T2_4G,

I thought the same thing. I just wanted to get a second opinion. It is funny that you leave them alone and they talk to you like that. She is trying to start over agian with the contact at work. One of my bosses had to tell her that I didn't want to talk to her at work. It was explained to her in a resable manner. She did show up early with the kids last night. I took my daughter and started walking into the house and she handed me their stuff. As I walked away she just desided to walk the rest of the way in. She said that she needed to talk to me about changing the schedule with the kids in the fall. I told her that I was getting ready to walk out the door and that I didn't have time to talk. She got upset and told me that I needed to remember what she said. When did she get to be in charge of this? I find that I am questioning why she is being so quick about her drop offs. It has been this way the last three times.

Orchid and RH,

What happened to your Giants? I told you that the Angels would win the Series. I was wrong about it being in game six, but they played well last night. Do you think that Barry Bonds will retire now?

Indy

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 05:54 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

You are right about Angel but I am right about game#7. I don't think Barry will retire, he has to pay a lot $$$ to his ex plus he actually love the game and to play. The question is will Dusty Baker stays or he will go to Seattle.

-RH-

Everyone,

Well, I will tell you that the last 2 weeks have been long and hard. My job is taking alot from me and the kids right now and it is almost all that I can take. I am so busy that I rarely have time for friends and family and it makes me feel alone right now. I only get to see the kids for an hour a day right now. I have to be at work so early that they spend the night with my parents so they can get to school and not have to be up at 3:30 am. I hope that this changes soon.
My defense that I built up to sheild my pain and turmoil that I have relied on for the last 1 1/2 years is starting to so the signs of crumbling.

On the other hand. I am still wondering what my WW has in mind as far as the changes that she says needs to be made in her visitation schedule. God, this would be easier if she still had a lawyer. That way I wouldn't have to have these I need to talk to you confrontations with her every other week. I feel like I am walking through a mine feild. It seems atleast for right now that I am having to fight to step around them and not right on top of them. Sorry, I needed to vent. I haven't really had the chance for awhile.

Indy

Morning Indy,

Sorry for not getting back sooner. Bad bad week and weekend. Will share more with you later.

As for the Giants, well they played hard and if the Angels gave their best 'pitch' to Bonds and won, that would have been ok. As it is, they walked him too much and well the rest is history. I don't know all the history but guess the Angels deserve this win........1st one right? Yet to see their parade people had to pay Disney?!??!? What a deal! Boy I wonder if we will ever get to go to Disneyland now, H never like the park's tactics before and now this gouging off the world series win..... oh well better shut up before all those So Cal MBers FLAME ME! LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

As for your WS, since you don't know her real reason, you also don't know her motive. However her constant digs/threats to you are alaming.

I know how one's work schedule can really zap our strength. Can some of this work be done at home?

Good thing you have your parents helping you. Remember the things you have going for you Indy. ok?

take care,
L.

<small>[ October 30, 2002, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Orchid,

I can't take any work home. I will talk to you later tonight if that is ok.

Indy

Orchid,

I am sorry that my last response was so short. I was having a really bad day yesterday. Why was the last week so hard? I hope that things are better for you. What is so alarming about what my WS said? It isn't like she is going to get the kids back.

As far as the Giants go. Barry Bonds is a big reason that they made it to the playoffs. It was a good strategy to walk him with runners on the bases, but they did pitch to him with the bases empty and when they were ahead.

Indy

Orchid,

Are you out there? I haven't heard from you for awhile and I am beginning to think that you have fallen off the face of the earth. Let me know how things are going.

Indy

Everyone,

I dropped the kids off lastnight at my parents' house and my dad pulled me aside. He asked if my son had been acting different and I told him that I didn't see any changes as far as the house. He told me that his teacher had told him that my son said something about his mothe moving again. My dad told me that he would talk to him and let me know. I guess that is what my WS meant when she said that her visitation schedule was going to change in the fall. I wonder how far she plans on moving away and how this is going to impact our lives here. I guess I will have to wait to see. She did try to call lastnight and she called me on the cell to say that she was going to get the kids today. I guess I will see what kind of mood she is in tonight.

On a different note. I feel like such a fake. I have two different personias. Part of that is because of the job that I have, but I feel that it is more than that. I just can't seem to get the at home person to get it in gear. I put defenses up when I come to work and it kills me every night when I take them down to rest. It is like a tital wave washes over me. I think that is why I am so tired all of the time. As I look at my career and try to plan what I am going to do in the future I find myself longing to hear my wife's opinion on the matter. I feel very uneasy with making a choice one way or the other. With the hours that I work I don't have time to talk to the friends that got me to were I am now and I find that it hurts me to think that I am turning my back to them. It will be two years in January and you would think that I would have been over this and into building a real life for myself and the kids without their mother and sister. Then I look back over my marriage and see all of the stupid things that I did and how my prorities were so out of wack. I don't blame her now for leaving. I think that she could have gone about it in another way, but we all make mistakes. Look at the way I have handled all of this. I don't talk to her. She comes over to the house and I don't let her come in like I use to. I haven't really done this the MBer's way. Is there something wrong with me?

Indy

<small>[ November 07, 2002, 05:28 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong> I just can't seem to get the at home person to get it in gear. I put defenses up when I come to work and it kills me every night when I take them down to rest. It is like a tital wave washes over me. Is there something wrong with me?Indy</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good morning, Indy.
I just saw where you were updating your situation again. It sounds to me like you're in need of another good, old-fashioned butt-kickin' again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Listen, DO NOT let her actions drag you down to where you used to be. Even if your "work persona" is not the real you, you gotta work to make it so.

If you are in Plan B, then LET HER GO. DO NOT think about what she is doing, planning, where she's going, etc. The ONLY part of that that should matter to you is how it is impacting your kids.

You are growing so strong. You've been at this awhile, and it's now time for YOU to think about your future. And NO, I AM NOT saying give her the d@mn divorce she wants. If she wants it, LET HER GO GET IT!

I'm saying, keep busy, find new interests, exercise, play an instrument, learn to crochet, whatever........get my point?

Just about the time you are doing well, and taking care of YOU, you let her drag you down again. QUit it.

My WH has moved 2000+ miles away. Granted, we have no children, BUT, to me, it's just the same. They run and they run, and they RUN! But they can't run away from their guilt, or the mess they are making of their lives. So, just stay put (in your mind, stay focused and steady), and watch her unravel. She wants a divorce now so she can get rid of the guilt she must be feeling. She can "legitimize" her "relationship." Blech.

I gotta get going, but I wanted to check in, and let you know some of your old friends are still watching out for you!

God Bless you, guy.

Hi Lupo,

It has been a long time since I have heard form you. I hope that I didn't come accross as feeling sorry for myself. I just needed to get that out of me. I understand about letting her go. I am thinking about the kids and what this third move in two years is going to do to them. Thanks for the butt kicking. Don't be a stranger.

Indy

Stupid owner ... 3x manager of the years, world series coach and they still fired him. Dusty Baker !!!. I wish him get a ton [censored] of $$$$$ and bring the new team to win the series on his first year. Hmmm ... how about LA's other team. Most likely he will be at Seattle.

Everyone,

I just talked to my dad alittle while ago. He told me that my WS told my kids that if the OM can get back into school that he is going to go to NC and apply for a job with a racing team. SHe told them that she wants to take them with her. On top of that she told them not to tell me. I called my lawyer and he said not to worry about her taking the kids, because if she does it will be a felony and she would never see them again. If she is stupid enough to do it then she would be caught in time. I called her and told her to drop the kids off at my parents' house at 8:00 pm tonight. That way she doesn't find out the I know about this. My dad wants to just pull her aside and give her a one for. I told him not right now and that I have had those conversations with her before and that she doesn't care. He told me that he wouldn't without my permission. I told him that I wanted to blide side her with it if it came to court. I guess that puts the cap on this marriage.

Indy

Everyone,

Well, I have calmed down from yesterday. I talked to my dad again last night when I dropped stuff off for the kids and asked him if it bothered my son that she told him that she was looking at moving. He said not really, at least when he talked about it. I left right before she dropped them off. I passed her on the way back to my place and wouldn't you know it. She was 30 mins early. I got home and she called at 9:30 that night. I missed her call because I was outside and I didn't see the light falshing on the phone until right before I went to bed. I checked my cell this morning and she didn't leave any messages on it. I guess she must be checking to see if I was home and I think that she is going to try and use my current working hours in court and try to take the kids from me. I only have them 2 to 3 nights a week at home. The rest of the time they are with family that drops them off at school for me.

I talked to my lawyer about it and he isn't worried about it at all. He said that if she took the kids and didn't bring them back that she could be traked down. He also said that if that happened that she would never be able to see the kids unsupervised again. Man, what has happened to all of this that made it spin out of control? I don't want to get mad at her one night and have this slip out of my mouth.

I guess it is time to say that this wasn't ever a marriage and that she wants her old life without me in the picture. The memories that I look back on of the good times and the bad times were an act on her part. I just don't know if I should continue this fight or if I should allow it to pass into history. It also is time I guess to put the pictures away that I have on my desk and at home. I will think about that this weekend and see what comes of it. I mean it has been 22 months since my WS left. It is hard to believe that much time has passed.

Indy

Everyone,

My WW picked up the kids last night and would you believe that she was 30 mins late in bringing them home. I find it funny that she can get them to my parents' house 30 mins early. She told me that her work schedule was going to change and that she wants the kids on Sundays and would take them to school on Monday mornings. I know that she has a right to see the kids. Unfortunately that means that the OM will also. I still haven't talked to her about her moving yet. My dad wanted to confront her about it and what it has done to the kids, but won't unless I tell him it is ok. I am trying to think of a good way to approach her with it. Does anyone have any ideas on how to do that?

Indy

<small>[ November 13, 2002, 05:08 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Everyone,

WW picked up the kids yesterday. I got a message from her on friday, and to be honest. I didn't get the chance to listen to it. Normally it is just a confirmation call about the pickup time. I had the kids ready at her normal time of 12:30 pm and she didn;t show up. She called the house while I was out getting somje stuff out of the car, so I called her back. She didn't answer the phone so I left the message that the kids were ready and that we were at home. SHe called back almost a half and hour later and she that she would be by in two hours to pick them up. Now, I have to say that I have grown atleast in this way. I waited for her to come and get them. I didn't say anything to her about it. What good does it do anyway. Everytime I have talked to her about it she uses the state guidelines. She just can't get out of bed for anything anymore. She called around 1pm to tell me that I needed to let her know where she could pick up the kids. I am sorry but she knows where, when, and why and I find myself getting very tired of this. It happens about every couple of weeks. Why to they lose their common sense when this stuff happens? It makes you wonder if they will ever get that back.

Indy

<small>[ November 25, 2002, 06:53 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hi Indy,

Sorry I haven't been in touch much..... kinda busy with yucky stuff... doing ok there. Trigger day today (will tell you more later)...

Well I think you should let your dad and anyone else who can tell her what they think. No reason to hold back especially since she is being irresponsible. Of course, she probably doesn't see it that way but then again, she doesn't have anyone treating her like she is treatin you and the children.

Glad you to hear your are still keeping things together. I know how hard it is for you and IMHO I think you are doing a great job. I know how shy you are about receiving compliments but I want you to take this one anyways!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.

Orchid,

I am sorry that things have been so busy for you lately. What is the matter?

As for my dad talking to my WW. It wouldn't make a difference either way. She is only going to do what is best for her not anyone else.

If you need anything I will be on the cell tonight.

Indy

Hello everyone,

I know that it has been along time since I last posted. I have been working some ungodly hours over the last few months.

Here is an update on my situation. My WW has turned the heat up as far as the games go. She has talked to the kids about moving to another state with the OM and that she wanted them to go with her. On top of that she told them not to tell me about it. This from the woman that gave them up for this guy. She still doesn't have my step daughter with her. My son has had some behavior issues at school since this has started and we thought that he may have been ADHD. We had him tested and thank god that he isn't. The tester thought that it is almost 90% emotional. Well, he got suspended from school for the afternoon a couple of days ago. Nothing really major it just happened on the day that my WS was picking them up. I really haven't really talked to her about any of it. As far as I am concerned I will take care of the issue and I will give her a copy of what action was taken. Well, my dad picked him up for me and was going to keep him with him the rest of the day. I called the daycare to let them know that my WS could pick up our daughter and that my son wasn't feeling well and that he was going to stay with my dad. I guess that the daycare told her that he was sent home and that was the reason that he wasn't there. That was the first time I didn't tell her the whole truth and guess what she called me on it. The next day she called the school and just through a temper tantrum. They called me and we talked about if she wants anything that she was going to have to put what she wants in writing. Needless to say she hasn't. Then to top it all off. She called my office to talk to my CO. She told them that I was in violation of a civil order, wouldn't talk to her, and I would grant her the divorce. Well here in my state I don't have to grant her anything. It is a no fault state. I can't stop her if I wanted too. She could get the divorce if she wanted it. She just doesn't want to spend their money on it.

I talked to my dad yesterday. He and my WS are going to meet for the first time since she left. He is going to tell her what we have done as far as my son's issues and that these issues are because of what she and her parents have done to the kids. My dad has been waiting to do this since this has started, but he has refrained from doing that to respect my feelings.

I don't have time to right now to go into anymore detail right now, but I will check in later.

Indy

Hi Indy,

Please keep us posted. Looks like you are getting additional help here. Bringing in reinforcements. This is good.

take care and keep in touch.

L.

Indy,

Sorry to hear this but I only could tell you one thing, NC. Any correspondent regading on S have to be done on email only so you could have a trail of evidence. Secondly I think you should start writing a journal so that you could cover your rear behind.

If your dad is willng to be the third party in regard of S, let him be. He is the grand parent.

I guess you need her to LB'ed you more and often until your taker kicks in.