This is an interesting thread that hits me, as a former WS.
Pepper- You have helped me so much as I've read your postings to others. I know you posted on my thread for sure one time, maybe earlier in September, too. I would welcome your insight anytime! Please!! That goes for all others , too, of course. Many BS's have given me great insight and advice.
Paw- I have a lot of feelings about what you're going through now. Many here have said so many wise things to you. It's so easy to romanticize someone we don't really have, isn't it? Your husband is with you daily--reality. What can match up to the excitement and thrill of a love affair? The senses are heightened alone, perhaps, by the forbidden nature of it. Please, people..I am not advocating an affair. My affair was the mistake of my life! I am simply trying to point out the intensity of one, for many people. Some of the memories of my A were the most intense moments of my life (conversations, exeperiences with him, not Sex!, but they're flavored with the knowledge of just how wrong and terrible it truly was!)
Paw- You never got to the reality phase with your OM. I certainly did, with mine. Perhaps that is why withdrawal was easier for me. The relationship had dwindled for some time, and it just took me time to end it--it took courage as he was my only emotional support, for almost four years! I ended it with him in mid July, and NC since early August when he called me and I hung up on him. I truly don't think of him much at all now. He hurt me in so many ways, and now my life is basically miserable due to the affair I had with him. It was like fantasy land , and it turned very dismal-rather fast.
Paw, I am so happy your husband chose to stay with you. Please, rejoice in that!!! Focus on his love for you, his devotion and willingness to love you despite what you did. You can't imagine how lucky you are. I pray fervently for my exH's forgiveness and a restoration of my marriage.
Another point. I 've been divorced since August, and didn't find this site until spring of 2002. I started posting here in September, and I'm a former WS. I have always felt welcome here. Very few have blasted me, if at all. I understand their feelings, even so. We're all here to support each other, and learn from each other.
Pepper, again, that list you made of the downfalls of being OW was very good. Before I finally had the courage to end it with OM, I sat and made many lists about him.
This might help, Paw. After I ended it with OM, at lonely times at first I'd have the slightest urge to call him. I remember one evening as late as November it was rather strong. I simply pulled out my list of traits he had, and the disastrous nature of our A. That ended all desire to contact the man . I also do the 'game' another poster mentioned. I think ahead and think, "And then what" as far as if I actually called the guy. I know I NEVER will, for the rest of my life. It was such a bad, bad thing- my R with him
Hope this helps a bit.
God Bless,
H_P
