Oh, just saw your last post. Earlier, I had assumed you were talking about dating each other. Dating others is another story.

To be honest, I wanted to and even told her I would if the opportunity arose. I wouldn't go looking for someone, but if something came up, I might date the right person. Well...I pretty quickly changed my tune on that one. You see, I had an EA which was a cause of a lot of this mess and not only did I hurt my wife, I lost the best friend I ever had (ie OW). I caused her a lot of pain and I'm not going to put someone else through that.

She wants to justify her A and taj\ke the guilt from her. A typical WS attitude. "If he dates, then it's OKAY for me to do what I did."
I felt this way in the beginning to.

TM,
I tend to think she is telling you to date so that if you do get back together there won't be a repeat of what went before. In other words, she wants YOU to know for sure than you can live with only her in your life. She wants to know you want her, and can be satisfied with her alone.

I really think that there are a few twists in your case that are not the normal run-of-the-mill troubles.

You may have to run a longer plan A than normal. What do you think about that?

BTW, I think Os would be correct if this was a normal case. I still think you have the ability to look at the data, analize her feelings and touch her heart. You seemed to get a good feel for what to do right at first, and I think with a few mid course corrections you will do this right.

SS

TM whether couples commit to each other 'until death do us part' the reality is that we can only committ for TODAY. Tomorrow is unknown and there's a good chance that we may end up being wormfood six feet under (a good thing to point out to your commitment phobic W).

Can’t think of a Name,
Thanks for sharing your situation; it gives me an idea on how to proceed with this whole dating thing. I honestly had no idea what to do; now I have an idea. I know my wife and I will go through many of the same things as you are, especially the loneliness, $$, and being separated from the kids part.

I don’t necessarily want to date others; I don’t think I’m ready to get myself into that mess right now. Originally I was talking about dating each other, but now she wants me to date others too.

Kily,
Thanks again for your view on things. I kinda figured that was what it was, but after our little talk the other day, now I’m not so sure. When we talked she said that she knew I still had feelings for OW (the same OW that she pushed me to be with before, that she wanted me to fall in love with because OW would make a good step-mom). So, she says that until all of those feelings are gone she will not come back. And, because she thinks I still have those feelings it makes her mad when I mention her staying and not leaving.

SS,
YOU HIT IT RIGHT ON THE HEAD!! At least that’s what she says, and I tend to believe her. I agree, the “twists” in our situation do make it difficult to analyze things the same as with many others. I’ve already been in Plan A much longer than I thought I could be, so I guess I’m ok with a drawn out Plan A. As I said the other day, I now know that I can tell her it’s over when/if the time comes. That brings me unbelievable relief. Thanks for your vote of confidence it’s greatly appreciated!

2MCM,
LOL…. Another smile award for you. I never looked at my “commitment phobic wife” in that way before. I have a hard time with that commit today, tomorrow is different. I am a firm believer in “Till death do us part”. When I bring this up to my wife she says our marriage vows were broken a long time ago, and that doesn’t pertain any more. In 1 way I can understand that, but in another way I cannot.

Update:

As I said before we had that talk she wanted. I was hoping for her to jump into my arms and profess her love for me. I was expecting her to serve me with divorce papers, so I guess I got something in between. As I said earlier she told me that she gets angry and upset when I ask her to stay, or tell her that she doesn’t have to leave. She told me that she WAS moving out, and that she wanted me to date other people to make sure that I truly Loved her. She said that she believed that I still had feelings for OW, and that I should tell her how I feel and date her.

I explained that I have no feelings for OW, but that when wife is acting horrible I do wish for companionship, comfort and someone to love me. She didn’t believe me, but I guess I don’t blame her for that one. She believes that every time I leave the house I’m going to meet with OW. So, that’s where everything stands, nothing especially good happening.

God Bless to all of you who have taken the time out of your lives and situations to respond to me and assist me with my problems.