3,

My posts were not helping.

Edit!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ April 21, 2003, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Hey 3!

Sorry I haven't been around in a few days--H had long weekend and I swear we have just been going, going, going!
I'm sorry things aren't going so great for you right now–you know it's always worse around holidays.

Only 6 weeks`til the deadline. You can do it girl! Like I've told you before, regardless of how this pans out, YOU will be OK!

OK MISS M , I am not tollerating you editing post ALL your post HELP ME LOL ( I am a tough girl today see I am yelling at you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> LOL )

NO kidding around , please do not feel that way , you have no idea of how much you say that makes me think clearer , OK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now ,, Yes he got home at 11:10 pm that is a break through LOL .

Ok here goes I was up folding those nasty things us women do laundry .

WELL he came in kiss hello , said, I'll be with you in a minute . Went to computer and looked up his fastasy leage svores for BASEBALL ( who's #1, can we say selfish)

So while he was doing that I sat down at table and said, NOTHING just looked at clock and stepped back , thinking about what I was feeling, thinking about what I would like to say and how bad I could RE-ACT right now .

Thinking about what he was doing at this momment , he was with OW , then comes home and the computer is the most important thing to him ,after the spending time with her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I start to think and am aware of my emotions and telling myself they are justified . I also started evaluating this , He knows what I want .

He knows how to push my buttons , he knows after seeing her I want his attention , and he is doing evrything oppisit of what I want or need for him to do . HHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Then keeps saying be with you in a minute , I said, nothing . 45 min later he gets off computer , then goes in to make peanut butter and jelly and is talking about peanutbutter and soreading it and if JAM is better then jelly .

Well as he is eating in other room mind you , I start to laugh my a$$ off , I see him smiling out of the corner of my eye .

It dawned on me that he knows how to push my buttons , He knows I was wanting him to explain why he said, when he told me he wasn't going to .
He knows I want to know what they talked about .

And he was waiting to see how long it would take me to fight or say well when you going to explain yourself ?

Then he really digs in , smileing making comments wow I bet your blood is boiling now, When you gonna cave , whens the bomb , he was intising me .

So then he finishs eating and says ok you comein to bed ?
He was workin me big time .
Well I needed to make a decision , do or don't ?

I know you all are saying don't do it go to bed .LOL

Well I got upstairs and sat down lite a cigerette and looked at him he smiled .

I decided I am an adult I have feelings and I can speak my mind .
YES I think this is what he wanted me to fight so something in his mind tells him if we fight he feels better about being with OW . Thats why he does this sometimes .

Well I did not raise my vioce , I said, well how was your evening? , He said, here we go I knew you wanted to start with me just a matter of time with you . I looked back and said, yes you did know this you know me well that is because of all we shared through the years together.

And I know you as well , and you wanted me to ask you want to fight so you feel better about yourself , so that you can blame me for your CHOICES . Well I am not here to fight , but I will not let you think that you can manipulate me in to thinking you can come and go with out having to explain yourself to me YOUR WIFE ,
Now if me opening my mouth makes you feel as if you WON some chilish game then ok you WIN . I know that means alot to you to WIN in everything you do .

But you see in reality witch you have not lived in yet I am the winner no matter what the out come .

If you D me then I will be better off without you .
If you stay you will never be truely happy if you don't have what and who you want 100% .so you loose anyway .

Me well I still have family , freinds , children ,dignity that I did all I could .
Pride on no stone unturened and if your with OW in the long run well She will always be second .

Second Wife , second to KIDS and the one who never knew the trueth . A relationship built on lies .
You see winning is all how you view it , like being rich . A man with 1million can be so unhappy cause all he has is money .
A man with no money , but the love a good women and respect of his family is truely RICH .

GEE what are you , you don't have 1 million and pretty soon you won't have the love a good women and you deffinately will not be respected by anyone for your choices .

Well you lokkin like your on welfare , eatin out of garbage cans ,,,,,,,,,But don't worry you WON !! and thats all that counts , by the way what was it that you WON again , Oh yes you managed to win the loose of your wife , chidren , family , freinds and umliation . For the OW well I hope you will be very happy together .

Good- night !
I kmow more each day that goes by he wants me to call her , so he feels justified in leaving , cause that is the way he will go I am sure of it .

I am thinking , when someone knows how to push your buttons what would happen if you removed the BUTTON . ?

So I am taking the high road , I will not call her thats right you heard me No CALL ,

She will have to live in that lie , why should I give a crap for her ?, why should I help her get closer . ?
No June 1 I will get rid of him and I will not really make that call .

They need to live this out , on there lies .

Got to go , and if my predictions and gut is right I think him and her are going to start pushing harder now , he is going to start seeing her alot instead of less , cause I think the JUNE 1 he turned into a dead line to push me to make the call now so I think he is telling her hang in there everything will be ok by the summer time .

Just a feeling , cause I don't think he is coming out of FOG at all and I feel HE wants to do something and she ain't buging but he knows JUNE 1 I will .

This just makes my blood boil. He has the NERVE to act SMUG about everything?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I wonder how he would feel if YOU started going off on overnights?! GRRRRRRRRRRR! What a D!CK!!!

Boy I am p!$$ed--if my H had the nerve to do the $h!t yours is doing...

I think I would've called her right then, right in front of him, and told her the date he moved back in, how he talks about her, and everything about the situation that she doesn't know. Then I'd say "He's right here if you'd like to speak to him".

Damn cakemen.

WIll post more in a few--I'm seriously p!$$ed right now.

Boy, he's lucky he's not married to me. You have the patience of a saint.

OK. I'm more calm now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Here's what I think. He thinks he can predict your every move. He knows how to push your buttons. I think it's time to flip it around. Be indifferent--don't let him antagonize you. Don't let him push your buttons and get you started so he can imagine that it's your fault. He wants to be the poor, pitiful, mistreated husband whose wife jumps down his throat at every opportunity. He wants to justify his behavior in his mind. Don't give him grounds to do so. If you are not going to call his bluff and make the call, then you really need to do a good plan A for the next 6 weeks. I don't mean to love on him when he comes home from being with OW (ewwww)--I mean don't let him bait you into LB'ing. Don't give him the "justification" he is looking for.

3,

What IF you removed the button? It can be done. You are recognizing the button. This is the first step to removing the button.

It is so obvious in your post that you see exactly what is going on. You recogized the pattern. Great! Now you can remove the button.

You had your say, not yelling. Now step back and observe. I know it hurts. Try not to react in front of WS right now. Just go about your business and don't LB.

Personally I would have stepped back from the conversation after WS reaction to your "how was your evening."

I would not respond in any way to what WS said.
I would have been silent and said Goodnight. You know what's going on and don't need the details everytime. It's obvious. But who knows what WS would have done at that. Nevermind. I am speculating.

Sounds like you are on your way to getting some control over those emotions.

Recognize. Observe. And then make a healthy choice. Who wants to fight anyway? I know you don't and you are trying not to. Don't make it easy for WS to make you look like the bad girl. You are the GOOD girl here. So, BE the good girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry WS is hurting you so much right now. Will continue to pray.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

WOW some of you vent better here then I do LOL

LUVBIRD belive me I am no saint , I got a temper that could help flush out sadamm LOL

AND he knows it , I was a very kick [censored] type off teen and adult .
I have learned that my see VERY RED RAGE can't take over me at this time , or I really am serious about the BAIL MONEY .

My freinds and family where very worried about that when they knew 2 yrs ago . They would hunt me down if I ever took off never knowing what I would do .

I have learned to control or should I say do what I did for years now BOTTLE it up witch is the worst type of person cause when the CORK POPS it will never go back on right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yes I agree he can push the buttons that is what I was talking about , I couldn't agree with you more I will move those buttons and drive him crazy trying to find them .
See I need to compose myself and buckle up , for a day or 2 he will think I can't make it thru him pushing me , then he will be more smug , then he will push it by telling me I am a baby playing games and will say things like ok I don't loose .

He will make it a game , me I will sit back and wait to POP JUNE 1 .

watch this around MAY 25th ( just picking , he will start to sweat and cry & beg ) asking me please wait alittle longer I promise she will go away , your not going to do anything to hurt US on JUNE 1st , please don't BLA BLA BLA

Cause I know he don't like it when I set a perment dead line .

I did that when he begged to come home he said, JAN 30th I said , what ever but the door closes the day it all began ( FEB 14th day we got married ) On JAN 29th he was a crying fool , begging in front of kids and calling me every hour on the hour .

Watch I think this will send him packing or out of FOG but at least he will get off the FENCE he says that he is not sitting on LOL

Can you imagine the brain dead crap that comes out of his mouth it is funny sometimes .

Ok good news (a lie probbly ) BUT the gold digging , manipulating , $lut has not called today . LOL one day ha ha ha . this is to see if I'll fight with him any way , so he can say we talk about this all the time . NO my lips are sealed .

I am busy the next to days company caoming over MOTHER-IN- LAW coming in also .
So I am occupied .
Thanks for flipping out for me I felt better . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Keep it coming guys I need the push I came this far I am not done yet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEY MISS M I was posting while you where , I just read and you can see we are on same leavel LOL

YES you arew perferct on the mark , the right speculation , I should have said, good night and pushed his button back . I had to have my say though , LOL I will get it 100% starting today .

SIT back and watch the next six weeks , I am ready to work all I know I feel it .

No set backs from this moment on , don't have any time for set backs no matter how much they see or talk as long as it does not involve MY KIDS .

THANKS GUYS

3,

Sit back and observe, but, at the same time, be your sweet self. God knows your hearts desire. So be your SWEET self, and then, when June 1 comes, as you predict, if WS doesn't some out of fog, you know you will have done your best. Don't be provoked (ie. buttons) into playing that game. Dancing that same dance. Don't let those buttons make you the bad girl.

Remember, you are the good girl. ow is nothing to your life. Forget it for 5 weeks. Give her to God. Ask for God's will. In His time, not 3's time.

Plan A. Act like you would if all was ok. Button's gone. Read your post again!! You know. Make a conscious effort to be aware.

Keep stepping back. Acknowledge your feeling, just dont RE-ACT. You are doing great.

I repeat, don't listen to fogspeak. Let WS sweat. Step back. Be the humble, wonderful, fantastic person that you know you are.

You want calm, cool, smiles. So do it 3. It comes down when it comes down. I think you are starting to be aware, you are smart.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> GO 3 GO!!!!!!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ April 23, 2003, 09:17 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Personally I hope you don't "POP" at the end of May.

I hope by that time you are completely worn out from this constant disrespect and abuse that you simply don't care anymore.

The opposite of Love isn't Hate -- its indifference.

And I sincerely hope that you reach that level of not caring about what he does. Because I truly believe that he will not end this until he absolutely has to. And I also believe that you are right -- June 1st simply means he will try to renegotiate.

He's got you off his back until June 1st. When June comes, he'll simply come up with yet another plan to buy himself some time.

And you'll keep putting up with it. I don't believe that come June 1st anything will change.

Its not going to change until he's completely used up all of your lovebank. And unfortunately then it will be too late to save your marriage.

I wish you would use the power of the Marriage Builders programs. You're not using the plans.
Can you commit to doing this? There are lots of people that would be willing to coach you.

LEXXXY, I here you , and it also makes me feel you are veiwing me in a manner in witch I am not .

I am not saying I am offended , and that in reading my post you may get that imprestion that I am not following any MB plans , or don't understand consepetes.

I do understand then , I have tried to foolow and yes you are right and if I expressed myself I have stated that I did not commit to a PLAN A correctly from the beging .

YES , I have read PLAN B and understand it . I know what enabling is and understand it .

I have stated many times my reasons why I am not in PLAN B , they are not excuses just facts in my life at the moment and based upon the personality of this man I know .

I have asked him to leave ( it is in my posts)

I asked nicely , out of anger , and sternly .
I have even packed gis bags . I even put them out for him .
I am not going to PLAN B , by exposing A .
I have made that decision , I will do that when I have felt I have commited enough to PLAN A( witch I did not)

YES He will try to renigotiate JUNE 1 , I am and stated I am aware of that and prepard for that .

AND YES I may POP before then , but I am holding on to me . AND YES with no dought in my mind ,THINGS WILL CHANGE JUNE 1 .

I will inforce JUNE 1 as my dead line and then take every action nessecary to make him CHOOSE .
Although he states he has and it has been me .

His actions have not shown that , I know I am not stupid .

And no I do not feel he has gotten what he wanted , yes although he sees her , it is not the way he wants . It is not all comfortable and he is not some jolly old soul with 2 women .
DO I KNOW THAT YES I DO KMOW IT AND FEEL IT .

Do I feel disrepected? , yes most of the time . DO I also feel he has a problem , YES , do I want to love him and be there for him either way?
, YES.

Will there be anything left in me ,?
I honestly do not know , if there isn't well then I Guess there is no M to save and he will have to deal with that .

If you have anyother questions that are not stated in my post PLEASE ask me , I really do thank anyone with opoins , insight and even ones who yell . LOL

3,

Hi. Hope all is going well with guests, MIL over etc.

No you have not plan A'd well. However, I believe you are starting to try to do a Plan A at this point.

In the last convo you had with WS after Easter, sounded calm but kind of sarcastic.
I think you LB'd a bit because WS pushed your buttons.

Don't push WS buttons back. Just plan A. Is for you, kids, and your sanity, so hopefully you won't pop.

I think you are starting to get it. Please try to do a successful plan A for the remainder of the time you have set before you officially POP.

There have been people here that have asked you ? that you haven't answered. WAT and Orchid. What is up with that. Not meant in a disrespectful way. Just wondering.

People here are trying to help you. Me too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So what's up 3?

Did you read my last post? Am trying to validate what you have done that is good and trying to encourage you to do what is healthy for you.

I know you have asked WS to leave. I respect your decisions. However, there is such a thing as changing the locks, etc. You can take firmer measures, create firmer boundaries and do what is best for you , family and marriage.

Just MHO.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

HI, Miss M , I know some of my post are long and change from topis to topic so things could be missed.

I have answered all questions posted to me .

ORCHID did not ask any , she told me a different ave . she noticed to explore . I did re- read the post she suggested and saw what she was talking about . TOOK note of it and am trying to applie as she suggested .

NOT telling H 1000 and 1 ideas to leave OW .

WAT'S question have been answered also , some more then once .( LUVBIRD must be sick of hereing it )

DO my best again ( don't know how to do quote things )

WAT asked: What deoa H know about H family ?

OK mostly lies , THINKS most of them HATE me for YEARS (NOT TRUE AT ALL I have a very loving relationship with all VERY CLOSE )

KNOWS he has a brother and mom nieces and nephews . KNOWS his mom lives in PA , Brother close by my house . THinks H lives with brother in a house he is fixing for him for the past 14 mon , not with me .I am sorry Brother is suppose to live in house when work is done .

After exposing A firsrt time some of what he told her had to change cause I told her different .

So now H says HE is not that close to his mom , and brother doesn't want or have time to meet anyone . Aunts and UNCLES he tells her he does not see much anymore cause he don't care if he sees anyone .
Says all his freinds are mine to so he is not bothered with them any more .

WAT's question: ARE you still honoring his threat NOT to tell her anything or he'll D you?

Well you know the answer , yes I am not telling her YET . The why is not souly based apon a threat from him .BUT my own need to be ready for that closer , I don't want to call to help him make the decision , when I call I want it to be for my closer . I want him off the fence without hands on help from me .

IF anyone has ever gone through my post I have explained my H personaliy and I am not going to help him out of anything or make his decisions for him any more .

WAT'S question: Does his immedate family know whats going on ? NO , answered why in many other posts .

So if I missed any questions let me know .

I will try to answer them following each post , some times I am venting first thing .

I read everyones post to me and over again , I am listening to everything . I may not do it the exact way or I may not DO it yet .

I do love your encougement and support all of those who post .

AND MM please know like a child , I see you pointing out the good things I am saying , doing and my reactions . Sometimes even adults need to be validated . TU . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

AND by the way you can't change the locks it is legaly his house . He can come in unless court ordered , legal separation or D .

I HAVE LOCKED HIM OUT AND HE FORGOT KEYS , If he don't break door down he 'll go through window .
Been there done that . To much of a seen for children .

Also they will see how much DAD wants to be in and MOM is pushing him out . SEE he keeps on FIRMLY stateing and SHOWING if I am suppose to look at action that the one thing he is not going to do is leave here .

He swares by the fact that he will never leave and that we will get through this and things will be done with HER .And that HE has and always will only love ME for the rest of our lives .

This has never changed , HIs goal is to be with his family not to have 2 women and is not having an A (PA) . This is a mistake he made when he was out of house , do to our M going BAD and he will fix it and wants to know I can stand by him in HIS time of need .

Thats the staements . DON'T 2x4 the messanger I am only saying what he says .

Got to go real kids woke up and want to snuggle in bed with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

3,

Thanks for all the answers. Never really knew the whole situation. I know you posted first in JFO, and I never went back to read those posts and understood your whole situation and history.

Thank you for a much clearer picture. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Understand about changing locks. I know you want to protect your children from as much turmoil as possible.

Man what a tough situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> You are doing a much better plan A than a few weeks ago.

Try to stick to no more fighting. And removing those buttons that your spouse knows so well how to push. And NOT pushing his buttons in return.
I have to say your WS smugness really got to me and that is why I edited those posts. It really wasn't helping you.

I want so much to encourage you and not react and say angry things that are NOT going to help you.
I know what it is like to have things in your face. So many times I had to keep silent. So many times I had to gently avoid my FWS because of my anger. So many times I had to turn it around and be really good about fulfilling FWS EN's after he had been with ow.

Like I said before, you know WS better than anyone else. You know what to do 3. It's all that LBing you have had the trouble with. You are doing much better in that regard <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Better to vent here than at WS.

Are you praying? Do you have a bible to read? I do have scriptures for you. I love Psalms because there are a lot of prayers in there that are calls for help in times of need. Psalm 31 is very good. Also Psalm 32. Psalm 92. And Psalm 37 is great, and 38, And 39. There is a start.

If you read nothing else read psalm 37.

If you don't have a bible, I can at least post Psalm 37. There is some great comfort there. The reason I say read your Bible, is that God taught me how to plan A before I ever had computer of my own or found MB. I found MB a year after A was over. MB has helped me realize I wasn't crazy for having feelings that I did. Validated me.

Praying for you 3, you are really trying and doing better. Keep it up. Go 3!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Well got a full day ahead freind coming over , then shopping and mother-in law rest of day .
H & I plan to do coffee tonight with freinds MOM baby sitting .

Also real quik about last night , went to SLEEP REALLY asleep

At 11pm H came home and I did not even know until I felt something touch me I woke up screamimg thing someone broke in .

He immedately calmed me daown held me as I fell back asleep I woke and heard him on COMPUTER them he came up and I was half asleep said, like that after he watched tv . HE rolled over and was whispering to me I really was half asleep .(so tiered)

I rember I love you, you are a saint , I don't diserve you and something like but thats why In will not let you go . I know he held me all night and I never spoke a word .

I never asked any thing .

Well got to go , freind here love the advice and encourage ment .

POst later if can if not I know I did great last night and this morning .

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> you are a saint , I don't deserve you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, at least he told the truth about SOMETHING! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You did great last night! Keep it up girl!

3,

You are doing great! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep up the good work.

Hope your week goes well. Let us know.

Still praying for you and yours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Went out shopping with WS last night and then coffee with friends , I'll tell ya sometimes I feel like I know I am there but not really there .
I feel like an outsider , I feel like I see this normal man talking to people about our future and our family and I sit there saying to mtself are you for real buddy ?

You sick bastered , do you want to tell people what life in our house is really like .

I am having a bad day , over load , things to do and not wanting to move again .

Party tomorrow , my nieces communion . (happy event I know )

But you know today is friday , he knows he will see her tonight but no deniey it and oretend he don't know then call at last min. and say she just called and your going there .

In the mean time , If you don't know and things aren't planned then why can't I make plans to do things I need to get done tonight and know you will be home for me and kids so I can do my running around . ?

He already knows I have things to do , but he will go with her anyway , ( I know if I know it then be prepared for it )

I got a head ache and I want nothing more then kids to stop fighting and me to go to bed .

Tome for the PMS again it seems to come so fast , i got doctor appt . in JUNE (gyn) to talk to her about this PMS , I just get it to BAD .

I will tell ya this much I am glad JUNE1st. will fall some where during that time , its when I see RED the best .

I am big time depressed and angry and cranky and most of all vent vent vent I am whinny .

The human person is amazing you can see all your emotions and know things and still want to do what you know is not right , want to re-act to all that is built up inside of you .

I just want him to ADMIT it I want him to say it , I want to here him have to say the words out LOUD to me ,

OW IS MORE IMPORTANT, I WANT TO SEE HER, SHE MAKES ME HAPPY , I AM HAVEING AN AFFAIR , I GAVE HER THESE SCHEDULED NIGHTS , I AM LYING AND HAVE BEEN ALL THIS TIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want the actions I want him to say IT OUT LOUD .

Even 2 years ago when he was gone , that was my goal , I knew , his actions screamed A .

BUT I WANTED TO HERE IT , I WANTED HIM TO LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND HAVE TO BE A MAN AND ADMIT IT .

It took me the time he was home to the time I got him out alittle over a year to finnally have to SAY IT OUT LOUD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I can't tell you the satisfaction it was when I heard it , it was a new breath new life I felt HURT and WONDERFUL all at the same time.

I felt justified I felt right then and there all my pain was agnoliged . WEIRD RIGHT?

can't really express it , explain it the right way but the trueth out of his mouth was All I ever need to just go on .

THIS I know is my VERY LARGE problem .
Something in side me to here it out of his mouth .

example : If I saw him with my OWN two EYES screwing her , I could not be satisfied with "ok now you know " I would need , "ok I am sleeping with her cause I want to she is what I want or I love her not an explanation cause there is none JUST the facts out of HIS MOUTH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would not be in denieal if I saw it with my own 2 eyes or say that he would be able to convince me I didn't see it or tell me its not what it looks like .

I would not belive that , BUT still would not be satisfied without him admitting it .

Oh GOD I am going crazy , THIS is a part of my self I ahve the hardeat time dealing with , cause I have to HEAR IT !!!!!!!!! not see it !!!!!!!!

I am struggling with what happens if he never says it !!!!!!!!!

I can't STOP until he does , I know me .

I WON'T BE SATISFIED HEARING IT FROM HER , OR LOOKING AT HIS ACTIONS I NEED TO HEAR IT FROM HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

This has always been my problem and I can not changr this one thats what makes me fail in what plan I ever do .

I want so much to drive him away , what is that about ? I want to push him in to her arms in hope for the trueth to come out .

OH forget this I am in a bad mood and do not see it getting any better today , the day is doomed I am off to a bad start .

His face , tone in his voice , everything is amking me sick today I just want him hamr to spit on him and then let him go see her ,

Just stop home real quik so I can spit on him then get back in his car and go be with the CUN*.

see ya later all , just a vent and LB here . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

WHEN WILL I HAVE NO MORE ?

WHEN WILL THESE FEELING JUST FADE , ?
WHEN WILL I NOT CARE ?