Ok hear goes the good things (now thats a change )

OK I told you since MOTHERS DAY I have stepped back , I posted about the card he made for me and what it said.

MON. posted he saw OW for about 15 min. stoped by for her to yell about something .
THEN we had a good night , talk (no R OR OW)

Tues. POSTED he went there (KB night told you the only thing I said, to him about that )
ALL in ALL thoghgh good talks on phone all day and NO talk that night when he came home .
HE came to bed and held me all night kissing me and saying sorry and I LOVE YOU IN my ear .

WEND .- morning I woke up to a letter on the side of my bed .
NOW under stand my WS is not much of a writer , he don't get in to the letter writing or reading thing . THERE as been a hand ful over the years and all is when he really needed me to hold strong for him ( just the back round no excuses I am making for him)

WELL the letter is a page long , not posting it .

IT was amazing though , this is the man I married every word of it . HE was remorseful (in the letter) loving , and wrote alot about me being the strainght of this RELATIONSHIP .
I cried my a$$ off .

2 resaons of course cause I want to belive him , this is the person I have been looking for to come back . THE man I fell in love with the one who sees the things I do the one who ADMIRES me .

AND the second resaon is , if this is so why is OW still here ?

ANY way , I went into the shower to thank him for the letter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
after that I fixed the coffee , wrote my I love you sent him to work .
HE called several times in day to chat & asked me to but advance tickets for a movie Me and the kids want to see (MATRIX ) for thurs. night he said, I am getting off work early tomorrow to go (4;30 tickets) he would have to leave at least 3pm.

THEN he shows up at 5;15pm last night calls from radio says come to the front door .I go there and wait about 5 min he pulls up with KFC for dinner .I have been talking about that for 2 yaers since they built it by the house (he don't like it much and kids are allergic so we never get it ) BUT I LOVE IT .

I kissed him hello and said, wow this is early ,( see with traffic at that time he had to leave work at 3;30 or 3;45 the latest . ALSO he stopped at the drug store and bought everything he new we needed ( I was going to go at night when he came home )

WE ate dinner and then I did my stuff to prepare for next day he went on the PC and asked if I minded first I said, no go ahead .
After kids up stairs , HE then again suprises me with a movie that he got a copy of that I wanted to see . We watched tv and cuddled (NO TALK OF OW EXCEPT HE SAID, she didn't call today )

I hugged him and kissed him thanking him for letter again and the suprise of dinner he said, I told you in the letter I am hurt that I don't put a smile on your face like I was always able to do , so I will be doing it again &again basicly for the rest of our lives till death do us part .

NOW those are the great or good things I don't post every day .

BUT wait , WHATS going on ?

I want to enjoy this , I want it to be real , this use to be real . IT is me and him the way we fell in love , so now I am feeling good , happy ok .

NOW I know fri. he will see her I just know that .

I know we will have a great time tonight , but is all this fake .

IS he useing what he knows , to get to JUNE 1 and ask for more time ? not saying anything till then and then I stick to it and he throughs it in my face how great things are and I need to belive in him . ?

JUNE 1 will be the worst if we are getting along , this is why I think I sabatoge my own PLAN A sometimes . CAUSE I can't get rid of him when I see THE man I love is still in there .

I don't want to bring it up (JUNE 1 )but I know I will .

I would like to say something one fri.
LET ME run it by you guys tell me if LB or not ?

WHEN he call to sayhe is seeing OW :
I am going to say:
I continue to not understand your choice to continue to see her , although you have explained it to me several times It is still upsetting to me and hurts me very much .
We are getting along very well and I love you very much , that is why I am more hurt knowing that you are aware of knowing what you stand to loose come JUNE 1 .

YOU may see things differently , thinking we are getting along so whats the problem alittle longer we can get through this .

BUT unfortunately the better we get along the more I know that if there was N/C we can put all the pain in the past and have a new and stronger M and that is what I choose to have not a part time M based apon secrets and lies .

BUT for now it is still your choice to make , mine is in JUNE and bith OF us know the choice I will make no matter the pain it may cause , because no matter what it is less painfull then being disrespected in ths manner .

OK please this is a rough go around but I feel compeled to say something again I never want him to think he will pull the wool over my eyes .

I am satisfied with the changes that take place in him and in turn it helps me become a happier person , but I am not here for him to be useing those feelings of LOVE as a tool to manipulate me .

And although I won't tell him I do belive he is sincere .

COMMENTS

3,

WS knows about June deadline right?

IMVHO do not have any ow or r talk with your WS right now. Plan A is working for you right now. I would keep it that way and not mention your deadline or all that WS is going to lose. I think he knows that.

Don't speculate as to what WS is thinking. Don't speculate as to what is going on with him. It is still the fog as far as ow is concerned. She is LBing in a big way. DON'T GO THERE. ow is threatening WS job, etc.

Your job is to not put any stress whatsoever on WS. You are doing great. Don't mess that up. As the Bible says ' be wise as a snake and innocent as a dove.' Just keep doing what you are doing and post here if you need to vent or talk about how you are feeling, what you are wondering about etc.

There were many times when I was completely aware of contact, etc. The voicemail messages from ow were a wealth of information. I never let on I knew. I would just be nice, nice, nice. I would leave WS messages about how wonderful, nice, a great and talented guy he was, how I knew he was having a rough time and that I loved him, etc. Then I would go through my own agony, but I kept it to myself and went thru it when WS wasn't there. Then I would be nice nice nice when I saw him.

No pressure right now 3, you are doing a good plan A this week. Keep it up.

Decide what your boundaries are and what your plan is come June. WS knows. I think you have made that abundantly clear to him. Your job is to try to not have any more incidents like last week.

You only have 3 weeks, make them as wonderful as possible and then you know you have done great, and WS will know you are good.

Even if you do plan B, you can still be nice when you see him. It's about the changes you are making in yourself 3. You need to make those changes, and you are doing pretty good right now.

I encourage you to keep doing what you have been doing, no LB's right now. IMVHO that is the most important thing right now.

Remember, step back, and when you are feeling bad about yourself, say 'stop the bad, I am worthy, I am worthy.'

Have to go to work soon. H is out of town until late Friday night and I have to take the bus and leave early. Will check up on things tonight.

Praying for your self control.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

3,

One more thing. We are all abundantly aware that if there were NC with ow things would be much better and you would be able to get past the pain.

But you can't make WS go into no contact. I understand you 3, that you feel COMPELLED to say something. I did that a lot in the past. It did NOT help. It just made things worse. Just try to stifle that right now. I know it is hard. It has all been said and done before now.

WS has to come to his own conclusions, decisions. IMVHO you being nice to WS will help him along.

Like I said, no more ammunition to keep the A going on. Your WS is not stupid. He knows your deadline. Reminding him right now will not help your cause.

Praying for your SELF CONTROL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hey 3--

I ran across a quote I thought you might enjoy--

"I have NO sympathy for people who want to play both sides of the fence and then have the gall to whine how much it *huuuuurrts* (and how hard done by they are) when they get a picket SHOVED UP THEIR [censored]."
-- Nataliep (not from here--came from another site)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Think I would offend anyone if I made that my new sig? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It's horrible having your life balance in what someone else is choosing to do (or not do) and that you ahve no control over it.

I knew that my H had to make the choice to break it off with her on his own or it wouldn't be real.

The positives (and there are quite a few),
He is being honest with you
He is showing more love
He is helping around the house
And many, many more

I know you're better at not LBing, but how are you in filling his LoveBank? Fulfilling his ENs? I know, the last thing you want to do. But make such a comfortable, peaceful, loving nest he will not want to leave, no matter what she says.

Talk gently with him about the hold he has over him and ask if there is anything you can do to help?

Treat him more like a friend.

Thats my .02 advice, for what it's worth.

You are doing a great job. And this is not about you...this is about the sick relationship he's gotten himself into and their selfish needs. You are adorable, and he knows it, but is in a fog now and feels bad but is trying to fight back feeling bad...

GOOD morning my little support group <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

DAY yesterday was ok , did the movie thing and dinner then veged at hame by 9pm .

LET me see , am I forfilling his EN ? HHHHHHHMMMMMMMMM, I think so LOL
HE tells me when asked there is nothing more to give him except understanding to this situation , trusting him that this is not a lie and as sick as some of it sounds he is being truethful about everything that is going on with OW .

TOUGH nut to crack , I do for him , I hold him, I listen to him about all his intersts and job related issues (alot of work problem right now )
I give advice on all when asked and listen if thats all he needs . All the other normal stuff , THE kids are an issue , my children have always been loud and a bit on the wild side and parenting is somethimg he use to run from , always feels at a loss .

HE has gotten better with particapating though .

THERES nothing wrong with my kids , I have had them checked and they are kids , demanding , want attention to much attention , and want to except no rules (lol my doctor said, what did you think parenting was easy ?) he is very funny man , write alot of books on behavior and evern after my H &I separated spoke with my kids , HE told me I am doing a wonderful job of explaining and being there and they are great at honesty and expressing there feelings <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

THEY just are the type of children who test the limits and they need to be put in there place .

BOTH parents need to be one on disapline , so now ws & I are on more same page .

Although this is the part that H still is unhappy with at home is the fact that my kids reqiure alot of work !

THAT is something I can't take care of for him , and thats tough he is a parent can't run from the work , and if ya do well thats his problem .

SO I am going to post another question in this place , I am sure I won't get many responses but will give it a try .

SHMI, it is about something you said, about BACKWARD , IS there WS who worked backward , try to be home and work on M first , then go N/C ?

Maybe its a security issue , He wants to know all will be ok , and then give up OW . Sounds dumb there are no garenties in life , and I have told him that , but maybe he in his head thinks there should be before he gives her up totally .

BUT he will continue to say he has given her up along time ago , he is just protecting a lie not to hurt her further .

HEY who knows , he has done strang things in the past in weird ways , I never agreed , but he does them in a sick order to prove something to himself .

OW called yesterday , he said , he just told her I am real bussy and I can't talk now . SHE hung up on him and he did not here back from her .

I am sure I will post today that they will see one another , I haven't been wrong about a fri. night yet in MONTHS ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

EVERY week I pray , I will be just once .LOL

BUT never do I get the hopes up to high . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

3,

There's a great Christian website I would like you to check out. I am not computer savvy enough to post a link. But here it is.

intouch.org

Click on Today's Devotional

Click on underlined bible verse.

That will get you to a great search engine that has the whole bible in whatever version you would like.

Yesterday's devotional was about Psalm 37 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> which I quoted you in full earlier on.

I love Charles Stanley. I felt like he was sent from God when my H was in his A. I listened to him everyday on radio and watched him on TV on Sundays. And no he is not on TBN, not my idea of a good Christian TV network.

Just FYI. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Since you are not in counseling or on any anti-D's, a good dose of God wouldn't hurt, now would it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Praying for you and yours 3,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

HEY , MM thanks for sight I will be on there tonight when kids go to sleep , cause I will have that wonderful thing called "ALONE TIME"

YES , I got my call ,GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR

I held up well, considering this one is a wopper !
What you guys didn't think it could get more bizzsre with excuses . LOL

WELL OW calls , ya see I think I mentioned she is being audited (IRS) YA OK ! she makes $7 an hour in a meat store and the IRS singled her OUT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

ANy who I have been waiting for this one (its been in there pocket for 2 months >.
OK she needs to TALK to him tonight (SEE HIM) about the details of the sittuation , needs a ride , WHEN YOU ASK , on the weekend (wow I am suprised NOT )

So I said, no big deal I am sure it won't take to long . LOL
OF course I am wrong , WS says well you know her once I am with her Its an all day or night thing considering she thinks I have nothing to do or anyone to see .

SHE needs a ride to UNCLES house to pick up some kind of papers and then asked if he would take her to IRS on either MON. or TUES he said, no to that (for now) cause he been taking off work way to much , I mean once a week in APRIL alone for court for her .

VERY interestng OW mentioned calling me if he don't do it , Or if he has a problem she will call me to see if its because he lives at home .

I said , ok so go in the morning tell her you need to pick up your kids after that and thats it . WOW for some weird reason , she probbly wants to go late afternoon . (amazing ) so then he can stay the rest of night . ( I did not say that no LB )

THIS is getting more amusing then, hurt full .

THE things they expect me to swollow , this is to funny , I mean isn't easier to say I want a night out with my mistress . LOL

OH the trueth is some where in all this trash .
I just know he knows I can deal with the trueth , so thats the reason I don't get 100 % honesty .

Unless he is just so confused , or maybe he has a brain tumor , I did make him go for Cat scan (his farther died of brain timor )

NOTHING there , I mean EMPTY LOL I know bad joke , but you got to see the humor in all this .

I did have to ask him as i was laughing , if he expected me to belive this , he looked at me in the eyes (he stopped home to get something ) and said, absolutly , very seriuos .

I said, sorry for laughing , he said, you still don't get what a FU--ed up life she has and the $hit I am dealing with , this is why this thing with OW went on so long I keep getting dragged in more and more , her life just takes more turns for the worst .

If something would just start going good for her or she would meet someone new , I could get out of this .

I kissed him at that moment and said, got to go D is getting out of school , by the way you look really good in that new shirt and and I really love seeing you in mid morning it makes me ahve a better day just to get to kiss ya again this morning .

HE looked at me really weird , really and I drove away .
HE called about 2 blocks away and said, are you Ok , I said, what do you mean , well did you here a word I said, to you , I said, yes I went for a hearing test 6 months ago LOL .

HE said, ok I lOVE YOU VEY MUCH , I said, I kNOW YOU do , you just have a hard time with making me happy ,,GOT TO JET NOW LOVE .

I hung up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> OK I LB alittle being sarcastic but hey you got to admit , he is bringing out my sence of humor .

SO yell , LOLOL , comments , 2x4"S anything .

PLEASE tell me ya had a little chuckle even if it is at my exspense , its funny in a sick way . BUT the real HUMOR in it all Is the week end of JUNE 1 I am going to be PMS MBIG TIME NOW that is funny and so sad for him at the same time , BUT at least I figured out where my energy will come from then . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm so sorry. You called it, and I'm sorry to see you were right.

I see some hope though...he called to find out if you were all right. Keep up the complements, they seem to be helping/working.

Glad you see some humor in it. You can either laugh or cry.

Home situation...I heard recently, and have found this to be true, a man likes a peaceful home. Find some way to give the kids a quiet activity, send them outside, go to a park so they can run and play and you guys can sit in the car and cuddle...

This is a very dependent OW and she will only get worse. He doesn't see this, but she will ALWAYS have chaos in her life. She knows thats what draws him (and she thrives on chaos too) so she will always have it in her life. I'll bet she knows he is about to leave when things are calmer, so she will invent things to draw him back. He is a sucker for being a hero.

How do you handle emergencies? Are you the strong one? Do you ever let him handle them? Are you a damsel in distress?

Have you ever gently pointed out that her life will ALWAYS be chaos? (some people are like that) and she uses it to manipulate him. I'll bet he'll hate thinking he is being played.

3,

Send the OW a monthly bus pass. Anymore time or $$ spent on that tramp is considered enabling.... in fact even the bus pass is enabling but at least she can't accuse you of NOT helping! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Then either of you don't have to help her again. Let her know her next calls for a ride will be given to the police (then change your phone numbers and get an RO).

Why? Someone is playing someone for a sVcker!

L.

Its funny that you mentioned how would he feel about himself if he figured out he was being manipulated ?

SHORT story , about oh 2 weeks ago or so , I meantioned to him about one of our BEST FREINDS (male ) He does everything for his W and does nothing with out permition , through the years it became an oungoing joke , If you ask him something we then stop and say I am sorry let us ask your boss , my girlfriend then says yes what would you like to know .LOL

Any way it really always got to him he said, I would never be such an a$$ kiss or jump throuhg hoops for anyone thats not a man .

So a couple of weeks ago I don't know OW called or something and he triped running to go outside and take call , when he came in I said, WOW YOU MAKE X (our friend ) look like a mocho man compared to the hold this manipulating girl has over you . LOL

HE was so angry , he looked at me and said, no one makes me jump through hoops , I said, I am sorry I thought you told me YOU didn't want to be with her , that its her doing this .

HE stood there and said, you know what I mean , I said yes if OW is dictating the situation that makes you an a$$ kiss .

YOUR right , thank goodness no one knows about this or you would be the one they call WHIPPED , by a women .

THAT next day was one of the times he stoppped there and her friends where outside and she started cursing , he gave her the fingure and drove away ( not seeing her )

FUNNY how sometimes things bite you in the a$$ !

Thanks for the response , weekends are slow and I know I will be here long tonight although we spoke a min. ago and he said, he will be home at a good time .

FRIDAYS useualy go from 1 am to 9am next day .

BUT yet still swares theres no emtional or phisycal going. LOL

and it will be N/C bla bla bla

well MM gave me some things to read tonight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

so I will be on and off here also . POST later .

HEY ORCHID , I must have been posting at same time . YES I here you , I have tried to explain this to him a while ago pointed out also that she was surving before he came around.

You know this ws and ow have cost me 20,ooo the first time . yes you heard me right . When he was out and wanted to come home he charge over 20 big ones to get her settled in an apartment , thinking once he did that he helped her get her life on track he would not feel guilty anymore .

That was another reason , she flipped out when he left , alot of people told her he did all of the , furniture cloths ECT. and left thinking he could feel better about himself . and that was true , but he isn't telling her that part .

Yes , if I do flip out in JUNE I was thinking of all those things a roll of qaurters for the bus , a metro card for the subway and if he leaves me I am considering giving her my car , and letting her know she is in more then me of it . LOL

LIKE your way of thinking . LOL

So any way last call before he left for OW 's visit went fine no LB at all . The week is almost out and I have handled myself well , I would say even with a couple of comments here and there got them off with very little sarcastic tone and that was good .

SEE ya all ...

3.

Well, you are making your choices, and I respect that, but I have to agree with Orchid.

Thing is, you can't make WS do what you want him to. He has to decide that.

He must make ok money if he can afford to support both of you. I think it is total bs and I don't mean betrayed spouse.

3, don't return evil for evil. It's not going to make you feel any better girl.

Don't use PMS as an excuse to LB. Acknowledge that that is what is making you more emotional and step back from it. I know you are sick of hearing that. I used to have it , and when I realized that was what was making me more emotional it made it easier to control myself because I understood why.

Anyway, I am rambling. I hope you get something out of that web site I gave you.

Just got off a 10 hour shift.

By the way, if BS was music, your WS would be a brass band. LOL.

Sorry, always trying not to say anything bad about WS, but man, this guy is something else. ow is drama and it will never end. Always something.

Anyway, you are doing good if WS called and asked if you were okay. I am sure he was expecting LB. You are doing great! That sense of humor of yours is a bit of the fogspeak back to him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Keep it up girl, and recognize that PMS, and step back from it also. I'm sure it wouldn't be so bad if you were not under so much stress.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

JUST , woke up kids never went to bed till after 12pm so not much reading done where i could sit and focuse now I am up and pissed off.

THIS is a vent , VENT VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS turkey is not home yet GGGGGRRRRRRRRR

I hate this part I hate the BS of I'll be home as soon as possiable honey Ilive you and am not happy unless I am with you !!!

THESE actions not matching the words and the excuses that come out with them are going to get him the biggest wake one night with a 2x4 he will be seeing tweety bird in his head for days to come .

THIS manipulating pr!ck , I mean I stared thinking why aren't they going to pick up the papers tonight ?

IF all there doing is sitting around then why not be productive , ?

THIS just pisses me off to think he is giving me , ME of all people the smoke and mirrior act <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

HE knows I can see right through this $hit , I can rip holes in these stories , it does not take albert einstien !!!!!!

THIS is way to stupid , no wonder no one else really post to me , they got to be sitting there saying this is the stupidest post around and the dumbest BS they ever saw !!!

IT is amazing I have the 3 or 4 of you all still posting . AND the PMS I am saying it is a good thing i am going to need all the fight in me to get him out in JUNE CUASE look who is anyone kidding this BOY is not leaving when asked !!!

I was in recovery before and KAT was VENTING and got to tell ya I could have jumped in there and really vented with her , BUT by time I would get done NO WS'S would be on the board .

AND another thing , MY WS is a piece of $HIT and i am not shore if I am giving $HIT a fair name at this point but , you know what gets my panties in a knot , people saying things like , WS suck but at lest mine is not a cakeeater .

WHO CARES aldultry is adultry a betrayal is just that there is no better infedlity then the other .

I can't belive this , IF I have to face the trueth it will be he is not in FOG , HE is a sick manipulating son of a B!TCH !!!!!!!!!

I am so angry I could really freak out , I need to get to bed before he comes in and for his sake he best pray I don't wake up . I am feeling real FUC-in pissed off right now .

I have been so good and damm him to let me down again , why just why I just want little shreads action for him to convince me he is telling me the trueth anything , coming home early tonight to prove it was to talk to her and leave .

COME home and say he thought about it on the way over there and took her for papers tonight and not seeing her this week end something .

SOME sign from him to say thanks for beliving in me , and I will give you reason to stand by me I am not lieing .

THIS is rediculas , I think this is the stupiest thread on MB .

I have to be the biggest [censored] known to man kind beliving in this bastered .

LISTEN MM I know you thought maybe you brought here to help me , AND I am thinking that to , but maybe its to help someone who is not so far gone as me .

I really think my situation is a waste of life and time and space H!LL it maybe a waste of words and air right now .

YOU know you never get the answer to death , in the long run you don't ever get to know WHY did the person die why them why now .
AND a preist said, to me THATS what is so hard about greiving cause the human just wants it to be an answer there is none its there time . THEY are with the lord , for what ever reason there job down here is done an dits there time for true happiness .

WELL the death thing I finnally excepted it , I don't like it but I am not going to get the anaswers on paper do you follow .

BUT greiving the A the M all this $HIT goes on for me cause , there is answers there , there INSIDE the WS and dam it I want then .

I want the frigin reason why ? WHY DID you do it ? why did you hurt me ? why do you continue ? WHAT could possiably be worth destroying some one ?

HOW can you live with lies in your life ? are you human ? are you a machine ? an ALIEN ?

WHY ? WHAT ? AND HOW ?

And no one dare tell me ask I have always getting some ring a round the rossy answer but never the trueth .

THE alst time I respected him IS 2 years ago after I called OW and she must have ripped him a new one , HE called and finnally said, if you want the trueth here it is I LOVE OW AND WANT TO MARRY HER !!!!!!!! Well thank GOD praise the lord he set me free right there I said, thats all I ever wanted now I will leave you and OW alone cuase I have what I set out to get the TRUETH !!

SHE was on the othere line made him call , so she could here all that he said .

THAT was what helped me move on the last time the trueth , I told everyone back then I will never get over it apst it or anything UNLESS I HERE IT FROM HIS MOUTH !!!!!!

I won't except actions he through my way until HE said, it to me point blank ..

YOU KNOW WHAT he did a month later begged to come home , said, OW forced him to say those things cause I called her and made her feel dirty she wanted me to know she was more then just some mistress she was the one .

AND he did it for her ! said, he had to cause I busted him in all the lies to her , so in order to not make her feel like she was a tramp he had to say those things to me ...

NOW I ask him to call her and do N/C for me if he loves me so much and wants his M , the same way he did for her the same way he cut me in the heart and he supposedly loved me , do it to her if you really don't have feelings for her .

NO NO NO , of corse not that can't happen , no cause this sick wacko of a WS I got really does LOVE this stupid B!TCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ok I told you I just woke up , and to boot I had a night mare , I feel like a little kid . BAD DREAMS !!!!!

ITS the same one most of the time both of them making love , laughing at me , living some where othere then where he told me and planning and plotting against me to leave in such away that they will suffer no reprocushions (spell check !)

OH amn I have lost my mined , what am I doing , why does getting the trueth matter so much to me , why does it drive me , how and why is it so very important to me .

NO I know you think the trueth is important to everyone but I mean I am sick , I won't stop I will be my worst nightmare , I will drive emyself over the edge for it .

I can't handle that he thinks it will end JUNE with some stupid $hit like no I won't leave or ok I'll Leave not cause I want to cause your forcing me out and you want it like that , not me .

NO NO NO this will not work for me I want my trueth , I want to be lokked in the eyes and told I want OW , I love OW , I don't love you and I want her , SHE is my life .

I want that closer and I will be relentless till I get it cause its there the trueth is there and its mone I am owed that .

I worked for it , I suffered for it , I am getting it and I will die teying HE!! I almost did the last time and I got to here it to move on . NOW although it was said, that was not what was meant and he twisted that a month later .

BUT I know it it was true look at him , no look at me I just told you all that and I am still sitting here how can I listen to myself anymore he loves this b!tch ,,,,,, what is the problem .OH god I am getting that exsplosive feeling to call OW house right now , see I am getting all crazy I just calld his phone 2 times this pr!ck is probbly sleeping , OH I hate this , he'll say you know when I sleep I can't get up !!!
OH GOD some times I wish that statement was true I wish he would never wake up .

NOW that would put a perfect ending to my sick sick story , HE dies in OW arms . OH yes AND I get to be the jerk to deliver that news to all .

OK I am freaking out I think I am having to breath in a bag or something , .

GOT to go , rember I am venting in hopes I don't commit murder ...... NOW a couple of years away would be vaction compared to the HE!! on earth that I am living , I should be ok with this by now its not like he don't do it all the time , I guess that the way he feels when I get mad , YOU SHOULD be use to it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

3,

Sorry you had such a rough night. As you said, you are PMSing and that makes it a lot harder to control yourself emotionally.

STOP THE BAD. You are worthy. I know you feel bad because you are in the never ending nightmare right now.

I hope you didn't flip out when and if WS got home. I hope you got it out when you vented here last night.

I hope you checked out that web site I gave you. I think it could be a lot of help to you 3.

Please recognize that you are PMSing and step back from your emotions.

I know you want to hear what you think is the truth from your WS. Like I have said before, you can't make anyone change or tell you what you want to hear.

You can only change yourself, how you react, or in this case DON'T REACT. You have set a deadline.
Sounds like you are coming to your limit to where you can't tolerate anymore.

What are you going to do in June? Are you going to fly into a million pieces? Or are you going to get control of your life. I would think that plan B would be a relief at this point. YOU don't have to put up with cake eating anymore.

If you go into B, don't LB. Be the lady. Don't confront ow. You want her out of your life? Just be the lady here 3. Show you are better and have class. Don't stoop to the level of psycho ow.

I wish I had more answers for you. What I do have for you is (((((((HUGS))))))), and a lot of prayers going up to the Lord for you 3.

Have to go to work. Will check back late tonite your time. Then I leave tomorrow to go with H to a gig several hundred miles away from Seattle.

So will check in on you Monday after that 3.

Peace 3, will have you in front of the Lord all day girl.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

oops, double post.

Must mean you need another hug. (((((((HUG)))))) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ May 17, 2003, 11:08 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Will post later need a long time for this one , OH yes just when you think it is stupid it gets even more ,,, well there are no words . after this weekend , I really think I have a true sense of giving up , I mean if he wants a M and I have anything left then fine , if not he can continue this rediculauos life and wake up all on his own .

I really can't put any more thought in to this , its to bizzare and I really do belive he just needs the time to crash and burn in his own ,

And for those of you who think he won't if I don't get rid of him , I think thats not true he is driving himself crazy .

BE back in an huor or so , got to go do the mom thing LOL

3,

I for one am not 'surprised' at much your WS does. He seems to throw those curve balls at you no matter what you do. LOL. Very difficult situation at best for you.

I know it's hard. Hang in there. Keep your sanity and keep stepping back and observing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ May 19, 2003, 10:03 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

THIS IS A VENT AND BRIEFING OF WEEKEND WITHOUT ALL DETAILS TO GOES LIKE THIS :

FRI. NIGHT INTO SAT MORNING RETURN HOME 5;25AM .
(NOT MUCH YELLING ONLY DISCUSE OF THE DISRESPECT )

SAT. PHONE CALL , MUST SLEEP OVER SO THEY CAN GET EARLY START FOR DRIVE TO PICK UP PAPER WORK .
(IRS THING YE RIGHT )

LEAVES SAT. 10PM SAYS BE HOME SUN AT NOON (TRY HIS BEST )OK

SUN. ARRIVAL 8PM GGGGGRRRRRRRRR

NOT TO MUCH OF A LB .........NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GIVE me a fuc''in break , this a$$ hole only sat. morning having a nice talk , trying to understand why he is doing for her in this manner and how much it will continue to hurt her and confuse her come june1 when he drops off face of the earth with N/C .

I am trying real hard to understand his need for her to not hurt but that need over shadowing mine is burning me up .

MAN I pray for the right thing to do , ,I keep hereing the voices inside that M is worth it , I feel he loves me , I want so much to belive in him but the way he streachs thing are freakin me out I mean I never in my life meet someone with so much baggage , and I am not a sheltered person .

NOW i get a call that she broke her sink and he needs to came fix it , landlord won't cause she cracked it , .... MY god where do they come up with this $hit , is there a book out there with :

THE worsed lies you can tell your spuose !!!

WHERE do I get one , my house is falling apart around us and nothing ,,, nothing can be done cause he is with her fixing $hit there .

THIS little piece of $hit , oh I can't even find the words anymore , and when I tell him get out he gets so pissed sometimes and says fine ,,,BUT don't call OW it has nothing to do with her that you don't want our M .

CAn you belive this MOTHER FU*^&*&^*&^ .

THEN I tell him fine as long as you leave and never speak to me again I won't hurt her .

THEN he calms down and says stop your $hit already I won't leave , I tell him please do , I am not going to stop letting you know you disrespect me and I am not going to sit back and be lied to and not call you on it . So you might as well go , so your life can be real quit .

THATS it if he don't leave tonight I go to other room and I will start PLAN B in home until JUNE 1 .

IGNORE IGNORE thats it I won't go anywhere as a family nothing . he can take the kids to play on his own and I will do the same .

I am sick and tired of not getting my way , you got it my giver is gone died burried done .

MY taker wants it all or nothing , I have had it with the GOOD girl $hit in my life doing the right thing , being moral, standing by people , giving to others , sacrifising myself .

BULL $HIT , you don't get any where in this life with out being down and out right B!@TCH!!!!!!!!!

ONE of my freinds use to say being a B!TCH is the way to be as a women , the worse you treat them the more you get , they kiss your a$$ .

NEVER let them off your leash , and don't let them have a life unless they give to you 100x's back what you gave them .

LET me tell ya , its starting to sound like great advice , her H never had an A , owns a bussiness now and she gets everything she wants at the drop of a hat and he still has to beg for SEX . LOL

I can't take it , just got off phone with him and he is so mad at who ? ME of corse cause once again this is about him HIM HIM ,, ME and OW are the problem ,,, we are his aggrivasion ..

MY GOD this man is so selfish , he has always been but this takes the cake . (yes he obviously likes cake I know )

MAN I am so angry , I am so PISSED off , so down and out right freakin MAD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

YOU know in all my time growing up , we joked about my MOM , she was so calm , if someone hurt her she use to say I feel bad for them , they must not be a happy person .

SOMEONE disrespected her she aloud it and just said, not worth my energy I will pray for them , cause they will get theres in the very end .

I tried all my life NOT to be her cause I hated that , she endured so much and just felt everyone will get theres in the end . ME I wanted to see it I don't want to wait and see what life brings them .

MY grand parents treated her like complete crap , I mean things that would make your head spin (HER IN- LAWS ) and even when my dad would say don't talk to them anymore they don't respevt you ,,its ok with me if you never look there way .

SHE would say , no thats not right they are your parents and my childrens grandparents we will all go every week and respect them always cleaned , and cooked for them , bought them nice things never cursed them or talked back nothing .

After my dad died they told her basicly theres no need for you or your kids your not family and shut us all out .

1 month later my grandad , went into a nursing home and she was left all alone .
THEN daughter took her in (grandma) and spent all her money , my mom died and she my granma still living .

SHE was in a nursing home and died the other day 5/ 17/03 . I feel nothing , but my mother came to me and said, 93 and very very lonely no love .
I called my sister to ask how old gram was she said, 92 . she then called me back to tell me I am sorry tecnacly 93 may 17th was her birthday she died at 3am .

MY dreams some times freak me out !!!

And the point is , I don't know if thats good enough for me , knowing she out lived my parents and I am suppose to be ok with the fact that she lived long but unhappy .

ok never mind I aqm rambling I don't even know why I am posting anymore ?

I just need to keep the thoughts out of my head I guess .

OK no need to respond , be back when ever .

3,

Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Not returning evil for evil. She was right. People do answer for their bad behavior in the end.

Sorry about your grandmother. Sad she ended up that way, but what goes around comes around. I had a uncle like that.

Don't know how you are doing this. You are right. This is all about your H. Not you. And you and ow are not his problem. HE is the problem.

I just worry about how much longer you can go on this way. I don't have much sympathy for WS. He deserves whatever he gets. He is wrong. I wouldn't believe anything he says. Looks like he is seeing ow more and more.

You need to step away from this to preserve whatever sanity you have left. Two more weeks 3. I strongly urge you to stick to your plan B on June 1. Do whatever you have to do to get WS out of the home.

You need some peace in your life. You deserve better than this. You have gone above and beyond what most people would do to keep your marriage and family together. You are worthy.

And don't bother with ow. She is not worth your time or thought. She knew what she was getting into and like WS, thinks only of herself. He deserves her. Not a good woman like you. If WS likes the drama, let him have the drama, but NOT with you.

Don't mean to trash WS. But geez! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

See ya later. Prayers goin' up for you 3.

Love in Christ,
Miss M