Hi T-zero. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. That, and I feel complete and total empathy for you in regards to all the statements below:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "I haven't said much lately because I think that:

1. You feel like there is progress. You are getting more from your W more often, even if the rate of improvement is slow. So you feel like as long as their is improvement you can continue to endure some "abuse.""

Well put. How come I can't put things this way?

"2. The other side of the coin is that if you leave you figure it is over so you don't want to leave because you figure some abuse right now is better than ending the whole enchilada for good."

True.

"3. You have tried lots of things that have been recommended and what is working the best is self improvement and patience."

True. Although I would have never believed I could be this patient for this long. Which is why, periodically, I want it to end NOW. ;o)
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All of the above is how I feel too.

Jen

"And what is working the best is self improvement and patience."

.... ab....so....lut....ly

Patience and perserverence.

My hope is this: radically honest and brave self-disclosure of your soft underbelly ..... eventually .... when you are ready .....becomes part of your self improvement repertoire...... no matter how your wife responds.

Pep

<small>[ January 26, 2003, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

oopssssssie

I read your response to Spacecase after I had already written my post about "underbelly exposure" ..... right on!

Pep

Jen:

Thanks. Sometimes it just helps to know that others feel the same way, no matter how hard this is. My regards to you and your H's family during this time of loss. Please take care.

Pepper: I just wish I felt stronger than I do during all this. This am, for example, my W woke up pissed at the contractors and others for wanting to tear down all the walls and start over. then my D sprung the news that her friends were coming over early for the BBQ today, and the apartment was a mess. I just started doing the dishes and finished loading the dishwasher when my W came up. When I was done with my stuff, I needed to go to the hardware store. As I was leaving, I asked her if she wanted me to get her anything. She said "yeah, a new life! Can you get me one of those??" I just said, I don't think so, and left.

Then, while i was at the store, she called and had thought of something, so I picked it up. When she called, she was cheerful again.

I don't blame her for being angry about the house and the twits we have to deal with. I just get tired of being yelled at in effigy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But today was a pretty good day, overall. My W is still sick, so she rested a lot. At one point, I came in and took a short nap with her. That was comfy.

Through all this, I can "feel" her acknowledgement that we've still got issues unresolved that we're going to have to find a way to talk about (my comment to her the other night, which she didn't answer). I'm sure she's having as hard a time with this "gridlock" as I am.

Yeah, sometimes I want to run away, but I love her more than I want to leave her. So, the hard work is still ahead, but I'd rather work on this than blow if off.

Got my scope out last night for the first time since just before D-day. Saturn was beautiful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

_Qfwfq

Through all this, I can "feel" her acknowledgement that we've still got issues unresolved that we're going to have to find a way to talk about (my comment to her the other night, which she didn't answer). I'm sure she's having as hard a time with this "gridlock" as I am.

Keep droping hints that things are good but they can be better, much better. I know you have to do it the way that works for you. I'm still cheering for the two of you.

I suggest doing your homework and calling steve back, now that more time has gone by. Perhaps he could help find a way to get the lines of communication open.

T, I think you are a pretty good guy to have done so well for so long. I salute you for your good work. I think very highly of you, and I hope you can see the improvement in yourself.
I hope W can see it too.

SS

SS:

Thanks for your kind words. I've been rather busy with work (and it's only going to get worse!!!), so I haven't had time to post much.

Things are about the same at home, plus or minus the major up and downswings dealing with the contractors and the house. Hard to have a M with all the nonsense we're having to deal with lately. Groan!

But thanks to all for being there for me. I don't post as much lately, but lurk and post a tad when I can.

2dles!

-Qfwfq