Yo espy - maybe it would be worth while to conduct a forum poll on porn. Maybe it's already been done and I missed it.

If you do, please include this question: "How would you classify a picture of Nick123 in the swim suit on the SI cover? a) erotica b) pornographic c) disgusting"

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
WAT

Whoaaa WAT you're getting to a dangerously slippery slope here :-)

(just imagine what the public would say without the swimsuit - that's when the riots would start.)

Hey knowing about Nick123's marathoning habits he no doubt would look quite good on the SI cover- that is WITH the swimsuit on!

Now if we only could get Nick's WW to see him in that way- charming bartender (of the Fog and Fence)/model type a la Tom Cruise in the movie "Cocktail".

I can't figure out how to do a poll but it would be interesting if someone did a poll on this topic.

<small>[ March 06, 2003, 03:43 PM: Message edited by: espoir ]</small>

Espoir,

I do not mean to place blame or defend a porn addict, but I am curious about something you said. Do you have an active sex life with your H? Do you ever initiate sexual relations? Is your H happy with your sex life?

The reason I am curious is because I was reading a book called the Sex Starved Marriage. It made an interesting point in there about how many women will reject their H's for sex continually, but then demand that the H not go elsewhere for sex. The book does a nice job of finally saying something that so many refuse to accept... feeling that sex is an integral part of a marriage is OK. The dismissive nature with which sexual desires are met discussed with one's spouse is very painful and humiliating for a man.

Thoughts?

I've been off the boards a few days- but let me say this.

I think the porn outlet can be dangerous to a M. For this reason-
yes, there were times that I wasn't meeting my H's need for SF. I had 3 children and nursed each one. Post birth I usually went through a long period of not wanting much in the way of SF-although I tried the best I could. But my hormones were not there. My H didn't understand- it was hard for him.

The other problem was that for a long period my H was LBing alot. When you are climbing the stairs to your bedroom, being ragged on for not having the house clean enough, desires for SF tend to evaporate. There was alot of verbal abuse in our M.

We got into a vicious cycle. Lack of SF made my H angry. His anger turned me off and drove me away. Also, my H travelled alot for work and that is when he really got into the porn habit.

But having the porn habit enabled my H to avoid doing the things he could do to help us have a good emotional and sexual relationship. Some of the porn stuff felt like it was even creeping into the bedroom. I don't mean specific acts. Emotionally my H wasn't "making love".

I used to close my eyes to the porn usage before. But since the A, frankly, it just feels like cheating to me. My H would work late into the night and be checking these sites at work. He wasn't even there for me to have SF with.

In the coming year, my H says he will put more effort into our R. I hope to resolve the SF issue. Our SF can be great, and with a healthy emotional relationship behind it, there's no reason why we shouldn't both be satisfied.

I do agree with your point that there needs to be SF in a marriage. It's a very important ingredient. Wives do need to be aware of this. And careful with the communication.

Anyway to the guys out there I say- communicate with your wives. Remember that lovemaking starts outside the bedroom. In the way you treat her all day. Talk about your SF needs and POJA it. Be attuned to what your wife is experiencing around the house. Taking care of kids can be draining. But I do believe, most difficulties can be resolved with good communication and POJA + perhaps a little sex education.

<small>[ March 10, 2003, 12:53 PM: Message edited by: espoir ]</small>