like your son is faced with the same situation I am and will have to do exactly what I will have to. It's amazing how some WS's can create this mess, and then try to get out of it without a scratch. My W was shocked when she learned I would fight her on custody, she even said that if I put our daughter through a custody battle, it will be on my conscience. She said she should get custody because she gave birth to our daughter, as if that makes my love for our daughter any less. I bit my tongue, but there wouldn't be a potential custody battle if she didn't want a D, and she probably wouldn't want a D if there were no OM. Scary how their logic works.<P>medic,<P>Right now, I want my W and my marriage. That may change however.<P>sad dad