</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And while I am on this subject, I am now 48 years old, and I lave been around a few more days than you have. It is natural that I have had more experiences than you have had and If I learned from them that I would have insight in to some things that you would not. It does not mean I am right all the time, or that I think I am smarter than you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that old-timer. We can compare notes in about 21 years and see how things stand then. But wait....you'll be really wise and gray by then, so there'll still be that gap. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I ask things because I feel you have advice to give. This thread wouldn't be 11 pages long if we were in the exact same boat.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I believe by the time you get to 48 you will be far ahead of me in understanding marriage, and in life in general.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well....hopefully so. I know I'll always be making mistakes, and I'll probably make some more big ones before it's all said and done, but if I had to learn what I've learned by going through what I've gone through (and am currently), I'm glad it happened fairly early in the game instead of after 30 years.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Part of it is just that we are different people.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True, but in this case it seems to be more of a lack of understanding or care for my feelings.
Or a lack of me communicating just how fragile my feelings are right now. For whatever reason....probably me not wanting to come off as "weak" or something un-manly like that.
The differences we have I think we deal with pretty well. Day to day stuff like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving drinking glasses in every room of the house instead of using the same one....leaving lights on and things like that. We handle things like that really well. We get the point across to each other on the things that matter to us, and they usually turn into jokes that we throw around when we slip and do something a tad irritating.
But this just feels different. I guess it's because I've stressed it so heavily, and in this particular instance, because she's been so good at keeping in touch with me while she's been gone. She's called me probably 10 times a day every day, and it would figure that she'd forget or put it off the one time I specifically asked her to call me.
Not to downplay my feelings, but it is a trivial thing.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well, now that you have been back for a few hours, I wanted to apologize for something. When you called, you may have felt the edge in my voice. I was worried because you hadn't called when you left as I had asked you to call. After all that has happened, things like that tend to be triggers for my emotions, and it sets off something in side me that I have a hard time dealing with.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did call her back and apologize for sounding irritated with her. I said that I did feel that way at the time and we would talk about it later, but it wasn't anything to lose sleep over and I wasn't mad at her. I told her I was thinking about it and the best way to explain it to her.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is COMING OUT OF THE FOG, she is not FOG FREE</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's something I hadn't thought about. I guess I thought that when the person was thinking clearly enough to see that the A wasn't good for them and was able to efficiently cut things off, that meant that the fog had lifted. I know the feelings aren't gone....that's evident by her handling things her own way and filling me in later.....but I figured that the fog was gone.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It always seems like I am telling you what to do, and how to fix things. It may seem like it ought to be her that does something different. Well, she ought to, but you can't directly affect that. You can only improve things on your side, learn to communicate better, be an example of respecting her feelings and hope she will do it for you too.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're not
telling me what to do. You're telling me how
you would do something...which is what I asked for.
Yes, it would be nice for her to come to me and ask me what exactly she could do to help me through this....I do feel sometimes that I've been the one to do most of the changing in this ordeal. Which is true, but from what I gather is the norm up to this point. I guess that's my taker voicing it's starvation??
