If I may ask CoffeeMan just how long did it take to get yourself in your own view stabilised, safe and then moving on? And also how long did it take the kids?

Many Thanks Neil.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Porsche 911 996C2:
<strong>If I may ask CoffeeMan just how long did it take to get yourself in your own view stabilised, safe and then moving on? And also how long did it take the kids?

Many Thanks Neil.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even though I had lost faith of any possible marital recovery by the time I filed for divorce, it took me close to a year after the divorce to emotionally accept that I had done the right thing for me and our daughters. As far as my daughters are concerned, it took probably a few months since the child psychologist they were going to told me that she could see the girls making tremendous progress now that they were in a much safer environment emotionally and physically. Mind you were talking 3 to 4 months <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> after we moved out and left their mom for good (who says kids are weak?). My situation only differed from yours in that my xWW was so over the top out of control that the court saw that she was not mentally fit for unsupervised child visitation, so it meant that the girls were not going back to the unsafe environment that we left after we moved out and thus had a chance to heal because they were not emotionally being torn apart by their mom's behavior and words. Speaking of which, I can't help but to ask you, how safe (emotionally and physically) are your daughters when they go visit their mom? I ask because since your WW had to be institutionalized because of her suicide attempts, it does not seem to me that your girls are best served by going over to their mom's. What does your solicitor say about this?

I know what you are saying and it has been a concern to me. My W though has been very good with the children whilst the children have been there. She has been signed off well by her doctor and we see no need to pursue any action, not that I ever wanted any anyway.

The court has all agreed this and that is all settled. I am looking actively now at child therapy for them. I am more concerned about the longer term effects namely the lack of a sound mother role model. My W was a wonderful role model until last year. Neil.

Now I know why my D has been so upset and not sleeping.

For those who follow my story here is the latest <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Just Found Out OM4 and Daughter Trouble

Dear Neil

When I read the title to your post I actually said out loud "OH NO!". When I read the post I actually said out loud "I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" I am so very sorry to hear this latest turn of events after your recent efforts yet again to reconcile.

I think I would have to agree with CoffeeMan and query whether your children are safe with your W. I now you have always maintained here that emotionally she has been absolutely stable with them and that has not been an issue, but honestly for your daughter to find her Mum "at it" with OM4 just defies believe. I am sorry that sounds so vile, but sadly it is, and I can't think of a better way to express it. How shocking for your daughter and you. Neil, perhaps, for now, you should re-think this.

The second thing I wanted to mention was that you said:

"I know I have got to get away from this person. The Wife I loved is gone somewhere I know not. I do not this person who would treat us in such a way."

Neil, you have wanted to reconcile with the person she was, the mother of your children the woman you thought would be with you for life. She isn't that person, and whilst she isn't sadly reconciliation won't happen.

I am soooo very sad and sorry to hear this latest turn of events.

Try and stay strong, remember it will get better.

Thinking of you in North London.

Lisa