Everyone,

I think that the meeting that my dad is going to have with her can lead to good things for the kids. It might even clear the fog out concerning atleast the kids. I am nothing to her now and I have to question if I really ever was.

She came be the house lastnight to drop off clothes for the kids. It suprised me that she wasn't at work. I don't understand why she needs to come over when she is going to see them next week.

Indy

Everyone,

Today is the day for the meeting between my dad and my WS. I am not expecting anything for me, but I hope that it does some good for the kids. I will let you know when I find out anything from my dad about it.

Indy

Everyone,

I talked to my dad yesterday about the meeting that he had with my WS. I went as I expected. She said a lot of bad things about me. I don't understand it but I was really hurt by those comments. You think that you know someone. Here are her responses to my dad's questions.

Indy was a terrible father. He was never home and Son doesn't have a real bond with him because Indy wasn't around in his child hood. I was a single parent the entire time that we were married. Step Daughter doesn't want to see him because she is afraid of him.

My dad returned with: No, WS you weren't a single parent. You weren't working at that time and you were home with the kids. Indy is a single parent. He works full time, takes care of a house, and does all of the other things that you did during the day. He also could have been more involved and I told him as such. He came to me and said that to us.

I left the kids with Indy because of a lease problem with my parents. I told him that it was temporary and that I would get them back when I was able too. I plan on getting the kids back. There is no question about that.

My dad stopped her and said: WS, I will tell you this now. I will do everything that I can to make that not happen. I may not be able to do much, but I will do what ever I can.

She said that I don't communicate with her. I won't talk to her and that upsets her.

My dad said: What did you expect. Did you expect him to act as if nothing happened?

That is pretty much what happened yesterday. I talked to him about this and I called him after I left his house to pick up the kids. I told him thank you for meeting with her and that I already saw all of these things on my own. I told him that I feel guilty for my mistakes and that not only am I paying for those mistakes the kids are as well. He told me before I hung up this, "If you think that you are going to reconcile with her then it is nothing more than a pipe dream. Ouch that hurt. He also said that she is beyond feeling. No matter what happens it will not hurt her. She is doing everything that she can to make this not her fault.

What happens when you find out that your entire adult life has been a lie? What do you think about all of this?

Indy

<small>[ February 05, 2003, 09:27 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Everyone,

My WW had the kids this weekend. She had to take them to there individual stuff. I kind of used it as a test to see how she would do. My son had basketball and my daughter had to sing at church on Sunday. She got my son to basketball on time on Saturday, but she brought my daughter to church right before they went on stage to sing. She brought my son up to me in the balcany. She looked like she just through her clothes on and ran a brush through her hair at the last minute. My daughter looked great in her new dress that my dad bought her. She talked to me a few minutes about getting the kids stuff and she just looked tired and like she had no life in her eyes. Like she was empty. She didn't hang around church and I know that she didn't want to be there. It isn't really a place for her new life. We went over to my parents' house for the afternoon. While I was getting my son ready for bed he asked me about his mother and why she wasn't living with us. I told him the truth about the situation. I told him that his monther has made a choice and the choice was to be away form me and not both he and his sister. I told him about my failings as a father and husband. That is the reason that your mother doesn't love me and that is the reason that she isn't here. I did make sure that I told him that is was not the both of them. About an hour after I put the kids down to bed my son came down stairs crying. He said that he couldn't stop thinking about his mother and how much he missed her being with us. I told him that I understood and that I love him and I also missed his mother. I told him that I wasn't going anywhere and if he needed me to come back down. He made it throught the rest of the night, but good grief. How much is a child suppose to take? How can I help him more than I already am?

Indy

Orchid,

Looking for you. You have mail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Indy

<small>[ February 21, 2003, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hi Indy,

U got mail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If you get a chance, can you go and read Sandcrab's thread?

Thanks,
L.

Orchid,

Tag! You're it. You have mail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I will look into that post, but I don't know if I can really help or not.

Indy

Orchid,

I am looking for you. Can you call me or do I need to call you? For some reason I am fighting the urge to call WW.

Indy

Indy,

Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. We had company today and then I went to tackle my
rock garden' project. Something about getting rocks to grow?!?!? nah..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The rocks were there and the weeds started growin. So I had to dig them out (while they were still small) and take a chance that the bulbs and annuals would make this little rock garden look....springy.

My thumb is brown.... oh yea it always is - LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I planted about 50 bulbs and about 2 dozen plants. So I hope I didn't kill any plants today. OOOOoohhhh....my achin back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I will try to call tomorrow afternoon (my time). I have a morning meeting. I know it is quite late for you now.

Listen you have to take some deep breathes. Why do you want to call her now? Has she made advances towards you (in a positive way of course) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Remember Indy, you want back the woman you married not the one who has left her family.
You are doing a great job of raising your yungins. You should be proud of it.

Concentrate on what you can fix, ok???

See ya later.
L.

Orchid,

No, she hasn't made any good intentions to me at all. I don't really know why. I guess it started Tuesday night when she dropped the kids off. I was out digging out of the 5 inch snow fall that we got yesterday getting ready for today's snow that is expected to be about the same and it just gave me time to think.

I know that the woman that I married is gone forever and everytime I see her I long for that woman. I just wish I wouldn't anymore. I know now why she wanted to talk about all of the toys for the kids that she took from our apartment in 2001. I guess she and the OM are trying to decorate the apartment they have and she wants to get rid of things that are in the way. My YD has a pant sample of the color that they are going to paint their bedroom in. See that sample and hearing those words from my daughter really hit home. Here I am trying to keep a family together that is already in the past. I will be at home most of the day since the roads are bad. Call my cell number instead of the home number incase I am on the computer like I an now. I will email you my number again incase you need it.

Thanks,
Indy

Orchid,

I just sent you another copy of the letter that we have been talking about. I hope that you can open it this time. I know that you are sick today. I hope that you feel better soon.

Indy

Everyone,

How long do you allow this to go on? I mean look at me. I have been here almost two years and I just have been thinking. Were am I now, have been, and were am I going. I see my WW and I going in different directions. I don't see any chance on her coming home. I don't know exactly why that is. Does there come a point were you just throw in the towel knowing that you mean nothing to them and you most likely never did?

Indy

Orchid,

Yes, I am still up. If it isn't to late can you please call my cell?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong>How long do you allow this to go on? I mean look at me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As long as you allow it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . There is a time for everything .... you have to seek it for your own good.

-rh-

Hello everyone,

I called the lawyer yesterday. I asked about separating the child custody from the D proceedings. I should get a call back from him today. I am going for full custody and I am going to have in that agreement that my WS has to give me a calendar the month prior for when she wants to see the kids. I think that it is time that she face reality.

RH,

Thanks for your reply. I am not allowing it to go on anymore. It is time for her to see the consequences of her actions.

Indy

Indy,
I'd like to challenge you to think less about your W "facing her consequences", and more about YOU moving on and feeling healthy. You asked the right questions in your previous post:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where am I now, have been, and where am I going </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are moving the D forward to help YOU move forward in life.... right?

Faith1

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong>..... It is time for her to see the consequences of her actions.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good, how ? ... with your actions states that life is better w/o her and her A ! ... with you to move on and give your best to a lady that is much better than her and will care about your best ... with you being stronger to move on w/o her.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong>Hello everyone,

I called the lawyer yesterday. I asked about separating the child custody from the D proceedings. I should get a call back from him today. I am going for full custody and I am going to have in that agreement that my WS has to give me a calendar the month prior for when she wants to see the kids. I think that it is time that she face reality.

..... I am not allowing it to go on anymore. It is time for her to see the consequences of her actions.

Indy</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> YES!!!!!

You know I mean that in a caring way. If she was acting like a normal mother, it would be easier to work with her but alas, A's can take normal people and mutate them into these aliens (where's WAT???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ).

L.

Faith,

Man, it has been awhile since I have heard from you. I am not moving the D forward. I am just trying to get the costudy issue rock solid.

Redhat,

Thanks for the reply. I think that I show her by how I am taking care of the kids and trying to do things for me when I can.

Orchid and everyone,

I talked to the lawyer yesterday. He said that she has shown that she isn't coming back. She has been gone two years now, so it is time to get this thing done. Then then talked about getting together and come up with a proposed final aggreement for her to look at and sign. If she doesn't then he wants to schedule it for a court date. I told him that I wanted time to think about it. I have made my whole stand saying that I wouldn't do it and I would wait for her to finish it. Wouldn't I look bad if I were to go back on that stand?

Indy

<small>[ March 06, 2003, 03:01 PM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Everyone,

I have been trying to make up my mind about all of this. I still can't get my heart and mind to agree at all. In my mind's eye I see my W living with OM and that she is happy there and if she had the kids she would be very happy. It also sees my SD with my IL's instead of with them.

My heart sees her living with him and it cries out in pain. It sees my SD with my IL's and it makes it think that she isn't sure about this. It also sees the pain that the kids are going through with me and how do you help them through it.

Here is where the conflict is. I know that I don't want to D my wife. I can't think of anyone else I would want to be with, but I also know that I look like a pathetic man by hanging on to something that isn't there. Should I just go ahead and get all of this over with? I know that I won't feel any different than I do now and she can marry this guy and try to build a life that she deserves. I feel like such a failure. Even though I work hard to do the right thing I end up doing it all wrong and it is driving me crazy.

Indy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong>.....I know that I won't feel any different than I do now and she can marry this guy and try to build a life that she deserves. I feel like such a failure. Even though I work hard to do the right thing I end up doing it all wrong and it is driving me crazy.

Indy</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "she can marry this guy and try to build a life that she deserves"???

Indy, Indy, Indy......she does not deserve to be happy and from what I have been told I don't think she is. Not enough to make it worth your misery. None the less, she is out there letting everyone but herself take care of her 3 children. Now 2 of those are yours and you are doing your part. She is more concerned about what others think vs what all the children need so what she deserves is a good shaking up.

As for you feeling like a failure.... U know how I feel. U R not a failure. You are a hard working parent, great guy, good worker, funny, talented and an over all nice person. Now that's just the part I know, I am sure there is more. LOL!!! U R still a young stud so you are NOT over the hill yet. U R far from being a failure so STOP SAYING THAT!!!!

"Even though I work hard to do the right thing I end up doing it all wrong and it is driving me crazy."

U know better than this. U think if you stoop down the their level, you will be able to live with yourself? NOPE. Your parents did not invest their time, love and energy to have you waste it as a irresponsible clod hopping WS and neglectful person.

Ok, L is getting off her soap box and going to go and take care of her family....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You have been a great source of support to me and my family. I know you have it in you to move forward and if your W is smart, she will see what is slipping away from her very fingers, get smart and ask for your forgiveness. But YOU are not the one who should be asking for HER forgiveness, ok?