Yes, Estes, he knows about Marriage Builders, and how excited I have been about findind support online. I have literally been searching for online help ever since it all came out...gosh... two years ago?<p>I told him about the questionairres that can be printed out, and asked him would he be willing to work with me, and he has said yes. <p>It's funny(wierd) you said something about HIM possibly suffering from depression, because I suffer from it severely. I have been under a medical doctor's care for over a year now, and have been on medication for most of that time. <p>I have gone back and forth in my mind, thinking, "what if he decides to check this site out?" At first, horror came to me, realizing those things I haven't been able to tell him yet would finally come out, then I had an extreme case of relief, thinking maybe this would be a good way?? It would still be coming from me, but in an indirect way... what do you think?

Let me toss this back at you. <p>If your H does eventually ask you for more information, and he knows that you know that Dr. Harley promotes radical honesty, and yet you haven't done it, what do you you think he will believe about your commitment to do everything you can to build his trust?<p>It sounds to me that you have a man who loves you and wants to be married to you. <p>I really do understand your fear of what will happen if he finds out. I suspect you are terrified, actually. I would feel the same way. It is easy for me to advise you long distance. How much harder it is to be on the front line. Have you considered a session with Steve Harley to discuss this since it is so pivotal to the future of your marriage? Certainly, he has seen this situation before and can tell you what his experiences show is the best thing to do. And he can advise you how to do it.<p>I think that your H will have a hard time when you tell him. But, he will have a harder time if he finds out on his own because it is a double blow. This second option will probably be much more damaging to your M.<p>Before you make a decision, read A LOT about what Harley says about how to break the information. Ask folks here how they did this same thing. Find out specifically how a BS is likely to react so that you will be prepared to act in the appropriate way. And, yes, you have to prepare yourself for the pain you will experience for awhile. <p>I'm sorry that you have such anguishing choices. Like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. But if you don't tell him, you will live every day in dread that he will ask or find out.<p>Can you bring yourself to deal with this now rather than to live in fear of what may happen someday? <p>Take care,<p>Estes