Q, It has a huge fridge! AND we can use a grill there too!

O, many thanks...the support is appreciated and has helped me through this more than you know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 11, 2003, 10:03 AM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

Space,
Had dinner last night with friends. Apparently your situation is common.

This subject was brought up about women having relationships with men in prison. One couple actually knows a woman that married a guy in prison...knowing he will NEVER get out.

We had a long discussion and I thought of you. It is beyond me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Susan

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Susan:
<strong>Space,
Had dinner last night with friends. Apparently your situation is common.

This subject was brought up about women having relationships with men in prison. One couple actually knows a woman that married a guy in prison...knowing he will NEVER get out.

We had a long discussion and I thought of you. It is beyond me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Susan</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Insanity...just insanity...beyond my capacity to comprehend.

But I have heard and read about that as well. In my search for answers I joined several "prisoners' groups" on the internet and such, and it is truly amazing some of what goes on. I mean I can understand a woman whose H is sent to prison, but people purposely seeking to meet and marry prisoners...weird! I'm sure there's a proper psychiatric term for that...

Its a way of getting attention and scoring points as a forward thinking womens movement intellectual.My hs a was with a similar woman. She ,whose education and upbringing destined her to be happily married to a successful professional, chose instead to form a lesbian r with a coloured woman soldier.Hows that for shocking your parents?

Really wierd, indeed. Maybe it has to do with the fact that it's about projecting anything (hopes, dreams, secret wishes) onto the lvoer, knowing that it will never be able to be realised, thus being more liberated? Whatever.

Tell me, Spacecase, what is OM in for anyway?

Clearly, there are many scenarios I can imagine for something like that. For instance I have friends who were brought up very, very conservative jewish; to the point where they were not allowed to date non-jews, and non-jewish friends were not welcome to their home to do homework, for instance. (Caveat; the parents were concentration-camp survivors. Not excusing it, just giving it a framework)
In any case, the eldest daughter married a colored christian man from Haiti, and raised their children christian...I guess it's just a way of "getting back" for the control and demands.

The OM is a jewel! He's in for distribution of cocaine, money laundering, and parole violation. He was in prison before as well (from what I can tell he's been in prison pretty much for the last several years, except for a brief parole.) Oh, and two failed marriages...Just the kind of wonderful husband and father any woman could wish for! A true prize! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Me? Oh, I'm just a bum who's always provided for the family, helped raise wonderful children, and worked my a** off for 8 years after arriving in the US with next to nothing, to give them a decent lifestyle and better opportunities than we had. Our own home, 3 cars, college, camp, trips, etc. etc. etc. Just a total loser who couldn't manage to love her as she wished while doing all of that!

Sorry for the sarcasm...couldn't help it!

<small>[ April 15, 2003, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

SC-

I am going to say something here that most people are going to disagree with. That's okay though, because we all want the same thing - for you to be happy no matter what the outcome.

From the descrittion that you shared of the dinner with your wife, I got the feeling that she is looking to find her way home to you...I think that she realizes how screwed up she is, and she isn't sure if there is a way that she can PROVE that she really wants to be home. You will know the validity of this by your internal reactions to what I'm saying here.

What I see is the similar pattern that Mortarman had right before his W came home. He was ready to see someone new, and she recognized her losses. Look at where you are and how she reacted.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She then said that she knew she was the one who had to "get herself together" that she was sorry she'd been unable to do it during all this time, that she knew I'd been trying in many ways, but that she knew now that she could not continue to live this way, and that she needed time away from both of us to get herself put back together.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is HUGE!!! She is coming out of the FOG SC.

The question is...are you willing to give it one last chance? Mortarman was ready to quit too.

I suspect that if you PLAN-B'd her for a month...she will find what is just below the surface. Her veneer would carck and your wife would be there.

I believed that she wants her life back. Do you?

Kily;

You are entirely correct. On the surface, these would indeed seem to be very promising signs, and I should heed them.

However, these "signs" and others like them have appeared repeatedly throughout this ordeal. Many times. And without exception, I have given her the benefit of the doubt, and tried yet one more time. Only to find that it was yet another lie, another deception designed to delay the inevitable.

I sincerely hope this time it turns out to be true...and if so, we might make another try at it. And if not us, then at least her next relationship will probably be a better one.

For now, our divorce decree is imminent, I've signed a lease on an apartment, and I'll be moving on with my life. If it does turn out to be true, and she voluntarily chooses to demonstrate that it is true, then we might re-unite. No law against dating your ex, is there?

As for me; I'm through asking for things, I'm through lecturing and educating. She knows full well what she'd need to do to get me back, and if she's sincere, and wants to mend her ways, I will be there for her. As I have been all along...even over the last two months, after filing for divorce.

This has to come from her. Her initiative, her decision. I've worked very, very hard and gone through many months of pain until I was able to break loose from the attachment. I'm not about to give that up for some tears and words that have no actions backing them up...she has shown repeatedly that she will do whatever it takes to perpetuate the status-quo, the lie, the deceit...well no more. I'm gone! I hope she invites me to their wedding...never been to a prison wedding before! LOL!!!

Spacecase you are remarkable.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing.

If she ever decides to do whatever it takes to win you back, I would make her show me repeatedly that she is serious! It would not be easy!

I respect you and I know now that you will be ok regardless. I've seen your pic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Wishing all the best for you,
Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Susan:
Spacecase you are remarkable. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I think you are doing exactly the right thing.

If she ever decides to do whatever it takes to win you back, I would make her show me repeatedly that she is serious! It would not be easy!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would LOVE to have the chance to hold my hand out to her, and help guide her, with compassion, love and patience...IF she showed sincerity in her desire to walk down that path.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I respect you and I know now that you will be ok regardless. I've seen your pic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, ok, tell me more...this sounds like a "flirtatious compliment"...I need some of this...22 years out of the ring y'know! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ April 15, 2003, 11:17 AM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

Well, I'm happily married after YEARS of work in recovery, so, I should not be passing along "flirtatious compliments"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Let me just say that in my opinion, some woman will be very lucky. I am sad that it may not be your wife.

But, that is her fault and her fault alone. You have certainly been more patient than I could have ever been.

Susan

<small>[ April 15, 2003, 11:30 AM: Message edited by: Susan ]</small>

Thank you! I think that is what I am most proud of; that the lessons learned will make me a better person, and hopefully a better partner in the future. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

AH HA!

Did I hit upon one of your EN's? (admiration) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Suz <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You certainly did! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think that is what I am most proud of; that the lessons learned will make me a better person, and hopefully a better partner in the future. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My thoughts exactly regarding all the self-examination I have seen you do.

S.

Susan:

Make SC tell you about the large, carved, wooden OM he just bought for his apartment!

...he never said whether it has a fireplace, either! But what a BBQ we can have when I'm in Houston next!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-Qfwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Make SC tell you about the large, carved, wooden OM he just bought for his apartment! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Spacecase <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Tell, tell!

Can I plez' come? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ROTFLOL!!!!!

Q, you kill me, man! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK, I'm writing about the apartment I got, all about the bay windows, with a view of the rock gardens, bamboo trees and the wind chime outside, and that I bought a large carved, wooden OM to put outside my door.

So Q comes back and says "WHAT!?!?! A CARVED WOODEN OM?!?!?"

Well, he hadn't finished reading the sentence and thought I'd gotten a carving of the Other Man, when in reality it's an Om... the symbol Om, in Tibetan Sanscrit!!!!

And here it is: Om

Had me rolling on the floor! I pictured this wooden carving of a little man, and perhaps throwing darts at it! LOL!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Had me rolling on the floor! I pictured this wooden carving of a little man, and perhaps throwing darts at it! LOL!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL! He had me thinking of this HUGE bonfire... roasting bbq over a burning OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Suz <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SC:

Okay, you've got me on a roll:

"And here it is: Om"

Hm... ...looks a little bit like the artist formerly known as "Prints" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-Qfwfq