Salerio:

Thanks for your continued support. I really appreciate it.

This is just my opinion. I wouldn't go see the MIL unless WS agrees to go with you. Think about ENs during PLAN A. For women, family loyalty and affection typically are big ones. WW may perceive you as being disloyal, scheming. You will not have a means to prove that you are not without the WW being present.

Also, I would be somewhat suspicious of the MIL's motives. Despite her conscious plans, blood is thicker than water. That is me speaking as a mother.

I think it would be better for you to find some impartial or better partial friends of yours to spend your time with.

Take Care.

well, here I am at home alone with D again tonight, nursing a drink and sitting at the computer.

WW is out, very unspecific about where. I think OM is still away, but she was out last night too, so maybe he is back. Didn't LB when she left, and got several waves as she went. She asked if I minded if she went out - I replied that that dependended on who she was going out with <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I think that was a fair answer!

I found out in the last few days that OM's buddy has been contacting WW several times. Don't know whether he is acting as an intermediary or a support, but I know now where he works and his phone number <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Thinking of lots of things I can do with these. Will weigh it all up carefully before taking action of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Am actually feeling quite good at the moment in general - must be the 'happy pills', as I feel I am doing a good plan A and perceive some reciprocation from WW. I really do believe when I pull the rug in plan B that it will be effective. I am almost looking forward to this. Does that make sense? Maybe it is the anticipation of the end goal?

What I am finding very hard, and sorry to be crude about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (probably the whiskey talking!) is the lack of SF. I feel horny as hell most of the time!! And yet I don't feel right doing anything about it. Very weird, as I normally have a very high drive here and could, ahem, 'attend to my own needs' if SF was too infrequent for my liking. I also find myself eyeing up virtually every woman I see. Am I turning into some sort of pervert or is this normal?

(Hope I don't regret this post in the morning LOL)

Actually you are allowed to engage in SF during Plan A. I was encouraged by my mentors on this board. They said to "claim your territory". I did. It was an important part of my PLAN A. My WS has unforgettable memories of that time, like you were referring to on my thread. I did candlelight, music and all. He left here being extremely attracted to me. If she's interested, go for it. Start out with the romance first.

<small>[ June 17, 2003, 07:58 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Salerio,

Afraid everyone will think you are a horndog huh? Nah, don't worry....this is hard and most of us have been there. Sex during Plan a seems to be a personal choice. I'm with Mimi...I feel that it is a way of connecting that if you can handle it emotionally (not everyone can) than it's fine. I have been thinking all day about the MIL invitation...and still can't make up my mind...but I just don't get a good feeling about it...I'd like to see what some others have to say. I always believe its better to do nothing....then to mess up in Plan A. I'd save the trip for Plan B if it were me.

thanks guys

however, I think it will be wishful thinking. For one I'm not sure I could handle it right, and secondly, I don't think WW will 'cheat' on OM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> How f*&ked up is that?

Still weighing up the other options re MIL - she has often invited me to visit, so I don't perceive any ulterior motive to be honest.

I still say romance her, Salerio. Don't worry about what she is thinking. It's YOUR PLAN . That's what Plan A is all about.

Things change with family once an A comes out into the light. Please be careful with the MIL. Your main focus now is your PLAN . Think about how this may fit into it. You said that your WW is not getting along well with her mother. Is it a good idea for you to visit with her then? Is that giving the message that your major commitment is not to your wife? I agree with Star*fish. Be careful. WSes look for any ammunition in their minds to justify their A.

am trying the romance bit Mimi - difficult (although not impossible) without some engagement from her side though.

still considering the MIL visit. If anything I am closer to her family now than before. I can see pros and cons to the idea. No need to make my mind up till tomorrow in any case.

Salerio

It is the height of fog-thinking when a spouse feels the need to be faithful to an OP!! And yes it is truly a travesty!!

About your trip.....You are in Plan A, and as such LBs are the biggest problem. If you have any indication that this trip could withdraw units...don't make it. Right now, the object is to deposit....and you don't have much room to do that. Don't mess it up by making a decision that you are unsure of the consequences. Like a lawyer in the courtroom....don't ask a question that you don't already know the answer to.

Salerio:

I'm wanting to hear how things are going with you? Did you go to your MIL's? How's the romance coming along?

Yes I did go to MIL's. WW was surprised when I told her, but not upset or angry. Was very affectionate the morning I left. Several hugs and kisses. I left a note with flowers (page 21 of 'Romance for Dummies'!!). Got a call from her in the car as soon as she got home from work (probably just after she got the note <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). All very amicable, as were several phone calls over the weekend. Had a good talk with MIL - stayed up till 5AM!! Weekend was quite pleasant and relaxing, although I'm pretty tired this morning. Lots of driving, walking and talking. Very good for my sister, and probably for me too. WW quite friendly last night and this morning when I got home.

Only downer is lots of long phone calls to OM while I was away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I feel like drastic action is going to be required before I get any results. Will keep plan A-ing for now, but I think I will have to kick-start the separation proceedings soon. WW is still cake-eating to a major degree.

Hi Salerio:

It's great that the visit with the MIL seems to have gone well. MAYBE WW missed you.

How did you find out about the phone calls? It's OK to tell her how you feel about them. Is she using the homephone to make long distance calls that you end up paying for?

I also think it's reasonable to ask her what HER PLAN is to cease contact with OM and to tell her that you would like to begin working with her on that plan. If she does not agree, that sets the stage for your PLAN B.

Be careful, though. MY WS fooled me into thinking that he had A PLAN . He actually called it "A PLAN". I should have realized that he really did not when he refused to share it with me.

You're right. This is hell on earth but we'll make it through somehow.

Yes I think she did miss me. I suppose that is probably why she was on the phone to OM - loneliness. I can access the call records for the cell-phone online - the bill comes under my phone bill also. When she moved back in after I asked her to leave previously she told me she wasn't going to call him from our phones any more - as it 'wasnt fair on me' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Of course having an affair is ?? Fogtalk is great isn't it! Generally she has stuck to that over the last few weeks. She calls him, hangs up before he answers and then he calls back. That way I can't see when she has called from the bill - but the upside is that f*&face pays for all the calls <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I wonder if her making calls over the weekend was her being lonely (i.e. missing me), him not being able to afford all the calls <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , or her thinking because I was away with no computer access that I wouldn't be able to see the calls when I got back. Time will tell I suppose.
She has no plan to cease contact, or at least hadn't. I will raise all the issues in the next week or so, and then do my best to maintain plan A while getting the separation organised for the move to plan B - which will be difficult.

Just got a call earlier from my sister - she was very upset. She had received an e-mail from OM -

'Dear XXXX, I am very sorry to hear the terrible news. You and YYYY's family are in my thoughts.

Things are a bit up in the air for all of us now, but hopefully they will get better.

Looking forward to seeing you when I get back to ZZZZZ'

Neither of us could believe the audacity. 'Things are a little bit up in the air' - understatement of the year, and they are like that because of his (and WW's) actions. How dare he even juxtapose that with my sisters fiancees death. My sister didn't even like OM beforehand, and has no desire to ever see him again after all that has gone on. Some people!

<small>[ June 23, 2003, 09:56 AM: Message edited by: Salerio ]</small>

Just a short update.

WW was very amicable yesterday. Lots of smiles, seemed happy to be in my company. Talked for a while (non - R stuff). She has lots of plans for the summer (mainly for her, some involving D - none mentioning a separation though). I did hint at it, when she asked what plans I had - I said that we had a lot to organise together, and that I hadn't thought much beyond that.

Got a loving goodnight. This morning was very amicable again. I was lying awake in bed when I heard her get up. She sneaked a look around the bedroom door at me and I caught her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I think that must be a good sign. She also came into the room twice to talk. I was upstairs when she called out that she was leaving - again she stopped to talk. Then she seemed to delay till I was downstairs again. I got a hug and she pinched (playfully) my [censored]. Again all good I think <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All little things, but they help give me the strength to keep doing the best plan A I can.

Had a chat with my sister last night, and she would like us to together draft a response to F*&faces e-mail, which I have included below. I would welcome any suggestions or criticisms.

> Hi XXXX,
>
> Hope your bearing up ok

I was till I saw this e-mail from you. I am gobsmacked by your audacity.

> and I just wanted to let you know, you and
> YYYY's family are in my thoughts.

You are in my thoughts also and I would rather than neither were the case.

> As you know
> things are a bit up in the air at the moment
> for everyone but hopefully everything will be > better for everyone given time.

How dare you juxtapose these! 'A bit up in the air' - is that how you think I feel, having lost my best friend, my love, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?
Are 'things a bit up in the air' with you? I wonder why?
Do you think 'things are a bit up in the air' with my brother, with my 9 year old niece whose family is being torn apart?
With my sister in law, with my parents and other brothers, with my 87 year old grandmother, with all our mutual friends?
With your family?

'hopefully everything will be better for everyone given time'

In what way do you think things will get better for me? For all the people mentioned above? Do you think everyone will just accept things and move on? Forget all the hurt, pain, loss?
Or maybe you were only thinking of yourself?

> Take care of yourself and hopefully see you
> soon in ZZZZ,

I would be happier never to see or hear from you or of you again. You can rot in hell.

Just checking in to see how you are doing. What's the update? Any romance?

Thanks for checking in Mimi

not much to report. WW was very affectionate yesterday morning - calling me over for a hug twice. She seems to call into my room in the morning as a matter of course also. Small things, but some encouragement there. For various reasons we aren't spending a huge amount of time together at the moment, but when we do it is ok - quite relaxed.

I invited her to go to the theater with me next week. She had already planned to visit her MIL during this time (I was aware of the plans, but could only get tickets for this day). She seemed genuinely disappointed and is now considering staying around for an extra day. Does that count as romance ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Trying to do more stuff around the house and cooked a few nice meals also.

In other developments (sounds like CNN!!) my sister replied to OM's e-mail along the lines of the above. He replied back! Neither of us could believe it. He is, and I quote, ' quite prepared to accept the consequences of any difficult decisions I have had to make. I have absolutely no regrets'

I'll put that to the test <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 08:27 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Sorry Salerio.....realized that the response was for OM LOL and not your wife!

Hi Salerio:

Let us know how you are doing.

From my past experience, it's not a good idea to stay away from MB too long. You might start thinking like an ALIEN!!

Was wondering what all that misty looking stuff was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

A fair bit to report, am brewing a few things up at the moment. The next few days will be busy but hopefully I will get a chance at some stage to log and post an update. Thanks for checking in!