I was planning to address it at some point. Had not decided how long. But, since she is moving out I decided to not say anything. Like I said earlier ,OM is a neat freak so I hope this has become a habit. I'm sure WS can fix it easily but it might just get him looking for other faults as well.

I got a nap earlier. WS fell asleep so I figured what the heck I might as well too.

WS left to see OM about 10 min ago. Says she don't know when she will be home. So, I'm gonna finish up the housework and go to bed early tonight (after taking a couple sleeping pills.) Maybe I won't wake up when she comes home, that way I would get 8 solid hrs sleep. I could use it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Same stuff thats in tylonol pm so not addictive.

I like to talk to her when she gets home but since she didn't work all she would want to talk about is him and their plans and I don't wanna talk about that.

Hey, Hurtin'

I just wanted to pop in and say I'm following your story, too, and you're getting great advice from a great lady, Orchid!! Redhat's a pretty good source of knowledge, too. He was a quick study when it was his turn.

I got a good laugh when you thought about what you were saying about your food being sacrosanct!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

That sense of humor will come in handy in the coming months, bet on it. It's good that you know this is gonna take some time....keep that thought in the front of your mind. You're probably gonna need to remind yourself of it several times throughout this ordeal. But I've gotta let you know I agree with everyone else....this A's got failure written all over it!

I'm fond of saying, "If you can, just settle in, sit back and watch the show....it's gonna be a good one![/b] In the meantime, sharpen up your Plan A skills, and fix whatever was wrong from your side in the M before the A.

BTW, WW will continue to shift and change her mind about stuff in the coming days.....NOT seeing the kids, seeing them, OM not wanting to meet them, her wanting them all to meet.

YOU've got to be strong, and logical.....YOU set the standards for what has to happen, and what WILL NOT happen re: your kids.

Stay strong. Stay attached. Plenty of people here rooting for you.

GOd Bless,

Thanks lupolady.

I have decided on the boundries. For now there are none with me but the line is drawn in bright red paint when it comes to the kids. I have done the research and talked with a lawyer. She can do whatever she wants to me but the kids will be protected.

Luckily in TN OM can't see them until Dv is final. With his history I can keep him from seeing him for at least a year possibly 2 after the Dv is final. I have not told WS this as it will be big LB, but, when and if she files I will counterfile on grounds of A and have the above stipulations put in the custody decree.

I have no intentions of depriving the kids from their M or them from her. He just won't be there when they see each other.

Today WS was telling me how OM had seen this house and that one and they wouldn't do because he was taking the long view and he didn't want WS's D's to have to play in those neighborhoods. I told her he was schizoid. She huffed up and I laughed and said I meant it as a figure of speech. He was taking such a long view of things while at the same time making her reassure him several times a day that she loved him and wasn't changing her mind or falling back in love with me. She got real quiet for a few minutes.

Like you said "Sit back and enjoy the show."

I sometimes wonder now if I do still love her as even though I can get mad I don't hurt at all anymore. If I don't that's ok though because I know we can be and I know it's best for the kids. So I continue to improve myself and wait for her to want to fix the M.

Don't even know what time WS got home. I think thats a good thing as I needed the sleep. Managed to get 8 hours. I woke up a couple of times but I always did.

Midnight --not home
430-- home and alseep

Taking the kids on a picnic today. Hopefully with WS but we are going either way.

WS up and in tub now. WS & OM going to look at house today. I'm trying to get her to do it before picnic so she doesn't rush the kids but it doesn't look like that will work unless I push. Would rather not LB today so I guess I'll let it go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

This is going to be crude.....

You cannot reason with your wife for now. Her head is too far up her a$$. Stay out of LB-Land but keep re-stating your boundaries.

Be a Daddy-of-the year. .... As the man said when asked why he robbed banks for a living ...cuz that's where the money is!

Being the Dad-fantastic is where the money is right now.

YOU are doing an amazing job!!!

>>> standing ovation <<< <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

I agree with Pepperband all the way. Your WW is deep in the fog right now. You can't deal rationally with a irrational person, so don't try. But since WW is a mother you can bet that one of her top EN is family commitment. It is the one EN that you alone can meet for her. The OM can't touch it; it is your trump card. It is time to be the best father you can be.
But a quick word of warning here. Please do not be tempted to use this advantage to try and drive a wedge between WW and your children. Do not let your anger hurt them. They know that what WW is doing is wrong, and at this point they may not like her, but they do love her. Let them, and WW, see you as a strong, compassionate, determined father who wants what is best for everyone. Fight the good fight.

FC is number 1. Being the best dad I can for 2 reasons, her EN and because it's what the kids deserve. I won't drive any wedges between them.

We are ready to go as soon as WS returns. It will prob be 1 or later but at least we won't have to be in a hurry to get home.

I'm not trying to negotiate with WS about trips with kids. I just remind her what she told them then I tell her it's your choice, what do you want to do?

Thanks for the support. A may be a good thing is disguise. I'm becoming a better man and father because of it. If WS sees it fine ,if not thats ok I'm doing it for me and the kids anyways.

WS still not home, getting pissed. Kids have asked twice if mom knew about picnic. Of course she did ,she just don't giva a rats a**. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Gonna have to take a walk b4 WS gets home and cool off. Can't wait until they get a car so kids won't suffer. If I had 1 we would be gone now and come home when kids are ready. Oh well just venting.

I just called OM's cell. Kids are hungry and I needed to know wether to fix supper or what. They want to go on picnic.

No answer then OM called right back and asked if I had called this number. I said "yes, Is "WS" there I need to talk to her a second." His reply, "She might be." I told him "look I know you were together she didn't lie to me. All I need to know is has she dropped you off or is she still there." Kept my cool pretty good don't you think?

Anyway WS gets on phone I tell her I just need to know about food ,do I need to cook supper or what. She tells me she will pick them up. I think she means we will go. Either way I'm not to cook supper she will be here.

How can I address this without major LB'ing. I mean I did good not to say something about don't get in a hurry ,enjoy the afterglow, but I have to address this about leaving the kids hanging don't I?

don't know what others will say Hurting, but in my situation what I have been doing is setting a time limit - e.g. if WW is supposed to be there at 12 to do something with our D, I might decide that if she is not there by 12:30 or 1, then I will implement an alternative. That way our D doesn't lose out, and if WW complains, I can say that she wasn't there at the arranged time (or within a reasonable period after) so I took the initiative

Call and have a pizza delivery ASAP. make a picnic in your yard.

Ask your wife,"Did you know the kids and I were waiting for you?"

Her answer "blah blah blah."

Ask your wife, "Did you know the kids were worried why you were not here for our family picnic?"

W answers "blah blah blah."

Ask your W , "Did you know we were waiting for you, and we were very hungry?"

W says "blah blah blah."

Just state the obvious.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How can I address this without major LB'ing. I mean I did good not to say something about don't get in a hurry ,enjoy the afterglow, but I have to address this about leaving the kids hanging don't I? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This may be a tough one since FC is (or at least WAS) not your strong suit. Kind of like the pot calling the kettle black if you know what I mean. No disrespect intended, I know you are making huge strides in this area.

Salerio made a good suggestion. Always have a Plan B (not the MB type) because you can not depend on you WW at this point. That way you will lessen the disappointment to the kids.

Kids are smart. Surely yours see what is going on around them and can sense your anxiety. They know more than you or WW have even told them. They see things, they hear things, they are very observant, don't let them fool you.

You are exercising some extreme patience. More than I would tolerate. Kudos to you if you can continue in this fashion.

As you said earlier, maybe some good will come of all this. Maybe in all the fallout you will become a more dedicated, responsible and loving father...with or without WW.

ba109

ba109 your right about plan b for kids. I did figure that out and won't let her do this to them again.

30min late with no call is reasonable ,right? Then we move on and do something else.

I didn't handle it as good as I could have. But she was mad when she came home ,because I had called, so I was a little short with her. She was looking for hotels that rent by the week so they can move next weekend. I asked if it was long term or just until they could get some money. She said hes not supposed to support me. Me "Well it will be a while before you have some" Her " I don't know why because I'm working." Me " Because you have 4 kids." She didn't like that and I really didn't care at the time.

SH said to tell the kids about her moving out real soon before it happened. Not the day before but 1-2 days before that. Now she tells me that they will know about wether they will move on a particular Sat on the Thurs b4. But since they will need to talk first it looks like the kids will hear about it 1 day b4 she moves.

In that conversation at 1 point she looked at me and said "I'm not staying here". I told her I wanted her to as long as she wanted to, but since she wanted to move out I wanted her to go, it hurt alot and thats why I was helping her to get a place.

Later OM called. Ws was in living room alone with me. She went into bedroom and DD could hear her. I told her that DD could hear and living room was better. She huffed and I blurted " You don't care about the kids at all." Then I got DD out of kitchen until they finished call. Boy was she hot when she got off phone but she did wait until kids went to bed to call him back.

I should not have said that but at least the boundry was enforced and DD was protected. I could have done it without the LB, I didn't, I can live with that.

Ws is sitting in LR talking to OM and I'm sitting here wishing one of you would talk to me. I hate weekends. They are so slow in here. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

HERE IS A CRAZY IDEA!!!

Turn off the computer. Walk into the LR. Sit by your W. Wink at her. Then, take off her shoes. Start to give her a foot rub. If she doesn't resist, start sucking on her toes!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> See if you can get her to moan, or giggle, or squeal.

Throw a monkey-wrench into this affair convo they're having .... but do it in a fun and sexy way.

Plan B ..... stand before her and start to do a silly strip-tease. Turn on some music and dance provocatively. Use your imagination.

Get her to react to you ....DO NOT BE INVISABLE

Good luck!

Pep

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ June 01, 2003, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

That wouldn't work lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . They talking about looking at more houses tomorrow. The thought did make me laugh though, thanks peper

"That wouldn't work"

Depends what you're trying to do. It won't work to end their affair if that's your goal.

I was thinking about a more modest goal.

If your goal is to make her laugh and to have her recognize that you do exist, and you are alive, and you are an amazing man who is unpredictable and fun to be with .... then, what the hell!

Also .... she's bound to react in some way, and OM will know she and you are having some fun together. Might as well fuel some of his inbred inferiority complex and his insecurities!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> He will go NUTZ..

GO DO IT!

<small>[ June 01, 2003, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Kicked me out of LR. Now they talking about sex. He's reading to her from Penthouse Forum or something like it. I'm gonna go get her some coffee. Always lets me around when I'm being a good slave lol.

Editing
She didn't need coffee. She might need ice water soon though.

<small>[ June 01, 2003, 10:51 PM: Message edited by: hurting12 ]</small>