If he's in violation of the contract he signed and sent to his dad, I would have no reservations about sending him home packing.

He agreed to it.. Signed it..

Now he's violating it..

Let him see the consequences of his actions.

JohnnyB,

Yeah, that's what I've been thinking - but I don't have much on him yet and I want to be fair.

You are around the same age as OYM and his GF.
What can you tell me about attitudes amongst students about this kind of thing? I would think that in every society in the world, messing with your friend's wife is a very bad thing.

She is persuing him.

She gets somebody else (a guy) to call and ask for him. I usually answer. When I give him the phone, she comes on and talks to him. They think I'm stupid or something. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think he went to the movie with her the other night. He's going back to his weird hours etc.

She's in some kind of band - sings in clubs, so she can tell her H that she's going to band practice. Her H works until 10pm some nights too - so that opens an opportunity.

But... I don't know that he has seen her - just that he talked to her and didn't tell me about it. I don't think he likes being persued, but he thinks she has a "great body" and he's 20 and has no morals so I suppose it's hard for him to resist her.

The thing that I refuse to do is enable their affair.

I don't like him lying to me either. AT ALL.

He lives like a child. I provide everything for him. He doesn't work. He doesn't do anything around the house. He has no responsibilities - except making the grades that I just recently started demanding from him. That's a child's life. He has no idea what a woman is except some kind of toy. He has absolutely no conception of the pain that he is putting on her husband (his "friend").

Q: Is it wrong for me to snoop?

Q: Do you think I should tell her H about the new contacts?

We recently had some changes in financial situation. It might just be easiest to tell his family "sorry, but I can't afford him anymore".

C1

Snooping seems fine to me. He's broken your trust already, and knows he's on "probation". You seem to think he's broken that probation, so I think snooping would be justified.

I'm 22.. Not too far from OYM's age. But then again, I've been married 4½ years, so I'm not sure what single 20 year olds feel like. I know that I had only 1 friend (that I know of) who was cheating on his girlfriend w/ another ex-girlfriend.. The one girlfriend lived with in his apartment beside campus. The other lived back in our home town and he would see her when visiting his parents on weekends (2 hour drive from college). He let this go on for a few weeks, and told me about it.

I immediately contacted both girls and told them about it. The one living with him moved back home with her parents and transfered to a different college. The girlfriend from our home town kept dating him for a few months, then finally dumped him as well, suspecting he was seeing yet another girl.

It relly hit him hard, but he saw what he was doing was wrong and is now committed to his fiance. This all happened 2 years or so ago, and I really think that lil problem has helped him see that a cheaters life IS NO FUN.

Update:

Well, OYM came in last night - just sat on the floor leaned against the wall. He said that she emailed him - asked him to meet her. He went to the appointed place at the appointed time, waited for her. She showed. Apparently her H was following her.

So, there was a big blowup - the girl and her H were shouting at each other. OYM got beaten - fortunately by body parts and not construction material or sports equipment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . So, no broken bones or missing teeth and no cuts. He was lucky this time.

He's pretty down - scared of what I will do. He's still lying to me, trying to make me think this is the only time they met or communicated since my ultimatum and that he was only going there to tell her "it's over".

I don't know what I'm going to do. For now, I'll just watch and wait and tell him to focus on his studies - make sure he makes the grades. Maybe he'll be on a plane May 1st. I haven't decided yet.

C1

<small>[ March 21, 2003, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: ConcernedOne ]</small>