Rebuilding trust takes a very long time, I think, I have read that it can be the last thing come back to a marriage. You will have to do everything you can to show him that you are trustworthy again.<P>Like Jacky said if his gut feelings were almost always right, then it maybe harder. My gut feelings were always right, every time I doubted something & I went looking for proof, I found the proof, I won't bore you with the details but my STBX was playing a game with me while he decided what he wanted our sons or the OW, the OW won.<P>I hope I am not hurting you, for there are no one I admire more than WS who are wholeheartily committed to rebuilding their marriages.<P>Remember it <B><I>TAKES TIME & WORK</B></I>

My H and I had a few very difficult days last week because of my 'gut feelings'. <P>As the person experiencing them - let me say that they are enough to make me truly neurotic. The scariest part is that you cannot validate them until you find the source of them and this makes you question your own sanity and suspicious nature. Which I find very disturbing because I've never been a suspicious person before, I don't like it, hope it goes away.<P>But, after so many experiences in the past few months (years) where gut feelings turned out to be right on, I cannot ignore them.<P>I've come to realize that gut feelings don't necessarily match the intensity of the hidden situation - that can really mess me up.<P>My H's voice can waver, he can pause for a second in a sensitive spot of a conversation, I pick up on it - yes there usually is a reason for him to do this - but the reason can be anything - from guilt over a spilled coffee on the coffee table - to a fart - to plans to meet the OW that night in a fancy hotel room. But the intensity of my gut feeling won't match the situation.<P>I feel the same no matter what. It starts with a spark of awareness, then starts to simmer in my head until I have chest pains and my breath catches in my throat.<P>Then, I'm guessing you may react in a similiar fashion, when I mention my feelings to my H (I try so hard not to LB - to phrase these things in an 'I feel' manner) he starts to feel very uncomfortable and denies that anything is 'off'. Sometimes he is lying. Sometimes he is not even aware of the blip in his manner that triggered my gut feeling and never will be, sometimes after some thought he will now come back to me and say -- "you know when you thought something was wrong, well I've thought about it and ....... "<P>I would love to lose these gut feelings, but you know? I think they may be useful. They insist on open communication. Something that is very very difficult and something that my H has an especially hard time with. They are a lot of work, and the cause of much pain, but maybe they are like new skin on a wound - extra sensitive, but they make you protect the area while it heals.<P>I know my gut feelings have opened many conversations with my H. Many terribly difficult. But all have led to at least some degree of enlightenment - for both of us many times.

I think that gut feelings are only true gut feelings when you think something is going on, and you find out it is. Not everyone has this dubious gift.<P>Others feel unsettled by an event, action or word, but there is nothing behind it, the feeling is one of fear within the person, and anxiety, because of past events, which leads to mistrust.<P>I didn't ALWAYS know what my H was up to, or I would have stopped it in its tracks. But I do know from MY experience the difference between a gut feeling and a churning, anxious, scared gut.<P>I think SEM has the latter.

Ok I just worte to all of you but my stupid computer just bleaked it all off. I don't have the patceints to do it all over again. Sorry.

oh, cmon... you got our curiosity up now!! hehe... come back later and talk to us [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img].<P>take care [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]