I think I'm getting better at this but wanted to get your opinion on a few things.

Friday mornings, H picks up D at the house to drive her to school. Dilemma? Well, I usually leave the house at 7:00 for work because of my commuting time. I couldn't leave later today (drop D off myself) because of 9:00 meeting SO...I unlocked the door. He walked in. Went downstairs to the basement office area. I was upstairs in the bedroom. Got up extra early this morning so that D's things were ready, my laptop at the door, me ready to leave...as soon as he walked down...I headed straight out the door without greeting, without having to SEE him.

That's the best I could do.

Now, the next big tackle is the ballet recital on Saturday evening AND leaving for Vancouver for 4 days on Sunday.

I plan to try to look my best for Saturday. Gave the tickets to my IL's for H and them and they're sitting at the end of the row. I get to stay in the dressing room with D until curtain call SO I can just run to my seat, sit beside my MOM and not have to do look at thim directly.

One of the things I'm shaky about is that when I see him, I feel so attracted to him. He's handsome, he's a good dresser, great shoes...always impeccable. Makes me kind of sick and sad at the same time...I was always very proud of him. And now I'm jealous.

God, this is so HARD.

how about an overly simple answer? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

when you see him and start to get that feeling that, "oh, look how good he looks, i'm melting..." immediately remind yourself of the way he has CHOSEN to speak to you and what he has CHOSEN to do to his family. I think you will find it rather sobering.

I'm glad that you are doing this. I hope that you really start to have peace of mind. You deserve it.

damm terrified...ever think that it's you that looks good..

that it is him who has approached you numerous times...(I realize not lately due to plan B...but he feels THAT way about YOU....

And the fact that you spend the time with daughter in dressing room and don't come out to share with him all the behind scenes and daughters nervousness and excitement...and that chance to kiss her goodluck...ALL the things he is missing...and all those moments he will miss out on sharing ...

perfect opportunity to show him the reality of his choices....which he needs desperately

Hope you and daughter aren't planning on hanging around long after...even better if you and have something planned...EVEN better if YOU have something planned....

cahnge seats so you are in front of him....
Don't you DARE run to your seat....as pepperband would advise...work it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I realize you are in plan B...and plan B is all about protecting you...and detaching....so detach as much you can...focus on how good you look and feel....

Also terrified explore those feelings of being proud about someones appearance...and see what value they hold when they come from someone who can be so shallow and cruel...

barry is to busy this weekend to be your platonic escort....but I bet we can still line up Neil diamond.....

please be good to yourself terrified...please keep working on feeling good about you...please know that this world is still so full of joy and goodness and that none of that is contingent on having "him" in your life.....

please know that it is you who stands in your way of feeling joy...not him...
you are worth so much in this universe...people that love and know you know it to be true...and you must believe it as well...

ARK

Hello and thank-you.

An update and some important questions...Friday I email him with particulars re:pickup/dropoff for Friday, Saturday ballet recital and Sunday-Wednesday as I'm leaving on a business trip.

His only answer is re:Friday night dropoff which is 8:00 p.m. Fine. Summer fridays so I leave a touch early, grocery shop and home by 6:00, change, put groceries away and start mowing (bet you like this one Ark). Backyard is fairly large so I'm weeding too. It's 7:30 and I'm just moving to the front. H drives up. QUESTION: Do I greet him? Am I cold? Or do I simply ignore and say hi to D?

Well, I see the truck and run back into the back yard. Problem is that D wants him to stay. Shouldn't he explain to that D that he has to go? No, he makes it seem as if it's mummy's fault that he's leaving. I continue on my merry weeding. H comes into the backyard and asks me if I bought the trimmer. I don't answer. Should I have?

Well, H starts ranting about why I'm not talking to him. I say nothing. By this point, H has taken D's bike out of the garage and is taking her down the street for a ride. I move the mower to the front. Start mowing. Then I trim. H walks up to me and says, "you don't know what you're doing. You're going to ruin the grass. I'll do it.". I'm pretty mad at this point but all I say is, "please don't get near me. I'll ruin the grass by myself." Well, he storms into the truck, takes D with him and drives off. By this time it's 9:00.

Well, I finish my trimming. Calmly walk into the house. Then I call H's cell phone. D answers and I tell her that Mommy isn't happy. She has to take a bath (it's bath night), we have soccer early Saturday, etc.

Well, she comes home immediately. H drops her off screaming because she wants him to come in...he's yelling at me telling me "look at what you did to her" and then I calm her down inside. Tell her I love her, love her
Dad...she's okay in a few minutes.

H, of course, calls three times after that. I don't answer and delete his three messages that I don't even listen to...

Tell me where I went wrong.

Saturday morning, H calls again at 8:00 a.m. D is still sleeping. I'm getting ready for the soccer practice. I don't answer.

D gets up. Happy. Soccer practice goes well. I take her and a friend to the park and then ice cream.

Go home. Lunch. Nap with D. Bath with D. Get ready for ballet recital. Make up call at 6:15

Me and friends leave the girls backstage at 7:15 (no men allowed). Go to our seats. Grandparents and H are in tow. H does look good Ark but I remember now. It's all show.

H has camera. I mention to FIL that there are no pictures/video cameras allowed. H says, "and who's going to stop me?" I sit beside FIL. First thing they announce, "no cameras, please"

H is mad. My mother feels "sorry" for him that he didn't get to see D in full costume and take pictures. Should I have called him down to take pictures outside of the dressing room? No one else did with their husbands. Let me know what you think on this one.

After the first half, D was done (her act made me cry) and I was able to go get her and change her.

She came up and ran straight to Dad's seat. Okay, I feel like the mother from hell but after the performance was over, she did come with me into the car NO problem,no tears.

Just sad that H walked away, IL's walked another way and my mother and I, yet another way.

H was just plain mad. And my mother things I should just accept things and be civil.

I'm just going to continue to respond to no one.

Cleo, thank-you.

Ark, he's a very handsome individual. I'm insecure in many ways but I remembered what you said tonight. I tried really hard. I socialized with many but with him, I remained tightlipped. No smiles. No words. Is that what I'm supposed to do?

Ark, as always, thank-you for your insightful post.

Hugs

Dear Terrified,

Thank you for continuing to post here - I want you to know how much I learn from you and how brave you are - it takes real courage to stand up for yourself in this way.

I think its that one comment of your H's that says it all "And who's going to stop me?!"
That attitude runs his life, and has been running yours and will run your daughter's until you put your foot down, which is what you are doing now. I think its interesting that his parents, even his father, said nothing against him when he said that - they don't dare.

You dare, and you ARE stopping him, and that is a very uncomfortable place to be - but is it more uncomfortable for you and D letting him have his way? As to being civil, I think you are being perfectly civil to a man who doesn't know how to be civil to you. Why does your mother think that your behaviour towards him is "uncivil" - and feeling sorry for him because, oh, the poor dear didn't get to see his little darling in her pretty costume - I'm sorry, the other husbands got to see their D's in their costumes at home before the show, because they are faithful to their wives and those are the rewards of family life which you have to earn in order to participate in. If he wants all those good things, he has to pay the price. You could, in the kindest possible way, point that out to your mother.

If you want the benefits and joys of family life, you have to pay the price - commitment, honesty, kindness and respect. If you can't give those things to your life partner, you are someone who wants to belly up to the buffet and eat for free. And that's the way he is - he's like the guy who crashes a party, looking good, all dressed up in his Sunday best (as long as I look this good, no-one is going to question my right to be here) - and if I want to be here and Take what I want, "who's going to stop me?".

Well, I am proud of you Terrified. I think you did fine and are doing fine. You are finally taking care of Terri. Just one question, do you know your next-door neighbours on both sides and are they aware of your situation? I think it would be wise to make sure they are looking out for you when these drop-offs occur.

Take care,
LIR

T --
I hope you totally enjoyed little d's performance.
They are soooooo sweet! That should be a very happy memory for you!

As for H's behavior and attitude -- it just never changes, does it? He's sullen, crabby and unhappy. Yuck, nothing appealing about someone like that, is there? Would he even attract you now if you met him for the first time? To me, attitude is such an important attraction factor.

I think you've handled everything wonderfully! Good for you!

Now one last suggestion. Stop protecting him. When D asks why daddy has to leave -- tell her why. "Daddy doesn't want to live here with us anymore." Let him answer to her. You need to stop taking the blame for making him leave -- this is HIS choice. Its the TRUTH.

What are the arrangements for her care while you are gone? I have a feeling that you are allowing him to stay at your house with her. I'm sure you're thinking of your daughters comfort. But kids can be comfortable anywhere T. It isn't a requirement that she sleep in her own bed. She would be FINE sleeping on a couch for a night or two -- and let Dad comfort and explain things for awhile.

Have a safe trip!

T,

Great progress and congratulations on little D's performance. You must be one proud mama. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for the Ws now claiming 'who can stop me' attitude, well it is high time he start sharing the pain he is giving you with the world. But did he break the rule or not?

Hm..... if he is able to comply with a simple request, there is hope... if he was arrogant and did it despite the warning, then others have seen it as well. See it is just a matter of time before, this attitude comes out in the open.

This is your time to step back and just watch his performance. You don't have to be one of his 'props' in his anger show anymore....

JMHO,
L.

T:

I am here clapping for your changes! You are going to stop him... from the disrespect he dishes out.

I don't know how you managed to sit by his family through this? I would of sat seperately, but you managed to pull it off, wow!

If I were you... I would be polite and kind ALWAYS, when you must speak to him... no snippy comments, etc. That way there is no way for him to blame you anymore for your uncivilness. Politely explain that his presence pains you, and he either has to be committed and loving/ aka a real h, or apart from you. Explain it is just too painful, whenever he asks why or accuses you of being a meanie.

I can't type long, have to go get ready to see my dad...

Things will probably turn around for you. I do think so.

My h is really coming around, and it is a miracle of sorts. Pray and give that kindness even when he doesn't deserve it T. Pray for him, and take care of you.

Protect yourself and your D. You will make mistakes, no one can make it through this mess without them. I know that with style, and self assuredness, he will be even more drawn to return and reform. This is the attitude that truly works.

I think your M can be saved. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Let him see how you respect yourself, and will not tolerate this abuse he dishes out. Stand up to the bully, even without words. Actions speak louder than words.

If he does not return to you and your sweet D, it is only his loss. You do not want him unless he
sees what he done- and changes his ways and lovingly returns to you.

Take care of you as you always would of .... and know he is fogged/ abducted alien.

I jokingly refer to my h, how his abduction has hurt me. He has seen me wearing jewelry he bought me, etc.- lately and said.... WHo bought you that? I guess trying to remind me how sweet he used to be??? My reply: Some great guy I used to be married to, but he was abducted by aliens. HEHEHE.

Hugs and Happy Sunday, Honey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ June 15, 2003, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: Honey ]</small>

T,

Great update! Your little D sounds sooooooo sweet!

Plan B is difficult at best. When you factor in a self-absorbed JERK like WH is being, it can be down-right impossible! You've been given good advice.....try to find an intermediary for drop-off and pick-up.

It has also been suggested that you drop D off at school, and HE pick up.....that way you don't have to see him as often. Is there any way this could work?

Stay strong. You're doing GREAT!!

God Bless,

Hello everyone and thank-you.

I called my mother from the hotel to confirm arrangements for D for tomorrow (Lex, actually I did not arrange with H to sleep at the house). I arranged with my MIL for D to sleep there Sun & Wed, with my mother for Mon/Tues. Anyway, big mistake to speak to my mother.

She calls what I'm doing an obsession with my H, not love. She said I speak like a gay person. How can I still love a man who has not returned any love for so long and clearly loves another woman? A normal person would have found someone else a LONG time ago, she says. You are not normal, she continues. I'm disgusted with you, she says.

And she says I should speak to him. Not through email only. I say I limit conversations.

Needless to say, she's just a real spirits booster and terrific prayer partner, as you can see.

And of course, she says I should never leave D to go travelling. Always thinking of myself, she says.

I've got a real believer on my hand, don't I?

LIR, Thank-you for replying. I'm glad that I can help you through my posts. That's surprising to me...but feels nice that I am and not so one-sided.

Lex, D's performance was a wonderful memory for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now one last suggestion. Stop protecting him. When D asks why daddy has to leave -- tell her why. "Daddy doesn't want to live here with us anymore." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you see it? I'd be dead in the water.

Can you believe that I didn't make arrangements with him directly?? Should I have???

Orchid, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is your time to step back and just watch his performance. You don't have to be one of his 'props' in his anger show anymore.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Something very interesting to think about...

Honey, You're so hopeful. Sweet but hope is shrinking for me by the day...how did Father's day go for you?

Thank-you for your kind words and encouragement...

Lupo, Thanks for checking in...I'm continuing to try to keep my head above water and yes, it's
difficult.

But that doesn't stop us, does it?

Hugs to all of you.

T-

Don't stop believing, but realize that you must move on! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I know you have! Hope is something that can pull you through - take it from someone who is having hope and belief work!- It is still hard, and I am by no means in recovery, but progressing by a true MIRACLE.

God can work Miracles! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We can't, but he can. You can do the right thing, one day at a time, for you and your D.

Anyway- Your mom sounds like mine. She calls you self centered, or thinking of yourself? What about her? She is insulting you, and calling you names, when you need support? Didn't you once say you had some abuse in your childhood by at least dad, if not mom?

Don't even give a thought to your Mom, if I were you I would plan b her.

Sorry, I am getting in a bad mood, on hold for 1 hr with aol and just talked to mean customer service rep, trying to get refund for minutes I did not use.... signed up one day for free service, cancelled, and now they are billing me for months!!?? Can I please scream!

Gotta go for now, Hugs, H

Hello,

Well, H had soccer tonight. Called my mother to make sure that she was available to sleep at my house. Only thing that interrupted this was that D wouldn't let H leave. She's SO adamant about him coming into the house. Is this normal? Is it my fault since we include in our prayers each night that I love her father and hope that God helps us to bring him home?

I called the house. D didn't let H go to soccer. H stayed and put her to sleep.

I have no urge to contact H. No urge to call him. Just don't want to KNOW anymore.

Hi Honey, You sound good. I'm glad for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Don't stop believing, but realize that you must move on </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes...do you ever stop believing in the bottom of your heart? Not really...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> God can work Miracles! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A miracle is the only way my marriage will be saved. At the airport, I picked up the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. Actually, pretty insightful reading...it's a 40-day journey. Something I needed right about now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Didn't you once say you had some abuse in your childhood by at least dad, if not mom?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My father physically abused my mother. My father verbally abused me to a great extent. My mother did the same for a long time due to her extreme dissatisfaction with her life.

Take care Honey.

Hi Terri,
You are walking a very difficult path, but I think in not interacting with your H you've made a positive choice.

You know when you interact with him, if you are nice, he pushes your buttons or gets ugly. If you are distant, then he wants to trim the lawn, join you for a meal and at times he even wants sex. He isn't mentally healthy at this point in his life, and he is the only one who can change that.

There has been no appreciable period of time that he has treated you well this past year. Once in awhile you've gotten a glimmer of who he was, but he is not choosing to be a good guy, he's choosing to bully, blame, and yell at you for things that are a consequence of his own actions.

He doesn't live with you by his own choice, he has given up the right to hang out at your house. You have the right to not let him in--he gave it to you.

Is there anyone who you can ask to be there with you when the exchange with your daughter takes place? I know it is cumbersome, but maybe even for a couple weeks to break up some of these patterns?

Quite honestly, your mom's words to you disgust me. But, if she has never had any skills in healthy relationships, then she isn't going to recognize your efforts. It's a flaw in her, not you. You've gotten advice from Steve Harley for Plan B, he knows a lot more about emotional health & recovery than your mom.

Hugs & prayers to you.

T,

IMHO this trip is good for all. Helps them see how much you are needed as the ties that bind in their relationships. D with H, D with MIL, MIL with H, etc.

So the ruckus that your D caused by her innocence is fine. Let them handle it.

U know what????? They can't 'blame' you for it because you weren't there.

Sooooo stop looking for the blame. Sit back and enjoy your trip. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

terr,
I had to laugh at your mom's comment that She said I speak like a gay person.
oh my God...is your mom my mom...my mother can be as politically incorrect AND warped as Archie Bunker....
what in God's name did she even mean by THAT comment...and don't bother answer..but I bet you if I said a comment like to MY mom..she would say exactly what I meant to say... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ???

Unfortunately your mom probably can't support you in a way your would like with your choices...she probably sees you having the chance at freedom that she never did or took...and can't understand why you would not go...and in your mind start over
that's all her...not you though,.....
no point in power struggling..may as well as babble back to her as well. and set firm limits...
look ma, we all make choices...and you don't have to like the choice...but don't attack me personally either...

moronic...is the only way to describe the comment about you only thinking of yourself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think this time away is good good for you as well...

I too think it is good that the reality of what all partners are facing are the consequances of husbands actions...NOT your silly insignificant business trip...
this world is all of his creation....don't you take one ounce of blame or responsibility for any of it...

Let him deal with daughters emotions over his abondmenment....

enjoy Vancouver I hear it's beautiful....breathe deep and well my friend..
ARK

Hello everyone, Escaping reality is really a good thing sometimes.

Today I'm a little sad. Another family wedding on H's side where my MIL asked if D could attend the mass with them.

Great. Another "feeling of exclusion" day...

Hi Lor, Hope you're having a good weekend.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are walking a very difficult path, but I think in not interacting with your H you've made a positive choice </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm glad you think so. I trust your opinion and your instincts. Most other people think I should just interact with civility...don't I hate that word?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is there anyone who you can ask to be there with you when the exchange with your daughter takes place? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I'm surprised but there are many people that have been willing to help. Also, I'm starting to do a wonderful job of avoiding him. Drop off at HIS parents instead and I'm cordial. Not angry. Even this morning. Soccer was cancelled and my esthetician called with a surprise appt availability at 10:00. She just happens to live by my MIL's SO it was easy because D wanted to come with me. I got her read for church and dropped her off...maybe God's way of helping me avoid him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quite honestly, your mom's words to you disgust me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I feel the same. She's an angry woman and it shows in her exchanges with me.

Hi O, Good to hear from you, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Helps them see how much you are needed as the ties that bind in their relationships. D with H, D with MIL, MIL with H, etc. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You think so? Or does it solidify that I really don't make a difference??

I really don't know anymore.

Ark, Nice to hear from you. Glad to know that some mothers can be the controlling and unhappy individuals.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunately your mom probably can't support you in a way your would like with your choices...she probably sees you having the chance at freedom that she never did or took...and can't understand why you would not go...and in your mind start over </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh my God, Ark...you are so right when you say this. She repeats this to me at least once or twice a week..."if I had to do it all over, I would have left your father, etc, etc, "

[QUOTE]this world is all of his creation....don't you take one ounce of blame or responsibility for any of it... [QUOTE]

I will try. I just don't want to cry anymore.

Love to all of you.

<small>[ June 21, 2003, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: Terrified ]</small>

Hi T,

I am sorry that you are having another day not being part of the family you want.... But, better than being there while wh chooses his current lifestyle.

It is dignified to stay away from the abuse. I always feel better myself when I don't play into h's -world-.

Today, wh is keeping 2 sons a day after they were promised home with my reluctant agreement... but I do get time for ME! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That I like, and that is so highly unusual these days.

I just hope it gets better for you. I take a step forward and steps back. THis week i had a few lb's, and I do know why...

I allow myself to start getting too emotionally connected to him again. Detachment is a good way to go. YES, it is!

My wh is with a friend I do not like at all b/c of the As with my boys at the beach. I am home doing things that need to be done, which make me feel better.... btw.. .thank goodness! WH does not do what he needs to do.... for himself or the kids, etc.

Anyway, starting to ramble. Hugs to you.

Honey

Hi Terrified <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just wanted to tell you that I've been reading here every time there is news from you - I think you're doing great.
You are so strong and courageous even though you hurt so bad. I have yet to discover how it'll feel to be left out - WH left only 11 days ago - but I fear the first time WH takes our son to a family party or a vacation without me <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

God bless you!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Terrified:
<strong>.....Hi O, Good to hear from you, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Helps them see how much you are needed as the ties that bind in their relationships. D with H, D with MIL, MIL with H, etc. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You think so? Or does it solidify that I really don't make a difference??

I really don't know anymore. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well T IMHO, you do make a difference. That is why your H has to be such an irritant. Every word,look and action by you reminds him of where he has taken himself.

1. Lost his W and family.
2. OW ain't that great but too proud ask for help.

L.

Hi everyone. Made it through the weekend somehow...it's Monday and back to routine. I broke down last night. By myself. After a nice day at a friend's house with a pool and a barbecue (D loved the whole day), preceded by Saturday evening at the movies with friends/kids/D (Rugrats Go Wild) and dinner, I felt the stronghold of reality.

My MIL had called last night at 9:30. I asked her whether she enjoyed the wedding. She said it was fine. I asked her if she missed ME there not D, just my presence with the family...I asked her kindly, almost with humour but it didn't work for either of us. I started to cry...and she quickly got off the phone.

Hi Honey, Hope you had a good weekend. Thinking about you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But, better than being there while wh chooses his current lifestyle. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Totally agree with this and have to keep reminding myself each time my emotions sink.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Detachment is a good way to go. YES, it is! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really think Plan B is helping me to detach and not think as much about what he's doing. I mean I often wonder why, what, where but am able to stop myself...what strength we must build!

Hello Danish, Thanks for your encouragement. I wish you well. The first few weeks are extremely difficult.

Hello O, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2. OW ain't that great but too proud ask for help. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do you know she's not that great? He left his family for her and lost most of our relationships...and he doesn't seem to care about those losses???

Take care and love to all of you. Thanks.