lim,<p>I met with my lawyer tonight to go over the papers (her grounds were mental cruelty, as I suspected) and my response. She was concerned about me counterfiling, and not just contesting it. Knowing I don't want a D, she was worried that if I counterfile and my W doesn't contest it, the D will be granted. That's very unlikely. The way I see it, if she hasn't admitted anything yet why would she not contest it? If she doesn't and is willing to have it on record, than I'll have the truth I've been seeking. I have to go back on Monday and look everything over. She is going to have my W's cellphone records for the last 2 years supoenaed (not sure about the spelling) and include OM's name in the complaint. She said my W may very well be in denial. This should wake her up.<p>By the way, when I got home she seemed upset. I asked if she was OK. She said she had a bad day at work. Hmmm? A little later I saw her wiping her eyes with a kleenex. Hmmm hmmm? Is this getting to her? Who knows?<p>sad dad<p>[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: sad dad ]</p>

Hi SD- glad youre keeping me up to date. You are getting to the real nitty gritty part of things- I know how hard it is to feel so distant from the person you married and most want to confide in and trust- thats why this board is SO great! I think its POSITIVE that your W is not talking about the realistic consequences of what she is doing- this suggests that a good portion of her is NOT wanting to divorce and divide all the stuff up- otherwise she would happily be packing her bags right? My H also showed this duality to a high degree- he would show up often to see the kids- wearing his wedding ring all the time- yet insisting he wanted a D- yet would hug me back sometimes when I hugged him and he would eat dinner with us if I invited him too- he would stay for several hrs at a time just as if he was LIVING here and when the kids would question him about where he lived at the time, why was he living away from home etc he would just be at a complete loss about what to say to them! Basically WS are a psychological MESS at this point- so focus on your own emotional strength and be firm but polite. I counselor another H on this board -sadandconfused I think his screen name was- and his W was ALSO in complete denial- she kept carrying on her A lying to him all the while and filed for D on him yet when on for months in a dual life- it wasnt until he got really firm with her and began to emotionally detach from her and treat her in a business-like manner and counterfiled on her that she began to see that he meant BUSINESS. She eventually ended the A and his patience led to reconcilation. I hope your result will be the same. You are doing GREAT so far! I am glad you see the power imbalance in your marriage- I didnt realize how severe ours was until we were in counseling for some time.lifeismessy

lim,<p>I didn't think about the power imbalance until you brought it up a while back. When things were going well, I think the power was more in my favor. It seems I had more of the final say in major decisions, not necessarily by my choice, it just seemed to work that way. Well, the last year she's had all the power, especially the past 8 months with the repeated threats of D. She kept me backed up on my heels. Now that she's filed, I have nothing to lose by digging in my heels and taking a stand. Hey, what's she going to do, divorce me (ha-ha)! Although I don't feel good about the prognosis of our marriage, I'm starting to feel a little better about myself. Thanks!<p>sad dad