sing,
The perfect woman, hummm. Don't rush the D. I've read too many stories where WS says that OP is the Perfect person, then after reality sets in they come back.
Send the kids for her to take care of for awhile. If she is young, the babysiting will get OLD fast.
Thanks for posting. I know this is hard for you and your kids. I just wish you the best.

Thinker,
Wow! What a story. I've read many of your posts and is't your husband on the boards too?
I agree with you about what a selfish act this is and I don't know how someone gets over this.
My daughter says that someone sent MM's wife the SAA book. She thinks it was me, wish I had thought of it. Thank you so much for going over this yet one more time, I know that having to do this is hard for everyone.

belldandy,
You got a phone call from her parents!!!!!!!!! Wow. I would like to do this but I don't know for sure if the A is still going on. I know that there are other parents who lurk and never post. Estes49 and I are the only ones I've seen so far. I have to say that if one does not have kids, I can sure understand NOT staying. Sometimes, It's more about the WS than the BS.
I remember you and I'm greatful you decided to post.

Hello GT,<p>I can imagine you as my H's OW's mom. Wow, did that make sense? I sensed all along that the OW was a decent caring person caught up in a situation which she never thought she would get into. I have actually prayed for her to find a decent single man she could fall in love with and have the family she so desperately craves.<p>
1. age when started-28<p>2. How they met-at his job.<p>3. Did she know he was married before she met him--Yes<p>4. Anything going on that was out of the norm when started---not that I know of. I knew she was engaged and her fiance cheated on her.<p>
5. Affair length--6 months<p>6. Any contact with you--she and I conversed on the phone. My H called to end it with her for the 4th or 5th time(I cannot remember). She kept begging my H to meet with her to end it-not just on the phone. I was standing there the whole time listening to his end of the conversation. I finally took the phone to talk to her. I was pleasant and polite. I told her my H and I would love to come together to see her-she refused. She wanted to see my H by himself. I politely promised not to inflict bodily harm on her and she claimed she was not scared of me. She then proceeded to tell me that I could not possibly understand her pain (I had lost 40 lbs in three months, almost lost my mind, my job). She said she understood my H much better than I ever could. This was three months after meeting my H. My H and I had been together for 24 years at that time. I asked her to meet me and tell me all about it. She refused<p>7. Background, parents married or divorced, any abuse, - Parents married over 30 years. As an aside her Dad died last Thanksgiving very unexpectedly. She was devastated and called my H to tell him. This was two months after the final separation. I asked H if she could possibly see a corelation between what happened to me and what happened to her mother. Her mother lost a beloved spouse of + 30 years. I almost lost a beloved spouse of 17+ years. He said she was too immature to see the sad irony of the situation.<p>8. education--going for her Masters.<p>9. Job----She reported to my H.<p>10. Add anything else you know that may shine light on OP. Very, very competitive. Wanted 4 children with my H. Was offended when H said I was beautiful but she was merely cute. Saw the situation as a competition and her pride was hurt that she "lost".<p>I have been tempted to call her Mother to let her know what her beloved daughter had been up to. I do not want to inflict any more pain on her mother but I thought it so unfair that my 14 year old Daughter and 12 year old son had to witness the unbearable pain of my family coming apart, knowing their Dad was committing adultery. Why was it so wrong to want her family to know she was no perfect angel. I have not contacted any member of her family but occasionally when the memories are particularly painful I have the urge. The consequences for her would be terrible. She comes from a tradional family and her behavior could have her thrown out of the family. I know my Mother would have disowned me if I ever did anything like that.

moving on,
You DID ansewer questions that I have not had ansewered before. First of all, I can only say that the OW's mom in an enableer to say the least. I can't even come close to understanding that kind of thought. I'm more worried about my daughters CHARACTER. What ever happened to that word, isn't it used anymore?<p>It sounds like your husband is pretty full of himself. My husband is a DR. and I know what kind of "god" like thinking they can have. God here used as in they think they are.<p>I'm so sorry about this pain your are going through. I do feel for you children, divorce is so very damaging to them. One day he will wake up and be so sorry for what he has caused. I've heard many of our divorced friends say that if they had known the out come for the children, they would have made the marriage work.
Thanks for posting.

Hi, Marry. Thank you for answering my post. I was waiting for that and hoping you would give your opinion.<p>You're right about the Doctor-God complex. It's nauseating and one of the reasons our marriage wasn't to his liking -- I didn't kiss his feet and whatever else he wanted kissed. He would go into work at the hospital and suddenly morph into the "deity" figure who walked on water. The OW was just waiting for a chance to fill my shoes but she learned from him everything I DIDN'T do right (according to him) and she did just the opposite to win favor with him. <p>Again, Marry, you sound like a good, decent person with morals and character. If your daughter chose the path she did it has nothing to do with you at all. Like a good psychiatrist friend once told me, "the parents who just automatically assume they've been great parents are sometimes the ones who are the worst parents." <p>I like reading this thread and what others have to say about their profile of the OW/OM. <p>There was one more thing I wanted to add, though, to my profile of H's OW:
She is 13 years younger than he. At the time the affair began and he walked out, he was 46 and she was 33. I guess it was a midlife crisis for him, don't know what it was for her - probably an opportunity to cash in on the money he'll never have. Ha!

Mrsexx---,
You are right. We live in a fast food world. If it doesn't work for a week then, just move on to someone else. I can't believe the hurt that people are willing to do to someone they loved enough to have a family with.
Thanks for you post. I'm sorry to have a D involved in this too.

misseryinM--------<p>Don't you think that someone who has multiple A's has other problems too. Sometimes I think that it is more about the WS problems that it is about the marriage. He will cheat of her too, it's only a matter of time.
Thanks for your post and I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this.

confusedmom,
Thank you so much for your openess. My prayer is that God will send someone with your awareness and understanding, into her life as a mentor.
I can see from so many stories that there are many, in vulnerable stages of there lives, who fall into this TRAP. Yes, as you said, the need to be special and noticed. Not all BAD people here.
I have come to realize that I need to learn to love in an unconditional way. I've been working on myself, reading the Harley books, NO more judgemental jabs of any kind coming from here.
You bring hope with your post so I thank you.

tmmx
It sounds as though your wife needs alot of attention. It shows how insecure she is. It must be hard for you to see this go on over and over again.
Thanks for your post. I do hope things are better for you.

intheclouds
This post was good for me to read. Even though I know that I have NO control over the actions of my D, I needed to hear it again. Your last paragraph was especilly on target. She needs to go through this , pain and all. It is HER lesson to learn. All I can do now is be there to listen when and if she needs me. I think she does need someone who can mentor her. I doubt, because she knows how I feel about this, that she will come to me. We are in the process of creating a safe place in our hearts for her.
Thank you so much.