Question

Wife is pissing me off about the kids. Dumping them off where ever (friend of hers) and at my moms. Now my mom loves having them but the thing is that my W tells my mom that she is working and shes not. She is at home and doesnt pick them up until after her supose quiting time.

I want to call and talk to her about this. Will it do any good? I dont think so but It makes me so angery that she is treating the kids this way. They only want love from there mom and shes not giving it.

What do you think?

Dan

Dan,
I hope I don't make some of the Gal's mad, but I think I would leave it between your Mom and your W.

You are in Germany and you can't fix this one. If your Mom has problems with it, she should talk about them with W. Let them work it out.

What could you do to get W to change? I mean, how much has she listened so far about the other things you have had problems with?

I can't see how you can do any thing but cause a fight about this.

I believe the kids are important, but I think I would let Mom and W work it out.

If it is a case of neglect, call the authorities and tell them what you know and let them fix it. If it is not neglect, then I don't think you can help make it better from so far away.

SS

<small>[ April 01, 2003, 04:23 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Thanks

I have chosen not to bring it up. Your right and deep dpwn I think that I knew it to. There is nothing I can do from here and its not like she is physically neglecting them just emotionally so they are better off at my moms because they get so much love over there.

So today is a new day and I feel that I have let go just a little bit. Tell you how today goes its kind of a important one I guess (on my end)
So I hope you all have a great evening back there in the good ol USA. Thanks for being here for me.

DAN

Dan,

For now U R 2 far away to have a good effect. Let your mom know that if she could just hang a bit you will straighten it up when you return. That leaving you a big job when you get home and you have now to prepare.

Leave your W be for now. Any conversation on this matter will only make it harder for your children and your mom. Your W is showing that she doesn't care about anyone. So keep her at bay so she can't blame you for more than she already is.

L.

You are very right Orchid

I am trying to detach from her right now, does any one have any ideas on doing this.

I love this woman so much and all she wants to do is push me further away.

We talk yesterday for a bit and she was cold a distant. You could just tell that she is not happy at all, or maybe just not happy talking to me.

Talk soon,
Dan

Hi Dan,
One of the things I have noticed over time here is that people often want to work on their marriage and they get and read many books. Often they change their plan depending on which book they are reading at the time.

I encourage you to stay with one thing for a few months.

If you do plan A right, it helps you a great deal also. If you do it right it results in much improvement in you, and you get to keep that no matter what W does.

Wishing you well today.

SS

<small>[ April 04, 2003, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hey everyone sorry I havent been here for a while, been very busy at work.

SS you are right about not working off to many differnt books. I have read many and taken a little from each one and have tried to use it because my sitch is a tougher one.

Ok little problem today. Wife wrote me and told me she needed to borrow two hundred dollers because she went into the negative because of her accident.

Normally I wouldnt have a problem with that but this past weekend she was out of town parting it up with a girl friend of hers.

I dont mind helping her out but Im not going support these irresponible actions. I love being able to help her out but I makes me angery when she is spending it on her drinking and not on her and the kids.

So what should I do, Im thinking just to let it go but than agin I need for her to know that the money is there for her to use on the kids. Any advice would be great.

Thanks,
Dan

Can you pay the bills from where you are?

Hi Dan,
It's always tough to do things like this long distance. I think what Orchid is getting at is can you pay whatever bill is outstanding that she needs the money for so she can't take the money and do something else with it.

I work in a retail store and sometimes we have customers that bring things in for a refund or exchange. Sometimes we suspect that they broke the product on purpose becahse they changed their mind and wanted their money back. When that happens, we can call them a lier and make a scene, or we can cheerfully refund their money and ask them to come see us again.

You pick your battles carefully and only fight the ones that get you what you really want. Right now you really want your marriage, right? If you fight this one, what will you get out of it? What will it do for you, what will it do for her?
How will you feel if you leave it alone, how will she feel if you leave it alone?

I first thought that maybe you could say something that would convey your sorrow about what she has done but still be supportive, but the more I think about it, the less I think it would work. You would proababy have to either cough up the money and tell her you love her and are glad to help, or fight about it - with all that fights entail.

Think about it some, and tell me what your take is.

SS

I chose not to fight this one. You both were right and it wouldnt bring me closer to being married again.

I wrote her and told her that I was glad to be able to help and she can pay me back when ever she can.

She has been writing me more lately and even asked me to IM her so we can make a "date" to chat. But what sucks is that I cant because I dont have internet in my room anylonger and I cant use my work computer for that. So I just told her that I would love to talk anytime and just email me or use my long distance card and I dont mind paying for it.

So that was yesterday, I am going to see how my weekend goes and hope for the best.

So you all have a wonderful weekend I will catch you all up to speed on monday.

Thank you so much for being here for me, it really makes my day hearing form you two.

Dan

Looks like she has a need for conversation that is not being filled by anyone right now. Can you go to a friends apartment and get on to IM her?

This could be a big deal.

You may or not know that Orchid has problems in her own M right now. Say a prayer for her now and then.

Danny, as I have said before, we never know what will happen. Keep playing this as though it will work out. You have to make plans for the worst, I give you that, but act like it will work. You notice that the people that win olympic events don't act like they will loose, they expect to win.
Expect to win. Talk like it, walk like it, act like it. Improve yourself, then act like you are improved.

All the best.

SS

<small>[ April 11, 2003, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>