Hi Lisa,

I am at work, so just a quickie - I haven't said it before, but I also agree with Bowd - you have said that the night H spent with the OW (lets call her that now for convenience sake), you are sure he was telling the truth that he didn't have sex with her. You said he looked you in the eye when he told you this and you believe him.

I'm not sure. My H also looked me in the eye, STRAIGHT in the eye, and lied through his teeth that he had NO personal, intimate friendship with OW1. He said he had never talked to her about their feelings for each other. That was a complete and total lie, and he sat on the sofa and looked straight at me while he said this.

Your H's decision to move out is too coincidental timing-wise, that's what my instinct tells me.

Although this may be hard to accept - it is, in a way, a good sign, as Bowd points out - some people call it a "rebound" R - they hardly ever last - they fulfill a short-term purpose - making the person feel better after rejection, but there is usually little of substance in them. You will just have to wait to see what pans out on this one. It may be too painful to hang around and watch and I can understand that completely. So the advice is still the same - work on yourself and being the best person you can be. Stop beating yourself up about the affair you had - at some point, you have to stop that - you are as remorseful as any WS possibly could be, and you have tried to reconcile and hold out the offer of addressing the problems in your marriage that got you there in the first place. If H doesn't want to play ball, you can't force him. So now it's time to take care of you.

Take care,
Be in touch,
LIR

P.S. I am busy this weekend, but will be able to check up on Sunday. Take care.