I am slowy begining the PLAN A again and here is a email between me and W today.
____________________________________
May I come by the house (and come in) to spend about a half hr with kids
and drop off some items for the kids (stuff from my mom). I forgot to
ask you. I miss them.
____________________________________
what time?
____________________________________
You tell me.
____________________________________
6:30
____________________________________
OK...I do have men's meeting @7:00 but I will be late for that, I will leave around 7:15ish. Is this ok....

I want to again thank you for sharing that "sock" story with me. It
touched my heart and I have you to thank.
_____________________________________
****I called her and asked to reschedule cause I felt it was important not to be late for mens meeting*****
_____________________________________
Since you just called and said you would not come tonight because of men's meeting we can re-schedule for tomorrow. Feel free to e-mail me and request a time if you do not hear from me first.

Did you send the car insurance payment?
______________________________________
Car insurance in Mailbox (will go today). Time tomorrow does not matter to me. I am working out and usually done by 5:30. I do not want to interrupt anything you are doing. I am just thankful you are allowing me to come into our house and spend a precious few with my kids. You let me know what is convenient for you and kids. I hope you have an enjoyable day. Thanks for your understanding in me forgetting about Men's Meeting.

I love you and everything about you. Someone told me about this poem, I am not sure who the author is but I thought of you.

I love you
by Brittney Lynne Harbison

You're all I ever wanted, you're all I ever needed.
But, you're not in my life and I feel so uncompleted.
Just thinking of you brightens up my day.
I want to tell you so much, but I don't know what you'd say.
Sometimes at night I think about me and you.
I think of the great days we had before you said we were through.
You're close to my heart even though you're far away.
I try to make things straight again but there never going to be okay.
You hurt me a lot and sometimes I don't think you see You hold the fact that I love you against me.
Sometimes I look up at the stars
And wonder if you're looking up at the same sky.
Thinking of living without you makes me want to die.
Since things aren't working out for you and I
For now I will just live on a lie.
Just give me a chance to make things right.
I will try as hard as I can with all my might.
I miss you all the time even when I am talking to you.
I love you so much I just wish that you knew.
My Love for you is nothing new.
________________________________________

Any thoughts?

<small>[ March 11, 2003, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>

Whoooooo HOOOOOO....Divorce put off for till June. Thanks GOD.

Where is everyone at <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

ATN:

Hey, I'm here (between a lot of crap to deal with on the house and at work).

That's great news about the DV being put off! A LOT of GOOD can happen between now and June!

Just don't slack off, okay? Hunker down and work HARD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-Qfwfq

Please tell me it is VERY common for WS to continualy say she does not love me, is not in love with me and never wants to get back together. I am having a hard time with her telling this because I feel like she means it. She actually told me to "Get over it". She asked me why I will not give her the divorce.(basically I could have signed today and it would have been over, even in my favor but declined her offer), I told her that I DO NOT WANT THIS DIVORCE and TOLD HER I LOVE HER AND WILL DO SO FOR EVER>>>>THEN SAID GET OVER THAT.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

ATN:

That's it, it IS very common for the WS to say those things. They ALL say exactly those things, and a whole lot more. Check out kuljey's recent thread. She was asking the same question you just asked.

The aliens have a very limited agenda with their WS abductions. Seems they understand us humans so little that they can only come up with one script for all their abductees!! ...that's why they ALL say the SAME EXACT THINGS!

-Qfwfq

I understand that talking about the relastionship is LBing. But when that happens, like last nite, was it ok for me to stress that I know about the affair (she still has not admitted, but I have hard proof)and that no matter what I love her and I am sticking by your side. Thats not LBing, is it? Cause during recent convos I tried to be nice and understanding, but I speak as if she has told me about the A. She listens, but does not speak.

Just curious......

ATN:

You always run the risk that, if you reveal your "sources" (snooping on her computer, checking cell records, tape recorders in her car...) that you blow your chances at getting "more dirt" (if you need more, that is) and driving the Affairees "underground." They could always communicate via a hotmail or yahoo account that wouldn't show up on your home computers.

But you may need to show her SOME proof that you know she's having an A, if she keeps denying it or trying to make you feel like you're going crazy.

Bottom line, "outing" the A to people around the affairees is what starts to inject that dose of reality into their fantasy life so that it can start to fall apart.

All my best,
-Qfwfq

ATN, they ALL say the very things that your W says. It is so funny that they all say the exact things as if from a script! She is in the throes of an addiction and it will blow over. The thing you have to do is continually work your Plan A so that when she comes out of fogland, you have a relationship LEFT.

I think putting pressure on the affair from the other end will help bring things out in the open and hasten the end of the affair. Just be patient, you are on the right track.

But please keep something else in mind, please don't go overboard in your expressions of affection or let her run over you. She seems very strongwilled and the worst thing you can do is let her run over you. That will erode her respect for you. It is a lovebuster to be patronized.

Thanks MEL and Q. I am taking a new look at things and going slower. I have contacted OM's W and actually had dinner with her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She also went to my wifes work. She told my wife that she knows plenty of Victim Adovacates (thats what my wife does, help victims of crime in federal cases)and said thats kinda funny that my wife is creating victims. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Anyway bacislly told her that she is a victim of her sins and threw some of her wedding pictures at my wife and then said she could not beleive my W is doing this with 2 beautiful children and a husband who loves her to death.

Big problem though.....OM's W leaves in 3 weeks for 12 weeks to be on rotation for her job...I think this may be bad news for me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> She was served her D papers just this past friday....When I contacted her she thought something was going on but was not sure....but obviously our conversations proved the affair....Told wife that I know about all the certain dates and things like she was at his house and OM's wife was away for Valentines Day and when she came back noticed that all of the candels thru out house were in the wroing places....Ask what he did that weekend and he indicated he just rented a movie..Bourne Idnedity...she went to Blockbuster and asked what movie was rented and of course he lied....they rented the Jennifier Aniston movie where she cheats on her husband.....go figure....

Anyway....Inlaws says to STAY AWAY from HER.....So i am going to do a revised PLAN A where my contact to her will only be when discussing kids and I will throw in the Hows your day, hows work...things like that and lay off gifts......but I will continue to give her a card at least 2x a week...

Sound Good MEL and Q.....and of course WAT...

<small>[ March 13, 2003, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>

ATN, are the OM and his wife seperated?

I can not remember if I have said this before but he filed 2 weeks ago, she was served this past friday. She has since moved into a spare bedroom. He will not leave the house. They have talked a little, she even asked if he would go to thier pastor and he immediately said yes. He also could not give her a valid reason to get a D.

ATN,
Can you send her here to us? Or at least give her your books so she can try to save her marriage. We really need her to be working on her marriage in order to discourage her H from leaving! If she doesn't know any better, she will lovebust him and push him away.

Do you guys think they are splitting up so they can get together? And what was your wife's response when she confronted her? When did that happen? Did your wife say anything to you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong>ATN,
Can you send her here to us? Or at least give her your books so she can try to save her marriage. We really need her to be working on her marriage in order to discourage her H from leaving! If she doesn't know any better, she will lovebust him and push him away.

Do you guys think they are splitting up so they can get together? And what was your wife's response when she confronted her? When did that happen? Did your wife say anything to you?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told her about the website and you guys. She seemed interested in the books, however she feels that he has broken thier trust (obvisously) and made me beleive that she did not want ot save marriage if he did not want to. Please understatnd that she just found out about affair sunday from me, but had suspicions (SP) and when we met they were confirmed. She is not in the same state of mind for 2 reasons, first she is just starting to deal with her own emotions because he could not give her reason for D and she has no kids.

There is no doubt they are getting D's to be togheter. In the begining my W told her Mom this. Since then her mom wants nothing to do with her. As far as what my wife did was to deny to some extent but basically the OMW did 90% of the talking. WIfe said nothing to me. I did tell her that me and the OMW and I had been in contact within the last few days and the the OMW called me and sadi she visisted you at work. My wife said she did not want to discuss it. I said did she "threaten you" and she said what if she did....what would YOU do....I said I would call her and say that was unnecessary...Wife said it does not matter it was probaby part of OMW and mines plan. Do not know where that came from.

ATN:

I hope OMW does decide to come here. This all sounds so classic. That should give you MUCH hope for reconciliation.

One of the first things to do, if she'll come here, or if she'll at least read the books and wants to save HER M, is to get both of you to do all you can to stall the DVs on your own ends. That would be one heckuva dose of relality for both WSs.

Take care,
-Qfwfq

Talked to OM W today. He has not come home since Monday. SHe has no plans making it work iwth him. She called his mom and she was cold as hell to her and she just said F-IT. Tried to talk some sense into her but she does not want to be with someone who has been dishonest. Anyway this guy is a COWARD. He knows she knows abd the COWARD wont come home.....Thats my guess. Anyway had a nice time with D tonite. Of all movies she wanted to see......BRINGIN DOWN THE HOUSE with Steve Martin and Queen Latifa. Great movie but I sorta cried at the end...Martin's wife wants him back.....Definite Renter.

I see son tomorrow. We will probably go to park, it supposed to be in the 60 here in the midwest.

I miss my wife and kids. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Sorry, ATN, I know you are lonely. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am very disappointed in the OMW response. Do you think there is any chance she will change her mind once she gets over the shock of the affair?

ATN:

That's sad news. It would have been nice to have an ally. But Mel has a point, she may come around after she gets over the shock of D-day. But give her time if she needs it.

-Qfwfq

Well kinda good weekend. Wife called me a few time to ask how my time with son was, she called first time and left that message and then called 10 more time thru out the rest of the day. I kept putting it to Voicemail. She then finally left another VM asking her to call her about church tommorrow. I did not return her call because I had not indicated to her anything regarding church and as far as I was concerned her intent was to "tell me not to talk to her or yell at me for something". So I figured if it was really that inportant she'd call back. Well I got to church and sat with my inlaws like I always do and my wife shows up anout a 1/2 hr into service. My son came running up to me and made my heart melt all over again. Wife looks at me but says nothing. My inlaws and kids were sitting inbetween my W and I and during service I could see her trying to get my attnetion. SHe leaned over all of the family and says I look very good today. (I was wearing a tye...I have to admit I looked good) anyway I replyed back to her that she looked good also and returned my attnetion to the service. A few minutes later, I was squinting and the overhead and she again tried to get my attention and asked me If I wanted to borrow her glasses. I said no thank-you, but was very happy she was paying attention to me during the service. After service she came up to me and asked why I did not return her calls yesterday. I politely said, well I assumed that we never discussed going church together tommorrow that I did see any reason for it to be discussed and as far as my time with son that day, there were no problems. She sadly said ok then.....I said goodbye to kids and left.....

I have a Doctor appointment right now.....There is a lot more to day.....give me a n hour and I will poist more.....Including my diiner with her last nite.....and her partly opening up to me.....

Also..OMW called me and said he has not come home yet.....more on that later...

Been very upset on how my wife has been displining kids. Wanted to talk to her in person so I called and asked to come over. Also had xmas present from fiend to son that I wanted to give to him. Anyway got there and said my piece and also told wife I was not interested in selling the house and then she asked why and began to cry.....I said you know the reason and she said it becasue you still love me and do not want to sell it cause your hoping we will be back togehter.....I said yes....in one way or another...

Now please remember up to this point in time every convo we have had I have asked all the questions while she sat and listened.....I always tried to patch "things up" to no avail...well the tables turned.....

She began to make a statement while she was cleaning up dogs pee at front door.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She said this "I just...I mean...I am scared that....oh never mind....the usual me would have hounded her until she either kicked me out or said forget it.....I let it go and asked if she minded if I sat down and played with son (he just got done opening that present). She of course said yes.....

As I played with son I said a few things to her but basically told her I knew about the A and I am mad that you have told everyone but me. I told her that it is not fair for her to treat me this way....I was not yelling just talking...

Anyway she began to ask a slurry of questions....that sparked from this comment.....

What do you want to do start dating me again....and I replied....no you are my wife....she responded (while realy starting to cry)...."You should have never stopped dating me, you should have put down the Playstation and romanced me".....I replied that I was 1000% in the worng and that I realized that now and all I can do is insure that will never happen again... My love for you is stronger then ever....She then asked how I could still love her after all this (please remeber she has not admitted anything, but our conversations refer to the A) I stold her that my love for her will never go away and that my heart is filled with love only for her....I said alot more but you get the point...She then brought up SEX....and asked how could I ever make love to her again....I repsoned by saying that I can not answer that honelsty right now but I can say that if I was ever in that position at least you would be in my arms and I would have to take it step by step and that situation would be hard for both of us but my concentration is trying to work on our emotional relationship and that was down the line. I indicated to her that alot of the pain, images and thoughts have already bneen thru my mind in the previous weeks and that god has me concentrating on being a better person. Alot more was said, again nothing of great importance to you guys but the convos were good. SHe also asked why I love her and told her a few things.....all of this time she was weeping...

It was around dinner time and she was making Mac and cheese for son (D was with her mom to see a show) and wife said that she should probably wait and make mac and cheese for when d is home since she is the mac lover. She then said I can make something different for us....I was like "are you asking me to stay for dinner....she said ya I guess......I said how about we order out and I go get it.....she indicated that would be ok....so during dinner I brought up us and she intterupted me and said shed rather not talk about it no more....I was kinda shocked and wanted to continue but I bit my tongue and said ok....she said she was terribly stressed.....Then her mom called and asked for my D to be picked up and my wife said WE WOULD BE RIGHT THERE and I assumed W,S and Me but she then said she was not sure she wanted to be in car with me right now.....talk about a 180....she said its best we just leave it where it was (refering to us)....I said ok (bitting my tongue and thinking we just had dinner togkether and she does not want to be in a car with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ) but again thinking of you guys and how things do not happen overnite I casually left.

The usual me would have called last nite but the changes in her and me made me look past that and I DID NOT PICK UP THE PHONE...I AM SO PROUD OF ME....I did however email her this morning saying the following:

Hey,

Thanks for having me for dinner last nite. It was great to see your beautiful smile again. I anxiously await the next ime we can do that. I love you forever.

ME

Guess who called first thing....My W reminding me that Tuesday nite my D has a another program...I said ya I remeber (thinking she just gave me the sheet from school that told me about it) I then said thanks for dinner last nite and have a good day,.....she said the same....

So....WAT/ME/Q and anyone else.....what are your comments....She also was concerned that I would take her back and then in a few months drop her and laugh at her and say "see ya".....is this tyopical...

BTW I wish this board had spell checker...

<small>[ March 17, 2003, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>