I am going to write the NC now. I will call my girlfriend to confirm plans with her for the weekend and just do it - okay, here I go.
Thanks,
Elli

TwilightShadows-

I re-read your response to me. It does seem to be the same situation. What happened? Did your OM leave you after he got what he wanted from the PA part of it? Or did you discover MB and end it yourself? Was the ending with OM painful or was it just the guilt of cheating on your H?

My OM is not as respectful/responsible to me either. He says he'll call but calls late or at a different time. He always has excuses for himself too - even if I'm not looking for an explanation or didn't notice the behavior questionable.

I am worried about his lack of responsibility as I have sent him numerous e-mails and where are they? I've erased mine - right after reading them and read them from a secure site. He has lost his cell phone twice and he has my numbers in it where I have just memorized his so there is no trail.

Now that I am starting to "see" this relationship and my behavior and his character for what it is I am detaching from the EN of the A. I have to admit, though, because I am "in process" of ending it, I still have moments of weakness.

One thing not posted much or that I have not come in contact with, is the fact that the A (at least for me) is exciting, attractive - It feels soooo goood when you are in (what I think you refer to as) the fog. It's the same fog I had with my H in the beginning of our relationship.

I do not want to end up "falling in love with falling in love" though because I'm sure that only leads to an unfulfilled search. But the fog does feel good.

Thanks for your words. Reading everyones personal stories has been helpful - very much so. I guess the statement "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a myth. Thanks all.

Elli

Coming from someone who is in a situation where my SO did not talk to me first about the A, I have to tell you that it is only fair for you to talk to your H and let him know, it is also wise to not go away for the weekend and let yourself get even more caught up in this whole thing. Once the A has taken on a different level of signifigance it is harder to get out of. The fog may be nice but it is fantasy and the excitement fades, you can never keep that feeling forever and if it does not or can not turn into something more permanent then where does that leave you?? I think the courageous thing to do would be to muster up the courage to say no now and work through whatever you need to and save your marriage and H from having to get deeper into this thing.

Patientlywaiting,

You are so right! Thanks for sharing I am learning and I am NOT meeting OM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I did find the strength through this site to end it before it got physical.

I am glad it ended with a NC letter. OM and myself have had no contact/communication and my feelings are beginning to subside - There is no future for us (OM and me) and I'm not interested in an empty relationship. thanks for your support.

Patientlywaiting - thank you your response speaks to me. It really makes sense. I plan on telling him - Just mustering up yhe right words and courage.