Jen,
I was holding my breath about your reply because I respectfully disagree with hope4future. I would NOT have used the word BETTER days. Sounds icky IMHO. I think you did great!! Let me know what happens.

Gosh the guilt is in full force today. Maybe it's wrong of me to leave town. What if he actually reaches out to me in an appropriate way and wants to spend time with me for once? (Oh yes, and what if pigs fly? Should I buy a heavy duty umbrella?)
I guess I just really don't want to give him one more thing to add to the list of selfish things that Jen has done, when he thinks I should have been sitting on my duff waiting around for him...

What do I say about not answering his call after midnight last night? I figure if I talk to him and he asks, I'll say I was asleep and didn't feel like talking so late. Please call me at a reasonable time? Can't you just imagine his response? "You didn't feel like talking? Since when do you get to make the rules? I make the rules. You should be thankful that I even want to talk to you," and then I'd bet he'd hang up to punish me for not answering the previous time.

Sigh, sorry, I'm feeling confused and needy today. Had to walk past OM a couple of times. It got me all worked up again with guilt and regret I guess.

Jen

Jen,

Do you feel the need to be "available" to your WS at any time of the day or night...24/7...just in case he has an epiphany? You are locking yourself away into an emotional tower if you do that.

I am afraid that you could get lost in that thinking...and just might have to start taking in laundry for people so that you won't ever have to leave the house! ok....just kidding...but you surely can see where this might lead.

He is holding your life hostage and you are letting him. You could be waiting for something to happen that might never happen. Do not put your life on hold for the unknown.

JMHO
committed

<small>[ April 29, 2003, 05:45 PM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

"You could be waiting for something to happen that might never happen. Do not put your life on hold for the unknown."

I suppose that could be my answer if he ever tries to give me trouble for leaving town. Thanks for your thoughts on this one committed!

I don't want to put my life on hold for him, not at all.

It's just this darn guilt that creeps up now and again that makes me tempted to do so I suppose.

Jen,
If he says what you say (like about how he makes the rules) then he is way too demanding and hasn't learned from this. And you are hearing that from a VERY demanding person. As the BS, if I called WS at 12:30 and he didn't answer, I would think he was with OW. BUT you have made it pretty clear you aren't, whereas mine hasn't. But I still would just ask him what he was doing and I would hope that I would have more sense than to threaten him by saying I make the rules. It sounds to me like he has started a few weird rules of his own, as a married man. I say, don't live your life with guilt, but with strength and courage and self-respect!! If you have truly repented of your A, God knows your heart and ultimately He is the one who matters-You can't keep beating yourself up.